11 November 2009

Funny Money Advice - Cheeky Quote Day! 11 Nov 2009

From Denny: Have you ever noticed how many people want to give you money advice? They preach from the TV pulpit on all the business shows ad nauseum, hawking the same products and shouting the same manipulative lines. How many of you roll your eyes when you see them as you are channel surfing?

Well, one of those circus style barkers came into my TV world today. I was wondering what to write for the Cheeky Quote Day segment when a slow smile crept across my face, “Eureka! Cheeky Quote Day’s Money Advice, that’s the grand plan!”

As I researched just a few money quotes they struck me as, well, so odd they were funny. Guess I couldn’t help myself in the cheeky department, as an irreverent being and all. Then I ran across a cute quiz for odd words and phrases to entertain you too.

Here are a few funny poems about the subject of money, and, of course, you know Shakespeare just had to voice his opinion too!

Foul cankering rust the hidden treasure frets,
But gold that's put to use more gold begets.

- William Shakespeare, Venus and Adonis, 1593

That money talks
I'll not deny,
I heard it once:
It said, "Goodbye."

- Richard Armour

I'm tired of Love: I'm still more tired of Rhyme.
But Money gives me pleasure all the time.

- Hilaire Belloc, "Fatigued," Sonnets and Verse, 1923

Money at hand photo by Don Hankin @ flickr

Funny quotes about money:

* Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon. - Peter Lynch

* If the nation's economists were laid end to end, they would point in all directions. - Arthur H. Motley

* October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February. - Mark Twain

* Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

* An investor without investment objectives is like a traveler without a destination. - Ralph Seger

* The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. - Frank Hubbard

* A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 for which we had to work and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. - Mark Twain

* A steady job and a mutual fund is still the best defense against social security. - Anonymous

* When buying shares, ask yourself, would you buy the whole company? - Rene Rivkin

* Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells. - J. Paul Getty

* Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. - Robert Orben

* We all know how the size of sums of money appears to vary in a remarkable way according as they are being paid in or paid out. - Julian Huxley, Essays of a Biologist, 1923

* The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. - Jean-Paul Kauffmann

* I hate weekends because there is no stock market. - Rene Rivkin

Lincoln money photo by Photos8.com @ flickr

* Only buy something that you'd be perfectly happy to hold if the market shut down for ten years. - Warren Buffett

* The key to making money in stocks is not to get scared out of them. - Peter Lynch

* Investors have very short memories. - Roman Abramovich

* If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one. - George Gobel

* The market does not beat them. They beat themselves, because though they have brains they cannot sit tight. - Jesse Livermore

* My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. - Errol Flynn

* If all the economists were laid end to end, they'd never reach a conclusion. - George Bernard Shaw

* You can never predict when that unknown torpedo will come out of the dark and smash the price of a stock. - Ralph Seger

* We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy and to be greedy only when others are fearful. - Warren Buffett

* Goodness is the only investment that never fails. - Henry David Thoreau

* People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. - Doug Larson

* In the old days a man who saved money was a miser; nowadays he's a wonder. - Anonymous

* A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. - Yogi Berra (Athletes sure have a way with words.)

* One way to end up with $1 million is to start with $2 million and use technical analysis. - Ralph Seger

* An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. - Benjamin Franklin

* When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is. - Oscar Wilde

* A bank book makes good reading - better than some novels. - Harry Lauder

* Just as a cautious businessman avoids investing all his capital in one concern, so wisdom would probably admonish us also not to anticipate all our happiness from one quarter alone. - Sigmund Freud

* Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer. - Anonymous

* Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. - Woody Allen

* Inflation hasn't ruined everything. A dime can still be used as a screwdriver. - P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

* Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband. - H.L. Mencken

Dollars photo by borman818 @ flickr

* By the time I have money to burn, my fire will have burnt out. - Anonymous

* Those who are unwilling to invest in the future haven't earned one. - H.W. Lewis, Technological Risk, 1990

* Experience taught me a few things. One is to listen to your gut, no matter how good something sounds on paper. The second is that you're generally better off sticking with what you know. And the third is that sometimes your best investments are the ones you don't make. - Donald Trump

* Do not value money for any more nor any less than its worth; it is a good servant but a bad master. - Alexandre Dumas fils, Camille, 1852

* Money is much more exciting than anything it buys. - Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

* Invest a few moments in thinking. It will pay good interest. - Anonymous

* There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. - Mark Twain

* Literature is an investment of genius which has dividends to all subsequent times. - John Burroughs

* Women prefer men who have something tender about them - especially the legal kind. - Kay Ingram

* I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain

And now for an Odd Words and Odd Sayings Quiz to keep your smart self grinning. Besides, I love multiple choice; it really screws with your head. :)

Odd Words and Odd Sayings Quiz Just for You!

1. In the early part of this century, what was a geek?

A - Someone born with a hunchback
B - Someone who bites the heads off chickens and snakes in a carnival sideshow
C - Someone who marries a first cousin, but abstains from having children
D - A mentally challenged individual
E - A professor of the humanities
F - I don't know

2. "Duck and cover" was a little jingle known by most schoolchildren in the 1950's in America. Its pedagogical purpose was:

A - How to deal with schoolyard bullies.
B - How to do the twist
C - What to do in case of a nuclear attack
D - What to do in case of an earthquake
E - I don't know

3. What is Podunk?

A - A small, isolated, trivial town
B - A flat, disk-shaped cake fried in fat and often served at county fairs
C - An ignorant, immoral, but strong individual
D - A marsupial indigenous to New Zealand
E - I don't know

4. Eli was prone to endless hours of woolgathering, and his grades reflected it. What is woolgathering?

A - Thumb twiddling
B - Doodling
C - Daydreaming
D - Gazing out the window
E - Sleeping
F - I don't know

5. Justine was tired of dating this kind of man-the charming, good looking sort who eventually reveals himself to be a cloddish, unfeeling lothario. What is a lothario?

A - Someone who is concerned primarily with career and money.
B - A generally stupid person.
C - Someone whose primary aim is to seduce women.
D - Someone who has a very low emotional intelligence.
E - I don't know

6. What is zeitgeist? (not fair if you live in Germany)

A - The fashion trends of a decade
B - The overall economic outlook of a country
C - The political bent of a nation.
D - The overall cultural, moral, and intellectual climate of an era
E - I don't know

7. Who would yell, "paint a bow wow red" and what is s/he referring to?

A - Waiter/Waitress asking the cook to prepare a hotdog with ketchup
B - Fireman yelling coworkers to unleash the hoses on a burning building.
C - Veterinarian asking the assistant to anesthetize an animal on the operating table.
E - Jazz musician telling his band to improvise.
F - I don't know

8. In ancient Greek, 'Eureka' means:

A - Yahoooo!
B - I have found it!
C - Hallelujah!
D - What brilliance!
E - Let's go!
F - I don't know

9. In Germany, if townspeople called you Burgermeister, who are you?

A - The local professor
B - The mayor
C - The village idiot
D - The town baker
E - The town doctor
F - I don't know

10. What is a pismire?

A - A pungent drink of brine, garlic, and honey for curing colds
B - An ant
C - An old woman with a fiery temper
D - An eccentric person
E - A small handbag made of sequins
F - I don't know

11. What is a parasang?

A - A lightweight umbrella used as a sunshade
B - A small monkey that lives in the Amazon jungle
C - An ancient unit of distance
D - A loose garment worn by women of the Pacific Islands
E - I don't know

12. What color is chartreuse?

A - Brilliant yellow green
B - Vivid reddish purple
C - Earthy orange
D - Dark grayish blue
E - I don't know

Answers are below the Photo Credits.

***** Today is Veterans Day in America. Please take a quiet pause today, remembering those who have fallen and those who have served this country and your country as well. People who give their lives in battle or service are a testament to the quality of a country’s character. Thank you…

*** Since it's Veterans Day here are two articles written on the related subjects of War, Remembrance and Peace:

Great Peace Quotes with Great Photos

Quest for Peace

“Mankind must not only seek Peace. We must pursue it with all the deeply felt sincerity of our hearts. We must pursue Peace with the diligent work of our hands every day in every relationship we know. Peace comes a little at a time, rippling outward until one day it touches and convinces all.” – Denny Lyon, 3 March 2009

Memorial Day Poems

War Affects Us All

Let the old men who send the young men to war stop and think long, and work harder for Peace, before affecting generations yet to come. Poems written about the reality of war from family, children, citizens, soldiers and medical personnel.

At my photo blog:
14 Veterans Day Remembrance Photos

Photo Credits

Money at hand photo
by Don Hankin @ flickr

Dollars photo by borman818 @ flickr

Lincoln money photo by Photos8.com @ flickr

Answers to Quiz:

1 - B, 2 - C, 3 - A, 4 - C, 5 - C, 6 - D, 7 - A, 8 - B, 9 - B, 10 - B, 11 - C, 12 - A.

*** Thanks for visiting, everyone, have a great week!
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