03 February 2010

Funny Reincarnation and Religion Quotes - Cheeky Quote Day 3 Feb 2010

Photo by muha... @ flickr

From Denny: Yesterday I was drawn into a serious discussion about reincarnation so that got me to wondering what quotes were out there about the subject. Can I tell you that few people are willing to joke about it? They don't mind funny God jokes, funny Devil jokes but reincarnation seems to hold holy status. I did find a few funnies along with the interesting serious that sure make you think.

My views on reincarnation you ask? Pretty simple actually. I've been here before. I know where to park in a busy shopping mall. Of course, my question is: Am I so slow to catch on that I got sent back to the second grade or am I some holy woman sent back to give humanity some terribly important teaching? Those of you who raised their hands and voted for door number one, I suspect you are correct! :) Who knows, maybe I'll get inducted into the Highlander Clan and get to be immortal now. OK, who among you is willing to pony up and help me pay for fencing lessons so I can keep my head?

Seriously though, reincarnation is a fascinating subject and I really liked what Henry Ford had to say about it. If we think of the long view of Life then it's easier to relax wherever we are, enjoy it more and not sweat the small stuff because most likely we will get a "do over." Now that certainly takes the pressure off to perform perfectly right now!

Whatever you do or don't believe or haven't taken the time to consider, it sure is interesting to check out what generations of people have commented upon the subject. Of course, with reincarnation comes the thorny subject of religion. Well, I've never been one to run from taboo subjects. How could I? I grew up in both Southern Baptist and Catholic cultures. They are both supposed to be under the subheading of Christianity but they way they fight vociferously you would never know they were so closely related.

People were often horrified to find out my childhood: "And you are sane?" And I'd smile. When you are presented with paradox, intense conflict and rigid personalities all bets are off, I suppose. Like a friend once said, "Looks like you figured out how to synthesize the disparate elements in your life." Oh, yeah, that's an under statement. :) Maybe I should sign up as a religious diplomat. So, you can guess I find religious opinion an endless fascination, especially when it lacks critical thinking, like Mark Twain makes the observation.

It's human for us to poke fun at ourselves and our opinions, belief systems and rigid thinking. Sometimes, when you find the incongruities in what you think you believe is when you are finally ready to enlarge and refine your belief system. That's an easy way to grow spiritually. Oh, that fundamentalists were not so fearful of true belief system examination. Rather than worry about what you might destroy, how about looking forward to a new incredible discovery of insight?

Reincarnation Quotes

* If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. - John Kenneth Galbraith

* I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once! - Ronnie Shakes

* Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... the other eight are unimportant. - Henry Miller

* I think reincarnation is possible. Hopefully, we all get recycled. - Christina Ricci

* I don't believe in reincarnation, and I didn't believe in it when I was a hamster. - Shane Ritchie

Religion Quotes

* Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. - Butch Hancock

* Most men's anger about religion is as if two men should quarrel for a lady they neither of them care for. - Edward F. Halifax

* The biblical account of Noah's Ark and the Flood is perhaps the most implausible story for fundamentalists to defend. Where, for example, while loading his ark, did Noah find penguins and polar bears in Palestine? - Judith Hayes

* I've never understood how God could expect His creatures to pick the one true religion by faith—it strikes me as a sloppy way to run a universe. - Robert A. Heinlein

* A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets you into Heaven. An equally long life of decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking the name of the Lord in vain - then have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system? Robert A. Heinlein

* Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife. - James H. Kabbler III

* I have never resisted the lord in my life, and I never will. But I'm not so hungry for dialogue with him that I have to make up his part as well as my own. - Orson Scott Card

* When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? - Quentin Crisp

* An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" "No," said the priest, "not if you did not know." "Then why," asked the Inuit earnestly, "did you tell me?" - Annie Dillard

* On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park. - Curtis McDougall

* You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. - Doris Egan

* Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. - Joe Louis

* In some awful, strange, paradoxical way, atheists tend to take religion more seriously than the practitioners. - Jonathan Miller

* I think it's ironic that the only people who claim that humans are too advanced to have evolved naturally are the ones who demonstrate the least advanced mode of thinking. - John Petrie

* If you spent one-tenth of the time you devoted to distractions like chasing women or making money to spiritual practice, you would be enlightened in a few years. - Ramakrishna

* When someone tells me that 'the Almighty told me to do this', I want to see the transcript. - Fred Reed

* There is a story, which is fairly well known, about when the missionaries came to Africa. They had the Bible and we, the natives, had the land. They said "Let us pray," and we dutifully shut our eyes. When we opened them, why, they now had the land and we had the Bible. - Desmond M. Tutu

* Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent and the serpent didn't have a leg to stand on. - Anonymous

* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car. - Anonymous

* Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. - Anonymous

* I'd rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn't, than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to find out there is. - Peter Barry

* People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them. - Dave Barry

* The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself. - Richard Francis Burton

* When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why God? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that ticks me off." - Stephen King

* The problem with fundamentalists insisting on a literal interpretation of the Bible is that the meaning of words change. A prime example is 'Spare the rod, spoil the child.' A rod was a stick used by shepherds to guide their sheep to go in the desired direction. Shepherds did not use it to beat their sheep. The proper translation of the saying is 'Give your child guidance, or they will go astray.' It does not mean 'Beat the shit out of your child or he will become rotten' as many fundamentalist parents seem to believe. - Anonymous

* No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means. - George Bernard Shaw

* Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. - Anonymous

* God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts. - Anonymous

* Stuff Happens, in various World Religions:

Taoism: Stuff happens, go with the flow.
Hare Krishna: Stuff happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.
Hinduism: This stuff has happened before.
Islam: Stuff happening is the will of Allah.
Zen: What is the sound of stuff happening?
Existentialism: Stuff doesn't happen; stuff is.
Buddhism: When stuff happens, is it really stuff?
Confucianism: Confucius says, "Stuff happens".
7th day Adventist: Stuff happens on Saturdays.
Stuff won't happen if you work harder.
Catholicism: If stuff happens, you deserved it.
Jehovah's Witnesses: No stuff happens until Armaggedon, and it won't happen to us.
Unitarian: What is this stuff?
Mormon: Stuff happens again & again & again.
Judaism: Why does this stuff always happen to us?
Pentacostalism: Praise the stuff!
Atheism: There is no stuff!
New Age: Stuff happens and it happens to smell good if you open your heart to it.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this stuff.

About "The Devil"

* It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui. (boredom) - Helen Keller

* An apology for the Devil: It must be remembered that we have only heard one side of the case. God has written all the books. - Orson Scott Card

* But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? - Mark Twain

Photo by Sister72 @ flickr

Inspiring Thoughtful Quotes

* A religious awakening, which does not awaken the sleeper to love, has roused him in vain. - Jessamyn West

* It doesn't really make a difference what religion is right. What really matters is the one I choose to believe in. Because that's the one that helps me get through the day and back to my bed at night. - Anonymous

* In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing. - Mark Twain

* My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine

* Go to the truth beyond the mind. Love is the bridge. - Stephen Levine

* When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion. -
Abraham Lincoln

* I adopted the theory of reincarnation when I was twenty-six. Religion offered nothing to the point. Even work could not give me complete satisfaction. Work is futile if we cannot utilize the experience we collect in one life in the next. When I discovered reincarnation . . . time was no longer limited. I was no longer a slave to the hands of the clock. . . . I would like to communicate to others the calmness that the long view of life gives to us.
- Henry Ford

* True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness. - Albert Einstein

* What is to give light must endure burning. - Viktor Frankl

* We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another. - Jonathan Swift

* Everybody that is just is called to form part of the Kingdom of Heaven - whether they be Buddhas, Jews, or Atheists - as long as they are good. The worst prison is a closed heart. - Pope John Paul II

* If two philosophers agree, one is not a philosopher.
If two saints disagree, one is not a saint. - Tibetan saying

* Nirvana or lasting enlightenment or true spiritual growth can be achieved only through persistent exercise of real love. - M. Scott Peck

* Silence is a great help to a seeker after truth. In the attitude
of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light and what is
elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth, and the soul requires inward restfulness to attain its full height. - Mohandas K. Gandhi

* What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. - Richard Bach

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