16 June 2010

Funny Quotes From Big Oil and BP Congressional Hearings - Cheeky Quote Day 16 June 2010

*** Just how many gaffes can a British CEO make? Infinite. Collected here are funny video links, BP political cartoons, outrageous news clips of testimony and now infamous Tony Hayward quotes about the Gulf oil spill.

An exclusive photo of BP's CEO Tony Hayward's lying tongue. Be sure to pass it on to the reputable National Enquirer.

From Denny: Colbert could not have written a funnier script than the political theatre we received this week from when Big Oil came to town and threw BP under the bus. Talk about dark humor and black comedy from the dark side. I've also collected just a few of the copious outrageous statements from BP's CEO, the not so beloved Tony Hayward.

BP's chairman Svanburg elicited angry screaming howls from Louisianians and other Gulf Coast residents when he referred to us as "small people," you know those pesky annoying peasants who dare to raise their voices of protest against us. That's how his disingenuous lame idea of an apology was received.

Other Europeans can try and offer cover for him, claiming his English isn't that great. Right. I've met enough Swedes to know their English is usually better than most Americans and their understanding of the language is most excellent. This guy would not be chairman if his English was poor because the British are as lame as my fellow Americans at not bothering to apply themselves to learn other languages. The British have to hire foreigners with good second language skills or they could not communicate.

It is stunning to chronicle the vast number of "arrogant speak" from the various BP executives of which Hayward is the most odious and insensitive. For those who don't have BS radar in the back of their heads like I do from a childhood of growing up inside America's ruthless intelligence community, then watch the TV show called "Lie to Me." Oddly enough, the star of the show is a thickly accented Brit. The show is based off the 1950's research which was paid for and used by the intelligence community.

One of my favorites of body language is the hidden smirk - that grinning hyena look - that flickers underneath the surface of the boyish, quizzically raised oh, so innocent eyebrows, masking poker face of BP's CEO Tony Hayward. He actually thinks he is successful at deceiving people with his words. The reality is he is laughing into this proverbial sleeve at everyone listening to him. He knows he is lying and is laughing all the way to the bank.

It really does make you wonder about the state of British business and just how corrupt they truly are systemically. There was a time when everyone in the world used to respect Britain for standing up for what is right and honorable. Now? Now it is clear they are as amoral as American Big Business.

It was certainly entertaining to watch Democratic lawmakers with some fire in the belly scrape BP and it's fellow oily villains off the walls. Exxon - a big refinery here in Louisiana and actually a decent record here in how they treat their employees - got chick slapped for providing contingency plans with only nine pages for clean up and over 40 pages for "how to handle the media." Good luck with that one, guys. I am so not "getting handled."

Watch CBS News Videos Online

Just check out the headlines where BP is the world's newest villain. It's like suddenly the entire world has awakened - finally - to how serious it is to allow corporate greed and arrogance to run wild without restraints, creating damages to our environment, health and safety:

BP chief's gaffe adds fuel to the fire ahead of congressional hearing

"But as he left the White House, BP's chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg provoked fresh irritation among the oil company's critics with a poorly worded apology to the American people. He pledged to repair the damage caused by the spill and to look after all the shrimpers, fishermen, tourist workers and property owners affected.

"We care about the small people," said Svanberg, a native Swedish speaker who was formerly the head of the telecoms company Ericsson. "I hear comments sometimes that large oil companies are greedy companies or don't care but that's not the case with BP. We care about the small people."

Lawmakers Tear Into Oil Companies at Hearing

"Representative Bart Stupak, a Democrat and one of the lawmakers heading a probe of the disaster, criticized the companies' response plans for offshore accidents. He singled out Exxon Mobil for having a 40-page media response strategy, including pre-written talking points.

"Exxon Mobil's plan appears more concerned about public perception than wildlife protection given the fact that their media plan is fives times longer than its plan for protecting wildlife," said Stupak, adding that all of the companies' plans were "virtually worthless when an actual spill occurs.""

At Congressional Hearing, Oil C.E.O.’s Throw B.P. Under the Bus, or Rig, or Whatever

"Top brass from America’s largest oil companies testified before the House Energy and Commerce Committee this afternoon. In their statements, the executives attempted to characterize their respective companies’ drilling practices as not as bad as those of B.P. How’d this work out for them?

Rex W. Tillerson, the impossibly named chairman of Exxon Mobil, and John S. Watson, the Sherlock Holmes character who moonlights as Chevron’s chief executive, both implied that the Gulf oil spill could have been prevented had B.P. taken proper precautions. It’s a departure from commonplace evil-executive Congressional hearing behavior: even those fellows from Goldman Sachs would barely admit that anyone at any time should have done anything differently."

Oil execs turn against BP in Congress hearing

"The planet's most powerful oil executives found their well-tailored behinds planted in the Congressional hot seat today, as the House Energy and Commerce Committee grilled the chiefs of ExxonMobil, ConocoPhillips, Chevron, Shell, and, of course, BP America about the Gulf oil spill and drilling safety."

"Rep. Bart Stupak noted that Exxon's disaster response plan has 9 pages on oil removal and 40 pages on dealing with media. Ouch."

At Congressional Hearing, BP Official Resists Defining 'Legitimate' Claims

""We are going to pay all legitimate claims," Willis said, repeating a company refrain that has drawn skepticism from lawmakers and from plaintiffs' advocates, who have brought scores of class actions and other lawsuits against BP and other companies.

Rep. Jerry Nadler, D-N.Y., pressed Willis repeatedly to define "legitimate." He asked, for example, whether BP would compensate people who, hypothetically, might be injured by the chemical dispersant BP is using to reduce the impact of the oil spill.

"Is that a valid claim?" Nadler asked.

"They can file a claim, yes," Willis said.

"I didn't ask if they can file a claim," Nadler shot back. "Is that a claim that you will pay?"

"Every claim will be evaluated," Willis said.

"Can you answer yes or no, please?" Nadler asked.

Willis would not, as the exchange continued. "We're going to do the right thing. We're going to respond to this in an effective manner, and we realize we're going to be judged based on our response," he said."

And for the cheeky among us who will appreciate the New Orleans sense of humor:

New Orleans runs $5m anti-British campaign – paid for by BP

"The B in BP may no longer mean British, but tell that to New Orleans. The city is using a $5m cheque from the company to launch what might be seen as only a slightly tongue-in-cheek anti-British campaign, aimed at luring tourists who might be discouraged by the approaching oil spill.

New Orleans is using BP's money to launch a series of television and newspaper advertisements across the US on Friday, including one that declares: "This isn't the first time New Orleans has survived the British."

The slogan is set against a statue of General Andrew Jackson, who repelled a British assault on New Orleans back in 1814."


* However, Chairman of the Energy and Commerce Committee Henry Waxman thought Exxon Mobil, Chevron, ConocoPhillips and Shell "are no better prepared to deal with a major oil spill than was BP."

Waxman said last week, the committee asked each of the five major oil companies for their oil spill response plans and these plans are impressive documents "on paper."

"The same company -- the Response Group -- wrote the five plans and described them as cookie cutter plans," Waxman said. "Exxon Mobil, Chevron, ConocoPhillips and Shell are as unprepared as BP."

Tillerson, Watson, Mulva and President of Shell oil company Marvin Odum all acknowledged that their emergency response blueprints could not have coped with the spill. - English News

* Democratic Representative Edward Markey, who chaired the hearing, blasted the companies for referring to protecting walruses, "which have not called the Gulf of Mexico home for three million years," and including the name and phone number of a specialist who died in 2005 in their plans. - English News

* Representative Bart Stupak, one of the lawmakers heading a probe of the disaster, slammed the companies' response plans for offshore accidents. He singled out Exxon Mobil for having a 40-page media response strategy, including pre-written talking points.

"Exxon Mobil's plan appears more concerned about public perception than wildlife protection given the fact that their media plan is fives times longer than its plan for protecting wildlife," said Stupak, adding that all of the companies' plans were "virtually worthless when an actual spill occurs." - English News

* Representative Jay Inslee, a Democrat, questioned why BP paid chief executive Tony Hayward 36 million dollars last year while spending just 10 million dollars on research.

"Do you think that is appropriate prioritization?" Inslee asked Chairman and President of BP America Lamar McKay, who did not respond.

Tuesday's hearing came as a USA Today/Gallup poll showed 71 percent of Americans say the Obama administration has not been tough enough in its dealings with BP and 53 percent of Americans rate Obama's handling of the spill as "poor" or "very poor."

It also marked the first time that the chief executives of the major oil companies -- which last year earned a combined 64 billion dollars -- were called before Congress following the Deepwater Horizon explosion. - English News

* In a tense exchange, Rep. Edward Markey, D-Mass. insisted repeatedly that McKay "apologize to the American people for "lowballing" for weeks the amount of oil that was gushing from the damaged wellhead. BP had said 5,000 barrels (210,000 gallons) a day were being released when it's now known that possibly ten times that amount may have been flowing, said Markey.

"Are you ready to apologize for getting that number wrong," repeated Markey.

McKay said "those were not BP's estimates" but those of the government's "unified command" dealing with the response. "We are sorry for everything the Gulf coast is going through," McKay finally said.

So far, 114 million gallons of oil have poured into the Gulf under the worst-case scenario described by scientists — a rate of more than 2 million gallons a day. BP has collected 5.6 million gallons of oil through its latest containment cap on top of the well, or about 630,000 gallons per day. - MSNBC

Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr

BP CEO Tony Hayward Quotes: Winner of The Most Gaffes by a CEO and the Bozo Sapien Award

* 4 June 2010 - From CNN: In his first interview with investors and analysts since the spill, the gaffe-prone executive didn't fail to deliver a one-liner for which he's become infamous. In response to his handling of the poor press, he said, "I'm a Brit, I can take it." This latest line won't improve his perception among Americans, or with anyone for that matter.

* 2 June 2010 - In response to clean up workers getting sick from the dispersant and the oil spill reporting issues with dizziness, headaches and nausea: "I am sure they were genuinely ill, but whether it was anything to do with dispersants and oil, whether it was food poisoning or some other reason for them being ill, you know, there's a—food poisoning is surely a big issue when you've got a concentration of this number of people in temporary camps, temporary accommodations."

* 1 June 2010 - Hayward's playing the "victim card, believing "he's at the 'vortex' of a frenzy." Hayward thinks the American frenzy is the result of two factors. "There are those who want the Obama presidency to fail and they want this spill to be his 'Hurricane Katrina' - the domestic disaster which so undermined George W. Bush."

"And there are those who don't like oil and want energy policy to be in a different place." Hayward says he is optimistic about his latest plan to cap the well with a specially engineered dome to help stem the flow. The BP CEO also claimed his company had a contingency plan to limit the spills in case of hurricanes.

By now we all know that Hayward's inept handling of the capping operation resulted in twice the oil now gushing into the Gulf. Do we really believe he has a good contingency plan for hurricanes? There is no one left on the planet that is that gullible.

* 31 May 2010 - "The first thing to say is I'm sorry. We're sorry for the massive disruption it's caused their lives. There's no one who wants this over more than I do. I would like my life back." (What a whiner. So much for the tough talk of being a Brit "who can take it.")

* 30 May 2010 - "The oil is on the surface," Hayward said. "There aren't any plumes." One plume was found 42 miles off Louisiana and about 400 feet deep. Another plume was found to be far larger and 22 miles long, six miles wide and more than a thousand feet deep. Scientists did not allow this lying Hayward statement to stand against the facts.

* 18 May 2010 - "I think the environmental impact of this disaster is likely to be very, very modest." Later that day Hayward was asked if he could sleep well at night considering the disastrous effects of this oil spill to the Gulf Coast's economy and way of life. His answer: "Of course I can."

* 14 May 2010 - One of his most famous gaffes, besides the "I want my life back" one that infuriated environmentalists and Gulf Coast residents, is what he spoke to the UK's Guardian. Hayward on what he thinks is such a small ratio that the ocean can clean itself in no time, "The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume." In only two months there are over 100 million gallons of oil filling the Gulf and still adding over two million gallons a day. Over a million gallons of cancer-causing dispersant outlawed in Britain was sprayed into the air on the Gulf Coast and into the ocean. If this is such a small ratio why is it the Coast Guard yesterday found a floating tar ball that weighed over a ton? If this ratio is so small as Hayward claims why is it causing major air and water pollution and wildlife and fish kills?

* 29 April 2010 - After the oil spill occurred in the Gulf of Mexico, Hayward was reported to have complained to his fellow BP executives, "What the hell did we do to deserve this?" You have got to be kidding me. Hayward feels he is the victim here? The families of the eleven lost loved ones could ask that same question of him.

* 12 May 2009 - Addressing the Stanford University Graduate School of Business, Hayward remarks about how the culture of BP needed changing and he said: "We had too many people who were working to save the world..." Which basically means that when Hayward took over the company he fired all the people of conscience who were trying to pull the oil out of the earth in a responsible and safe manner, with as little impact on the oceans and environment as possible. Hayward's cavalier attitude is to hang all that somewhere else and just ruthlessly get the oil. If there are accidents or problems then just leave the oil leaking and walk away from responsibility and accountability. Hayward claims his only job is "to increase shareholders ... not worry about the environment."

* 25 September 2007 - Don't you just love those company internal memos? Oh, how they can be so damning. Hayward was trying to separate his new leadership from the previous BP CEO by calling the company's structure "flawed." Hayward declared BP's performance to be "dreadful." Of course, that idiot remark led to a huge drop in the company's value. Then Hayward continued to dig the hole deeper, "There is massive duplication and lack of clarity of who does what." Yeah, that's telling them, Tony. Sure looks like Hayward has a pattern of misspeak and insensitivity combined with his passive-aggressive stance of the blame game. He likes to project his mistakes onto others. What a weasel.

* 13 January 2007 - This statement was from one of Hayward's first interviews after being named head of BP: "Leaders must make the safety of all who work for them their top priority. My enduring priorities are, firstly, continued improvement in the safety of our operations all around the world." You see, this hollow pledge was directed at the Texas refinery explosion in 2005 and another problem in Alaska with a leak in the Alaska pipeline in 2006. Do we see a pattern of depraved indifference here with this guy?

Thursday, 17 June 2010, Congress is grilling BP CEO Tony Hayward. Stay tuned for more smirking cavalier ridiculous quotes from this guy.

For some great laughs, especially from lampooning Colbert, check out these funny videos and political cartoons. There are some good news posts linked here too of what you may have missed that the mainstream media news shows didn't cover. Who knows? Maybe you will get an education while you are laughing, laughing so hard because you just can't believe anyone is this ridiculous as these BP execs - all in need of firing without compensation or retirement plans. President Obama said it all, "They wouldn't be working for me as I would have fired them by now."

*** SEE ALSO: Roundup of Late Night Funnies - 14 June 2010

*** SEE ALSO: Whats Happening in America This Week: BP Oil Spill Cartoons - 29 May 2010

*** SEE ALSO: Funny Colbert Video: BP CEO Tony Hayward Is an Evil Box of Priggish Entitled Baking Soda

*** SEE ALSO: Funny Colbert Video: BP Perplexed Stock Value Sinks

*** SEE ALSO: Funny Video: Upright Citizens Brigade Mocks BP Execs

*** SEE ALSO: Funny Video: BP Creates Rich Fish in Gulf Oil Spill

*** SEE ALSO: Cartoons: Obama vs. BPs Oil Spill - 5 June 2010

*** SEE ALSO: BP Promotes Philosophy: The Minimum Acceptable

*** SEE ALSO: Good clean up idea - Effective Cheap Idea to Clean Up Oil Spill: Treated Cotton Fabric

*** SEE ALSO: Speaker Pelosi, Residents Fire Upon BP - News Headlines 11 June 2010

*** SEE ALSO: Krewe of Dead Pelicans BP Protest Parade, Oil Spill Stories - News Headlines 8 June 2010

*** SEE ALSO: Obamas Oval Office Speech, CEO Weigh in on Obama, Reality of BPs $20 Billion Escrow - News Headlines 16 June 2010

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