24 March 2009

Roundup of Late Night Shows' Funnies

Earmarks and Bailouts and Fraud, Oh My!

ABC News This Week with George Stephanopoulous

The Late Late Show

Here's how bad the economy is. "Sesame Street" has had to lay off 67 people. Now all the characters are living in garbage cans.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The president said we can't stick with the school calendar that was created during a time when most Americans were farmers. He is right. We need a new school calendar for a time when most Americans are unemployed.

The Tonight Show

Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion in profit. That just goes to show you, you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, and they'll show you how to turn it into $8 billion.

The Colbert Report

Today he announced he is ending the abuse of earmarks! [Cut to graphic bill.] Then, to show he means business, he signed an appropriations bill containing nearly 9,000 earmarks... Now, the bill was written months ago and the president signed it reluctantly. You can tell by looking at his signature [full screen signature with a big frownie face in O of Obama].

Late Night

Bernie [Madoff] and his wife, Ruth, have been in the penthouse. They got together and said we have $69 million. We'd like to hang on this $69 million. They said are you nuts? This is not fraud money. This is money we saved by switching to Geico.
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