Monday Roundup of Late Night Comedy - 5 Apr 2010

From Denny: We're catching up with the April Fools Day and Easter jokes. In foreign policy news: The President Bush puppet, President Karzai of Afghanistan, now a rebel puppet towards President Obama, has bird bombed America recently.

Lots of chatter about the Census choices of racial and ethnic group choices - and plenty of humor about the militias and Tea Party folks writing in their own choices. The Republicans - and their various shocking sex scandals of using political funds to pay for sex escapades - continues to keep on giving to the comics, including funny videos from David Letterman and Jon Stewart to entertain you.

And the Catholic Church and its enablers continue to be tone deaf about the sex abuse, still they don't accept true accountability. The entire Catholic clergy needs to go on a seven-year long extreme fast to tame their bad attitudes and open their hearts to the suffering they have caused and enabled. While they are at it they need to lose the fancy vestments that puff up their egos into thinking they can display the king mentality: "They will get nothing and like it!"

Tiger Woods returns to the professional golf circuit. Did any of you see the news footage of him at practice on the golf course with the gallery in the background? Did anyone wonder why they were so adoring? The word is Woods has hired a public relations firm to rehabilitate his reputation. So... perhaps those people in the gallery were there just for show, playing to the news media that the public doesn't mind Tiger's bizarre antics and everything is just fine now...? Read that as just more fantasy world from Tiger Woods. I wonder how many more "mistresses" will appear just in time to titillate the yellow journalism media when the Masters tournament begins...



From David Letterman:


Census time, ladies and gentlemen. President Obama filled out his Census. I felt bad for the guy. Like he needs another reminder that he lives with his mother-in-law.

Here's a fascinating story. The Republican National Committee got together and said, 'You know, boys, things are going so well for us here lately, let's have a party.' So they said, 'Well, yeah, but we don't want to pay for it.' And they said: 'No. We'll get the Republican National Committee to pay for it — money that we get from donations and contributions. We'll let the folks pay for it.' And everybody said, 'Great, what do we do?' And they said, 'Well, let's go to Los Angeles to a sex club.' And they said, 'Great!' So they end up there at a bondage club in Los Angeles. And I thought that makes perfect sense because Republicans love tying things up: health care, you know; climate control; financial reform.

Now here's a fascinating story. And this kind of thing happens all the time. But every time it happens, we always say, 'Whoa, here we go.' The Republican National Committee had a big party at some kind of a sex club in Los Angeles. They spent $2,000 of campaign donation money on the bill at the sex club in Los Angeles. But the guy who organized the big Republican sex party apologized on the Golf Channel, so that's good.

Pamela Anderson on 'Dancing with the Stars'. You know who else is on 'Dancing with the Stars'? Former astronaut Buzz Aldrin. Pam Anderson and Buzz Aldrin. Honest to God, it looks like a Republican ticket.

David Letterman's Top Ten Republican National Committee Excuses

10. 'We're fat, dumb, rich guys, nuff said?'
9. 'Thought 'SM' door was Sen. McCain's office'
8. 'It wasn't a sex club, just a regular club where grown men tickle each other'
7. 'Scott Brown raved about the place'
6. 'The Sheraton's meeting rooms were already booked'
5. 'I'm sorry, Ricky Martin is gay?'
4. 'Abraham Lincoln routinely spent $2,000 a night in sex clubs'
3. 'We're fat, dumb, rich guys, nuff said?'
2. 'If we can't spend donor money at a sex club, the terrorists have won'
1. 'Research for pending legislation 'No Stripper Left Behind''

Did you hear about this? President Obama, big surprise visit to see the folks in Afghanistan. Did you read all about that? That's kind of exciting. It turns out he was shooting an episode of 'Undercover Boss.'

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He met with Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai, but Karzai was late for the meeting. You know why he was late for the meeting? He had transportation trouble. The accelerator on his camel.

This was an important meeting. Both presidents agreed that we have to work to wipe out terror networks. Get rid of terror networks, like Al Qaeda, the Taliban, Fox News.

Obama demanded more accountability. He said we got to have more accountability, we got to have a crackdown on corruption; we have to have a better government. And he said if it works in Afghanistan, we're going to try it back home in the United States.

You know who is out campaigning now again? John McCain and his buddy Sarah Palin. I mean, come on, it worked so well the last time.

Sarah Palin was campaigning in a, you know, a motorcycle jacket. She looks like somebody Jesse James would date.


David Letterman's Top Ten Highlights of President Obama's Trip To Afghanistan


10. The welcoming chants of "Death to America!"
9. Using miles to get bumped up to business class
8. Picking up sexy negligee for Michelle at "Mahboba's Secret"
7. Playing a little 1-on-1 with Hamid Karzai
6. Seeing "Hot Tub Time Machine" dubbed in Pashto
5. Military demonstration on new secret weapon: ground-to-air-goat
4. The splendor of Kabul in the springtime
3. Catching Jon Lovitz at new Kandahar comedy club "Laffghanistan"
2. Spotting a confused John McCain arguing with a falafel
1. Leaving Afghanistan


David Letterman has fun with the RNC sex scandal version of a tickle club:





From Jimmy Kimmel:


Some people aren't sending their census forms because they're angry at the government, which is dumb because the census is how we figure out who gets represented. So if you don't send in your form, your state gets fewer congressmen. Which, come to think of it, maybe none of us should send in our forms because no congressmen seems like the perfect number, really.

When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as psychopaths, and then the rest of us.

Thursday is Census deadline day. The census would like every resident of the United States to fill out their form and mail it in. If you don't know how many people live in your house, just count the number of iPods.

And remember, you know, the Census Bureau sends a Census taker to any home that doesn't reply by mail. So unless you want to have a conversation with another human being, you better get that in.

Former Gov. Sarah Palin has been very busy. She's been campaigning for select Republicans, including John McCain, who's in the middle of a tough Senate race in Arizona. How does he introduce her? 'And now, the young woman who cost me the presidency, Sarah Palin!'


Yay, for tax season is literally upon us! :)

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From Jay Leno:


This week, President Obama issued a proclamation declaring it Cesar Chavez Day. So this week was both Passover and Cesar Chavez Day. See, one holiday celebrates the flight of the Jewish people from Egypt to Israel, the other celebrates the flight of Mexican people from Tijuana to Los Angeles.

President Obama announced this week that he is opening more sites for offshore oil drilling. Do you know what that means? If we find enough oil, we could one day invade ourselves.

This is my favorite story of the week. The Republican National Committee is in trouble after spending nearly $2,000 at a bondage club in Hollywood. You know what I call a Republican that spends a lot of money in a strip club? A Democrat.

In fact, one eyewitness said 'some of the things going on in the club were almost too masochistic for the Republicans to watch.' Like in one room, there was a video being played over and over of President Obama signing the healthcare bill.

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Because it's Easter, Catholic priests have been hearing confession all week — mostly from other Catholic priests,

Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.

Well, earlier today, President Obama canceled the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt. Instead, the kids are going to be on the lawn of the White House drilling for oil.

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Well, here's some good news for us. Iran's top nuclear scientist has defected to the CIA and is now here in the United States. He's now on our side. And he had some frightening information. He said Iran was just weeks away from developing their very own Toyota Prius.

It looks like Sarah Palin will be doing some kind of reality show on cable. They say her exact role on the show is unknown, kind of like when she campaigned for McCain.

Did you see John McCain with Sarah Palin next to him over the weekend? At first I thought it was Buzz Aldrin on 'Dancing with the Stars.'

The chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele – you probably heard about this – he got in a lot of trouble. I guess they dropped over $2,000 to staffers at a topless bondage theme nightclub right here in Hollywood. And what's the Republicans' big issue right now? Isn't it – oh, yeah – cutting down on wasteful spending?

Michael Steele. Doesn't he sound like he would be a dancer at a bondage theme nightclub?

Vice President Joe Biden did it again. He showed up at the White House Seder last night with a bunch of ham sandwiches.

Well, according to 'Newsweek,' the FBI now says Osama bin Laden is healthy and giving the orders once again for al Qaeda. Today, Republicans blamed it on the new healthcare bill.

First Lady Michelle Obama attended the Kids' Choice Awards over the weekend. See, I don't think the President had ever seen that show. Like, when she got home, the President asked Michelle how it went. She said there was a lot of slime. And President Obama said, 'Fox News was there?'

President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan this past weekend. I guess after the last 14 months in Washington, he wanted to go someplace where there was less fighting.

Pretty quick trip. In fact, it happened so fast, Joe Biden didn't even have a chance to say something stupid about it.

And, as you know, the people have spoken, but health care passed anyway.

Congress is now preparing to pass yet another jobs bill. You know how to create more jobs in this country? Fire the people that wrote the first jobs bill. That obviously didn't work.

Osama bin Laden has released a new audiotape in which he threatens to kill Americans. You know, as opposed to his earlier, new-age motivational tape.

Well, the FBI is now saying that Al Qaeda may be planning an attack on a U.S. sports stadium. See, I don't think Al Qaeda, though, has any idea about our sports. You know what their big plan is? To hit Wrigley Field during the World Series.

And over in Afghanistan, the U.S. military is now using pilotless drones to attack Al Qaeda. Do you know what those are? It's a plane that doesn't have any pilot. It's flown by remote control by somebody on the ground. Or as Southwest calls that, 'the next step.'

Sarah Palin had a weekend for her: Changing diapers; opening up jars of baby food; cutting meat into little pieces. Just another day campaigning with John McCain.

And unemployment in Florida hit a record high of 12.2 percent. You want to know how bad it is down there? Today, the Coast Guard picked up 50 Cubans off the coast of Miami trying to swim back to Cuba.


Jon Stewart heckles the GOP lesbian bondage club scandal. Republican politics just keeps on giving to the comedy world. You can't make up this stuff! Why bother? The Republicans hand it to you on a silver platter. :)

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From Craig Ferguson:


Do you know in Switzerland, in Geneva, scientists are celebrating? They have a multimillion-dollar atom-smasher that has given us new information on how the universe began. Couldn't these scientists save some money and just ask Larry King?

During a fundraising trip to California, some young Republicans took the Republican Party credit card to a club in Hollywood that has nude dancers doing bondage shows. Usually when Republicans find themselves in dark rooms with whips and chains, it's in Dick Cheney's basement.

It must be very embarrassing for the people involved. I'm sure the strippers didn't want anyone to know they were hanging out with politicians.

At least it was the young Republicans that did this. Could you imagine Bob Dole and John McCain walking in there?

Republican donors aren't happy about this. It's not fair that rich Republicans spend huge amounts of money at sex clubs and poor Republicans have to go to airport bathrooms.


President Obama's controversial new energy policy to destroy the Atlantic coast's continental shelf. Read that as move to higher ground, folks, the ocean is coming your way within 30 years just like in Louisiana as the oil companies create massive pot holes in the earth's crust and the natural gas companies depletes that pocket of gas that used to hold up the land your house is sitting on top of there, creating yet more sink holes. Does the greed and political enabling/pandering ever stop?

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From Jimmy Fallon:


Today is April Fools' Day, that day of the year when you can't get anyone to believe anything you say — or as Gov. Paterson calls it, 'Any day.'

As part of an April Fools' Day prank, Google renamed itself 'Topeka.' As part of a really desperate prank, Yahoo renamed itself 'Google.'

During a speech at the White House, President Obama said that 'teleworking' from home can boost efficiency. Kind of interesting advice from a guy who just flew 13 hours to Afghanistan to say 'what's up.'

Hey, you guys, baseball season starts next week. And President Obama is going to throw out the first pitch at the Nationals game. Meanwhile, Joe Biden will be on hand to make the first error.

You guys hear about this? Sarah Palin has a new Fox News series, which is being described as a show about people with real-life tales of overcoming adversity. Hey, she should do a story about that guy who became the first black president. That would be a good story. Think about that one.

On the 'Today' show this morning, President Obama said that adjustments will need to be made to the new healthcare law. In fact, it's getting so many adjustments, Obama's now calling it the Heidi Montag of congressional bills.

In the same interview, President Obama said that his family has decided not to join any one, single church, because he causes too much of a disruption at services. At the last service, the priest was like, 'In the name of the Father, the Son and holy cow, the President!'



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Health Care Quips and Tea Party Jabs, Roundup of Late Night Comedy - 29 Mar 2010

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From Denny: And here they are in all their glory discussing the passage of the health care bill, the Tea Party, the mishandling - again - by the Catholic Church of yet more sex scandals, this time in Europe, our crazy American politics and even the Census. Enjoy the three video clips from Jon Stewart and Jimmy Fallon. Have a great work week! Oh, and wishing you a very Happy Easter! Try not to pig out on those rich chocolate bunnies... (save some for me)





From Jay Leno:


According to Men's Health magazine, 21 percent of men surveyed would rather have a sexier nurse than a more competent doctor when they're in the hospital. I say, why not have both? The government's paying for it now. Who cares?

Sarah Palin spoke out this week against the health care reform bill, saying, 'Elections have consequences.' Well, of course, elections have consequences. That's why right now, instead of being vice president of the United States, she's trying to get a reality show on the Animal Planet.

They're now looking into whether cosmic rays from outer space could be responsible for causing Priuses to accelerate. What, is Toyota blaming Klingons now?

Well, today, President Obama signed the landmark health care reform bill into law, or as President Obama refers to it, 'The Rush Limbaugh Deportation Act.'

President Obama, boy, he's feeling like a Toyota driver today. There's no stopping him.

I'll tell you how excited the president is. Today, he changed his slogan from 'Yes, we can,' to 'Yes, we finally did something.'

Of course, the White House is now denying it made any side deals with members of Congress to pass this bill. See, I don't know if that's true. Did you see Mount Rushmore today? They're adding Dennis Kucinich's face to it.

Of course, this all couldn't have been done without the help of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. And today, the president thanked her for her unblinking support.

Actually, Nancy Pelosi used the Internet to help gain support for this. She reached out to people on her favorite social networking site, Icantmovemyfacebook.com.

And to help sell this plan to the American people, President Obama said it's the same plan Congress has. See, I think that's a mistake. I think that's why a lot of people opposed it. Have you seen members of Congress? Do they look healthy to you? Anybody here want to be as fat as Barney Frank? Huh? You want to be as orange as John Boehner? I don't think so.

And of course, a lot of right wingers are very upset about this because they believe this health care bill will cost a lot of money. You know what I think? Just pretend it's another unnecessary war. You'll feel better about it already.

And over the weekend, tens of thousands of illegal immigrants rallied across the country demanding a path to citizenship. Don't we have a path to citizenship? It's called the San Diego Freeway.

And the Pentagon is changing Army basic training for the first time in 30 years to deal with the fact that so many new recruits are so overweight. In fact, the Army's new slogan, 'Don't ask, no seconds.'

A lot of upsets over the weekend. Kansas lost to Northern Iowa. Georgetown lost to Ohio. Republicans lost to the Democrats.

Well, as you know, health care reform was passed by the House last night. Supporters of the bill say the American people now get the same health benefits members of Congress get, which is great. See, if we can just get some of those other perks — the free travel, the envelopes with the cash in them, the get-out-of-jail-free cards — oh, all of that could be great.

You know, not a single Republican voted for the health care bill. They claim the U.S. government isn't qualified to be in the health care business. Hey, kept Dick Cheney alive the last 30 years. It's got to be worth something.

Do you know who's going to be in charge of health care? The IRS No, this is true. The IRS will be in charge of enforcing the new health care laws. You thought you hated getting audited by the government? Wait until they're in charge of your prostate exam, O.K.?

And we're getting more details on what happened in the White House after the vote. In fact, the minute it passed, Joe Biden, he was speechless. So, right there, the bill is already paying dividends.

And before the vote, protesters on Capitol Hill heckled Nancy Pelosi. But she managed to keep a stiff upper lip, as well as a tightly stretched forehead, and an unnaturally arched eyebrow.

President Obama said last night this proves this is a government of the people, and by the people, except for the 55 percent of the people who opposed him.

See, and the nice thing is, if you lose your job, you know, you're still covered, which is great news for the Democrats in November.

And Defense Secretary Robert Gates announced, for the first time in the Navy's history, women will be allowed to serve on submarines. See, the problem before was they didn't want men and women spending time together in such unbelievably cramped quarters. And then they realized, 'Wait a minute, it's no different than flying Southwest.'

According to a new Gallup poll, Congress's approval rating is at an all-time low, 16 percent. Only 16 percent of Americans think Congress is doing a good job. The other 84 percent didn't get any bailout money.

And the famous jeweler, Tiffany & Company, announced their fourth-quarter profits were quadruple what they were this time last year. Experts say it's either a sign the economy is improving or more guys are getting caught cheating.

Bernard Madoff was assaulted back in November in a prison dispute over money. The authorities are investigating the attack and have narrowed the suspects down to 'everybody.'






Jon Stewart's Best Tea Bagger Moments - or How Odd The News Is These Days:

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From David Letterman:



Oh, hey, are you ready for the 2010 census? It's going to be complicated this year. So the government should have patience. Here's part of the problem: Most Americans count as two.

Have you filled out a census form? Here's the deal: 10 questions in 10 minutes. That's what they're saying. Coincidentally, that is how John McCain chose his running mate.

You got to count everybody in your household for the census. Right now, Angelina Jolie is going through the place with one of those clickers.

You people are in such a great mood. I really appreciate it because on a day like this, it's lousy weather. Here in New York City, it was 49 and gloomy. You know, like Glenn Beck.

Are you folks happy about the health care bill reform that the Congress has passed? Some people are unhappy about it. A lot of people unhappy about it. Here are two reasons I'm unhappy about it. One, I love paying huge money for health care. And the other thing, I used to love driving to Canada to buy cheap drugs. I loved that, too. I am steamed.

This has been very divisive. The Republicans are thinking: 'O.K., all right. We didn't think this was going to go the way it went. Now we really got to get something together. We have to put our heads to this.' They've come up with a great plan that they think has legislative viability to repeal the health care reform bill. You know what it is? Four words. Four words: Hot tub time machine.

How about basketball? Anybody here suffering from March Madness? Well, don't worry. It's covered by the new health care plan.

Don't let people lie to you. We're not out of this recession. Anybody here think we're out of the recession? No, we're not out of it. We have no money. No jobs. The recession is still going strong. More trouble for the United States economy. The U.S. debt now may lose its triple-A rating. And I said to myself, 'Well, who cares what the auto club thinks?'

You know what's coming up is the 2010 Census form. You have to pick up your Census form. There will be some changes. First of all, when you hear the Census, you think, oh, please, mind your own business. But you can't have that attitude. You've got to pick up the Census form and fill it out. There's changes in the form this year. For example, under gender you have your choice — male, female, or gaga. It's a third category.

You have to include everybody in your house. For example, you must include people, even people who just sleep part-time in your house. They have to be included on the Census form. Like Sandra Bullock's husband.

Yesterday in Washington, D.C., history was made. Congress actually worked on a Sunday.

Congress passed the health care reform bill. Well, that was easy.

A lot of people are unhappy about the health care bill. Americans love paying sky-high medical bills. That's the problem.

And the Democrats were thrilled, as you can guess. And they got a little rowdy, as Democrats can do. They tipped over Rush Limbaugh.






From Jimmy Fallon:


Jersey Shore' is premiering in 30 different countries this week. It will be shown in France, except in France it's called 'Another Reason to Hate America.'

I was reading today that the whole healthcare fight took a big toll on Nancy Pelosi's popularity. Her favorability rating is down to 11 percent, making her the most disliked woman in America with less than eight kids.

Porn star Devon 'Triple X' James says that Tiger Woods paid her to have sex back in 2006. Hopefully this situation will make parents think twice before raising their daughters with the middle name 'Triple X.'

After signing the health care bill, Obama hugged Nancy Pelosi, twice. He called her one of the best speakers the House has ever had. And then he called Harry Reid one of the best majority leaders the Senate has ever had. Obama is either really excited about health care or totally wasted. 'I love you. I'm serious. You're the best. You guys are the best.'

Hawaii wants to be the location for President Obama's presidential library because that's where he was born and raised. But really, when you go to Hawaii, the first thought that comes to your mind is, 'I got to hit the library,' isn't it? So, it's kind of perfect.





Jimmy Fallon weights the pros and cons of the new health care just passed:









From Bill Maher:


The Democrats need 216 vote to pass health care reform. So you know, they have these little charts. And in the latest count, seven Democrats who were against it have now flipped. Four, after arm twisting by Obama. And three after tickling by Eric Massa.

People on the inside, you know with the inside information, say it does look good for the Democrats. Because, you know, they have this little inside stuff. They found out Nancy Pelosi called her plastic surgeon to ask if her smile would be ready for Sunday.

There’s a Congressman from Georgia named Paul Broun. He said, I’m not making this up, he said if Obama-care passes, that insurance card in your wallet is gonna be as worthless as the Confederate dollar after the Great War of Yankee Aggression … Is it OK now to call Republicans a bunch of crazy crackers?"

Netanyahu, the Prime Minister of Israel, his brother-in-law accused President Obama of being anti-Semitic. And Obama handled it gracefully. He said if I’m anti-Semitic, how come I bailed out all those Jew bankers?

New Rule: Stop worrying that crackpots are inserting their dogma into Texas schoolbooks. Sure, replacing Thomas Jefferson with Phyllis Schlafly is troubling, but it’s Texas. The only use Texans have for textbooks is to sit on them so they can get a better view of the football game. The last person to even notice Texas had schoolbooks was Lee Harvey Oswald.





From Craig Ferguson:


James Cameron, who directed 'Avatar,' is in a feud with Glenn Beck, because Cameron called him a mad man. The two are very different. One makes millions creating fictional stories, and the other is James Cameron.

The rising sea levels in the Indian Ocean have caused an island to vanish. Yesterday, Ben and Jerry were giving away free ice cream and today, global warming causes an island to disappear. It's a terrible rollercoaster week for Al Gore — so happy, but so alarmed.

What kind of a day is it for you? Because I think it is a great day for America! It is. And I'll tell you why. Because all day today Ben & Jerry's was giving out free ice cream. And Starbucks was giving out free pastries. Everybody's getting cocky now that there's free health insurance. Eat what you like. Diabetes? Who cares?



Jimmy Fallon's parody on VP Joe Biden's remark about how the passage of the health care bill is "a big f***ing deal!":







From Jimmy Kimmel:

Former Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush traveled to Haiti this week to talk about the country's long-term recovery plan. It was a departure for President Bush. It's unusual for him to visit a disaster of this scope and magnitude that wasn't his fault.

President Obama won one of the great — they're calling it — the 'great legislative victories of the last 50 years' last night. He won health care reform approval to extend coverage to millions of uninsured Americans, or as the Republicans are calling it 'Armageddon.' Personally, I think it's great. Maybe now, I can finally get a gynecologist to see me.

Anti-health care reform protesters outside the Capitol were downright vicious. They yelled the N-word at black legislators, they yelled the F-word at gay legislators, they yelled the W-word at Latino legislators. It was like the Sesame Street of hate.

Tonight was the season premiere of season 10 of 'Dancing with the Stars.' It's a smaller cast, including Buzz Aldrin, whose wife commented on his chances to win. 'I don't think people realize Buzz is a risk-taker.' They don't? He went to the moon, you know, first. In a Toyota, by the way.

Buzz Aldrin, by the way, is 80 years old. How crazy would it be if one of the first men on the moon was killed in a dancing accident?

An entire day has passed since the healthcare reform was enacted, and the country has not been destroyed. You really can't trust politicians.

This morning, President Obama signed into law the health care bill that was passed by the House of Representatives on Sunday. The Republican Party is not happy about the bill. Senator John McCain told a radio show yesterday that the bill was done in quote, 'the most unsavory Chicago sausage-making' that he's seen in all his years. First of all, I can say from experience that there is nothing unsavory about Chicago sausage. It couldn't be more savory, in fact. And that's not a liberal or conservative point of view. That's an American statement right there, a fat American statement.

McCain also said that there will be no cooperation from Republicans for the rest of the year. So that should be good for the country.

What a shame to see all that cooperating end, you know? This is like the coyote announcing he's no longer cooperating with the road runner.

This is kind of crazy. I don't know if I believe this. A new Harris poll found that 57 percent of Republicans believe President Obama is a Muslim — 57 percent. 45 percent believe he was not born in the United States. 38 percent feel he's, quote, 'doing many of the things that Hitler did.' And 24 percent believe he may be the Antichrist. Oh, like Oprah would date the Antichrist.

That's ridiculous: 38 percent believe he's like Hitler? How is that possible? He doesn't even have a mustache. How could he be like Hitler? Did Hitler play basketball? No, seriously, did Hitler play basketball?


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This Week: Roundup of Sunday Funnies - Extremists Can Be Very Fickle

From Denny: And from our late night comedy show friends here is their latest silly banter to keep you entertained! Start your work week off right with a grin!

Late Late Show

Craig Ferguson: It's another busy day for President Obama. He's over in the Middle East. Don't worry because Joe Biden is running the country.

The Tonight Show

Conan O'Brien: North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Il is in the process of deciding who is going to be his successor and the most likely person is his youngest son Kim Jong-Un. He's excited but realizes he's got some awfully big women's sunglasses to fill.

Late Late Show

Craig Ferguson: [Presdident Obama] took a tour of the pyramids. When he saw those massive structures that no longer serve any purpose, he offered to give them a bailout.

The Colbert Report

Stephen Colbert: If we conservatives try to stand up to this reverse racism, we're going to lose crucial Latino votes. Just as GOP leaders were beginning their outreach to Hispanics! Many have even asked their gardener what his name is!

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Jimmy Kimmel: His speech for the most part has been very well received. [Obama:] 'America is not and never will be at war with Islam.' (Tape of actors dressed as extremists in audience taking off weapons.) [Obama:] 'We will, however, relentlessly confront violent extremists who pose a grave threat to our security.' (Tape of actors dressed as extremists sighing, putting on weapons.) Extremists can be very fickle.

Photo by Tansan @ flickr