22 July 2009

Cheeky Quote Day! 22 July 2009

Funny Quotes about unemployment and jobs from the Quote Garden.

Clown Photo by Tanzan @ flickr

From Denny: When the world is in chaos, the economy is confused and your 401K is now a 201K and descending, you just have to laugh about it all! Over at the Quote Garden site, bless their industrious little souls, they actually had a category for unemployment and another one for jobs quotes. I managed to cull out the lighter ones, enjoy!

We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us. ~ Author Unknown

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own. ~ President Harry S. Truman

Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden. ~ Orson Scott Card

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. ~ Slappy White

Cessation of work is not accompanied by cessation of expenses. ~ Cato the Elder

An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. ~ Author Unknown

Unemployment diminishes people. Leisure enlarges them. ~ Mason Cooley
(Hmmm… is this guy telling us that now is a great time to lose weight???)

We believe that if men have the talent to invent new machines that put men out of work, they have the talent to put those men back to work. ~ President John F. Kennedy
(Will someone please send this quote to the Republicans?)

When I quit working, I lost all sense of identity in about fifteen minutes. ~ Paige Rense

What is the good of being a genius if you cannot use it as an excuse for being unemployed? ~ Gerald Barzan

The number one sign you have nothing to do at work: The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish. ~ Fred Barling, "Humorscope"

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. ~ H. Jackson Browne

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. ~ Doug Larson

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. ~ Robert Orben

If a train station is where the train stops, what's a work station? ~ Author Unknown

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. ~ John G. Pollard

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. ~ Author Unknown

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. ~ "Fats" Domino

Monday is a lame way to spend 1/7 of your life. ~ Author Unknown

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. ~ Howard Aiken

A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn. ~ Dave Barry

The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play. ~ Arnold Toynbee

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. ~ Stanley J. Randall

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. ~ Douglas Adams

I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy. ~ Danny McGoorty

Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say that by the time you wake up you'll feel so good, you'll be able to start looking for a new job. ~ Jay Leno

I've met a few people in my time who were enthusiastic about hard work. And it was just my luck that all of them happened to be men I was working for at the time. ~ Bill Gold

A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time. ~ William C. Feather

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. ~ Author Unknown

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. ~ Niels Bohr

You're no good unless you are a good assistant; and if you are, you're too good to be an assistant. ~ Martin H. Fischer

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. ~ Ogden Nash

Commuter - one who spends his life
In riding to and from his wife;
A man who shaves and takes a train,
And then rides back to shave again.
~ E.B. White, "The Commuter," Poems and Sketches, 1982

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. ~ Robert Frost

The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week. ~ Robert Frost

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. ~ C. Northcote Parkinson, 1958

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer. ~ Dean Acheson
(Otherwise known as C.Y.A)

What is it that you like doing? If you don't like it, get out of it, because you'll be lousy at it. ~ Lee Iacocca

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. ~ Bertrand Russell

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work. ~ Pearl Bailey

Retired is being twice tired, I've thought
First tired of working,
Then tired of not.
~ Richard Armour

Statistics indicate that, as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses. ~ Ira Wallach

I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week. ~ Vince McMahon

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. ~ Robert Frost

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. ~ Author Unknown

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. ~ Paula Poundstone

If you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. ~ Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

(Let's see: half-assed pay = half-assed work or the old proverb: If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.)

John F. Kennedy, Cheeky Quote Day, Orson Scott Card, Bertrand Russell, Dave Barry, United States, C. Northcote Parkinson, Harry Truman, Dean Acheson, the social poets, Denny Lyon, unemployment quotes, jobs quotes, Quote Garden, humor, funny quotes

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