25 November 2009

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes - Cheeky Quote Day! 25 Nov 2009



From Denny: Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving Day, full of good food, good friends, fun times and good wine! No matter what is going on in our lives, we always take extra time to reflect upon what is good in the world at our house.

We also like to think of new ways to nurture that goodness in others and, in turn, in the world. The world is what we choose to make of it! And I choose to laugh a lot, even for serious occasions. What is Life if you don't laugh til your sides hurt? :)

Quotes

* We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin (one of the cheekiest guys God ever made)

* Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, "How long has Mom been drinking like this?" My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, “Here, kitty, kitty.” - David Letterman

* Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt. - Roseanne Barr

* It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful 'in general.' It's very strange. It's a little like being married in general. - Cornelius Plantinga, Jr.

* It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with 'gourmet' status. - Russell Baker

* I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. - Jon Stewart

* My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. - Rita Rudner

* There is no sincerer love than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw

* My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

* Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. - Edward Sandford Martin



Photo by basykes @ flickr

* Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. ~ Erma Bombeck

* What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? ~ Erma Bombeck, "No One Diets on Thanksgiving," 26 November 1981

* An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~ Irv Kupcinet

* On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment: Football’s Half Time! ~ Anonymous

* Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~ Michael Dresser



Photo by riptheskull @ flickr

* If you count all your assets, you always show a profit. ~ Robert Quillen

* I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the "history" I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America's traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it's a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all. ~ Ellen Orleans

* Thanksgiving: Not a good day to be my pants! ~ Kevin James

* Happy We-Stole-Your-Land-and-Killed-Your-People Day! ~ Thanksgiving toast, from the movie Sweet November

* Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for - annually, not oftener - if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous twelve months instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors, the Indians. Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man's side, consequently on the Lord's side; hence it was proper to thank the Lord for it and extend the usual annual compliments. ~ Mark Twain

* The funny thing about Thanksgiving, or any huge meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it and then chopping and cooking and braising and blanching. Then it takes 20 minutes to eat it and everybody sort of sits around in a food coma, and then it takes four hours to clean it up. ~ Ted Allen

* Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving. ~ Mike Connolly

* The thing I'm most thankful for right now is elastic waistbands. ~ Anonymous

* I love Thanksgiving turkey. It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

* Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. ~ Johnny Carson



Red Velvet Cake - a Southern tradition

Thanksgiving Day Joke

*** Thanksgiving Dinner Bribe


What will Dad do to get a grandchild?

The entire family was assembled for Thanksgiving dinner. All four children were there with their spouses that they had recently married. All four couples were childless.

Before saying grace, Father said that he would give $10,000 to the son or daughter who would present Mom and himself with their first grandchild. After the “Amen,” he looked up to find nobody left at the table except himself, Mom and the turkey.

Serving himself one drumstick and Mom the other, he turned to Mom and said, “Told you it would work.”


A little Thanksgiving Day poem for a grin:

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
~ Anonymous

And one more grinner poem:

Stuffing the turkey

* For Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner, please learn a lesson from this poor person about how *not* to stuff the turkey!

The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner and
burst with a deafening boom,
then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
there was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there’d never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl,
there wasn’t a way I could stop it,
that turkey was out of control.

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
that I’d never again stuff a turkey....
with popcorn that hadn’t been popped!!

- Anonymous (Oh, how I wish I wrote that one, what a scream!)



Photo of Annie the dog, a satisfied customer on Thanksgiving Day by brad_holt @ flickr

And the entertainment continues... :)

21 Funny Thanksgiving Fighting Turkey Photos

Prez Obama prepares for his first turkey pardon (wonder if it's name is Cheney...?)



Here's the actual Presidential Pardon of Courage the 45 pound turkey:



Geeky Girl Gone Wild: Happy Thanksgiving Dance!

Catch up on more funnies and a gazillion recipes too:

Creole Seafood Mixed Grill from New Orleans Famed Commanders Palace

Pumpkin Risotto, Crispy Bread Soffritto, and Pumpkin Chile Recipes

23 Posts Roundup 23 Nov 2009 - more Thanksgiving recipes and funnies.

*** Thanks for visiting and have a GREAT Thanksgiving holiday! :)
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