28 July 2010

Funny Brain Quotes - Cheeky Quote Day - 28 July 2010

*** Enjoy some funny brain quotes, funny jokes about brain power, funny brain photos and interesting real facts about our amazing brains!

From Denny: I had a lot of fun putting together this post. The things you learn while writing... :)


The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. — George Jessel

I believe in an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out. — Arthur Hays Sulzberger

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. — Robin Williams

Knowledge fills a large brain; it merely inflates a small one. - Sydney Harris

God gave women intuition and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met. — Farrah Fawcett

If little else, the brain is an educational toy. - Tom Robbins

Books: the children of the brain. - Jonathan Swift

Sculpture outside a psychiatrist's office - psych joke?

I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me. — Pooh (A. A. Milne), from Winnie-the-Pooh

The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too. — Ellen DeGeneres, on cell phones and driving

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think. — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons. — Will Cuppy

Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250 — Harper's Index

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. — Emo Phillips

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. — Groucho Marx

Homer Simpson: "How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course, and I forgot how to drive? - From The Simpsons

From The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show

Bullwinkle: "You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit."

General: "What does that make you?"

Bullwinkle: "What else? An executive..."

Arthur Weasley: "Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain. - From Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets

Cliff Clavin: "Interesting little article here. It says that the average human being only uses 17% of his brain. Boy, you realize what that means? We don't use a full, uh... 64%. - From Cheers

Roz Doyle: "And as for my hangover, it was worth it. I partied my ass off like a brain-damaged test monkey! - From Frasier

Michael Scott: This website is the brainchild of my brainchild, Ryan. It is my brain-grandchild. - From The Office

The Ultimate Brain Teaser: If one in every four Americans has some form of mental illness, then think of your three best friends. If they're okay, than its you. - Anonymous

Some Brain Facts

It is not possible to tickle yourself. The cerebellum, a part of the brain, warns the rest of the brain that you are about to tickle yourself. Since your brain knows this, it ignores the resulting sensation.

The human brain has about 100,000,000,000 (100 billion) neurons. That's about 166 times the number of people on the planet.
Number of neurons in octopus brain = 300 million
Number of neurons in honey bee brain = 950,000

From all the oxygen that a human breathes, twenty percent goes to the brain.

Your brain uses approximately 20% of the total oxygen pumping around your body and about 750 ml of blood pumps through your brain every minute.

Unconsciousness will occur after 8-10 seconds after loss of blood supply to the brain.

Your brain consists of 60 percent white matter and 40 percent gray matter.

People who ride on roller coasters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.

Your brain is 75 percent water.

Your brain is move active and thinks more at night than during the day.

Information travels at different speeds within different types of neurons. Transmission can be as slow as 0.5 meters/sec or as fast as 120 meters/sec. Traveling at 120 meters/sec is the same as going 268 miles/hour.

The weight of an average human brain is about 1300-1400g - @ 3lbs i.e., almost one bag of sugar and about the size of a cantaloupe and wrinkled like a walnut.

The brain feels like a ripe avocado and looks pink because of the blood flowing through it.

Think positive because when you do, you’ll keep the doctor away: Studies show that 50-70% of visits to the doctor for physical ailments can be traced to psychological reasons.

Eat well, and it’ll have positive effects on your brain, because a study of one million New York students showed that those who ate lunches without additives such as artificial flavours, preservatives and dyes performed 14% better in IQ tests.
That being said, your brain is the most fatty organ in your body.

Your brain generates 25 watts of power while you're awake - enough to illuminate a light bulb.

A newborn baby's brain grows almost 3 times in course of first year.

Humans have the most complex brain of any animal on earth.

Your brain is divided into two sides. The left side of your brain controls the right side of your body; and, the right side of your brain controls the left side of your body.

Toxins in commonplace items such as carpeting and shower curtains may be contributing to memory loss over time?

Overexposure to aluminum compounds—in foil, cookware, deodorants, antacids, toothpaste—can affect brain function.

Lavender can help you sleep.

A cooked potato can jump-start your brain when you're feeling foggy.

The essential oil of jasmine can quickly restore mental alertness.

Eating foods rich in vitamin E, beta-carotene, and vitamin C may help lower your risk of Alzheimer's disease.

Certain prescription and nonprescription drugs may dramatically affect your ability to concentrate.

The number of internal thought pathways that your brain is capable of producing is: one followed by 10.5 million kilometers of standard typewritten zero's.

Your skin weighs twice as much as your brain.

Your cerebral cortex is about as thick as a tongue depressor. It grows thicker as you learn and use it.

The world record for time without sleep is 264 hours (11 days) by Randy Gardner in 1965

Funny Brain Jokes

"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."

An old couple was watching TV one evening, and the husband got up to go to the kitchen. His wife told him to get her some iced tea, and knowing that the years had taken their toll on his memory, she told him to write it down.

"I can remember iced tea," he protested.

"But I want sugar in my tea too," she told him, "so write it down."

He told her he could remember iced tea with sugar.

"I want a slice of lemon too." she said, "Just write it down."

He left the room grumbling to himself. A few minutes later he came back with a plate full of mashed potatoes for her.

"Now look what you've done!" she yelled at him, "You forgot my gravy!"

Three Old Men

Three old men were sitting on a park bench comparing notes on the problems of growing old. The first said he couldn't remember the last time he had a good bowel movement. The second one said his problem was more with his bladder and prostate. The third old man laughed and said he must be the lucky one.

"Every morning at seven I pee, and then at eight I have a good dump," he told them. "I just wish I could wake up before nine."

Brain Teaser One-Liners

- On the other hand, you have different fingers.

- He was lost in thought because it was unfamiliar territory.

- Nothing is really foolproof for a sufficiently talented fool.

- The latest poll finds that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

- "Nobody goes where the crowds are any more. It's too crowded." - Yogi Berra

- "Why is it when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?" - Lily Tomlin

- "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it by not dying." - Woody Allen

- He started out with nothing, and he still has most of it.

- It was decided that his sole purpose in life was to serve as a bad example.

- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving may not be for you.

- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

- Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

- The philosopher was laying in bed one night, looking up at the moon, and he thought to himself, "Where the heck is my ceiling?"

- He doesn't suffer from stress - he's a carrier.

- And if I was getting smart with you, how would you know?

- How can there be self-help "groups"?

- Is there another word for 'synonym'?

*** For more grins be sure to check out this post:

Monday Morning Brain Owners Manual

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