18 January 2010

Roundup of Late Night Funnies 18 Jan 2010, Conan OBrien and Jon Stewart videos

*** Conan's famous video of trashing NBC execs and Jon Stewart's News of the Weird, featured videos.

From Denny: The bizarre decision from NBC to screw with the late night shows line-up has caused a lot of talk across America. Even more so it has given grist to the comedians and they have been having a lot of fun with it. David Letterman is having the most fun of all as NBC's decision to yank Conan's chain has now made Letterman the number one show - all because he had the sense to remain in his time slot and not mess with a winning formula. :)

Somebody at NBC so needs to get fired for idiot decisions. Come on; who decides to put a late night show up against popular prime time dramas? The whole point of late night shows was for people to have something intelligent to watch after the news - which came on after the prime time dramas. The networks have conditioned three generations of Americans to that formula. So, what nitwit thought they could change horses in mid-stream?

Oh, and did I mention the whole reason NBC reverted back to the old formula is because too many affiliates said they are losing ad revenue? Jay Leno was unable to attract enough viewers compared to the prime time dramas. There it is: money as the motivating factor. You know you are living in America. Leno pulled in 5 million and The Mentalist (a fav at our house) pulls in 17 million viewers. Who do you think the advertisers are going to run to for reaching their market?

From Conan O'Brien:

Hello, there, I'm Conan O'Brien, NBC's employee of the month.

Now, there's a rumor. This came out today. There's a rumor that NBC is so upset with me, they want to keep me off the air for three years. That's what they say. Yeah, my response to that is, if NBC doesn't want people to see me, just leave me on NBC. It's like I'll be in the witness protection program.

Time sure does fly, though. It's crazy to think about this. Do you realize that a baby born on the day we did our first 'Tonight Show' is now a slightly larger baby?

Now, my future is, well, it's pretty uncertain right now, and this is absolutely true, I'm not making this up. I received a letter from the adult film company Pink Visual, offering me a role in one of their porno movies. That's true. That's absolutely true. It's great, yeah. In the movie, I'd be having sex with a beautiful woman, and just as we're about to climax, I get replaced by Jay Leno.

It's been reported that an 8-year-old boy from New Jersey is on the government's airport watch list because he has the same name as a possible terrorist. So, it's been a really bad week for little Skippy bin Laden.

Hosting 'The Tonight Show' has been the fulfillment of a lifelong dream to me. And I want to say to the kids out there watching, you can do anything you want in life unless Jay Leno wants to do it, too." –Conan O'Brien

According to a new TV Guide poll, 83 percent of voters — 83 percent — want me to stay at 11:35. And here's the interesting part. When he heard this poll number, President Obama asked, 'How can I get NBC to screw me over?'

I'm getting a lot of support out there. Especially from an online group calling themselves 'Team Conan,' which is nice. Yeah. No, it's very exciting. It's the first time in my life that I've been on a team when I wasn't picked last.'

Last night, the new season of 'American Idol' started on the Fox Network and it was watched by an audience of 30 million people. Yeah. Yeah, when they heard that, NBC executives said, 'That's not true. There's no such thing as an audience that's 30 million people.'

From Jay Leno:

'Welcome to the new show, 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Off NBC!'

Sarah Palin has signed with Fox News to be a correspondent. Well, in a statement today, Fox said if Palin does a good job, they'll sign her to a longtime contract. If she doesn't work out, they'll just blame Leno. That's what they said.

As you know, security is being upgraded at airports all across the country. They're really cracking down. In fact, today, Osama bin Laden's name was put on the do-not-fly list.

As you know, a little bit of controversy going on here at NBC. Actually the 'Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien' ratings have gone up. They've gone up. ... So, you're welcome." –Jay Leno

Well, some good news from Afghanistan. Did you hear about this? Critics of the war have stopped referring to it as another Vietnam. The bad news? They're now calling it another NBC.

Conan O'Brien, understandably, is very upset. He had a statement in the paper yesterday. And Conan said, NBC had only given him seven months to make his show work. When I heard that, seven months, how'd he get that deal? We only got four.

Well, a lot of people don't like these airport body scanners. They say they don't like security officials seeing naked images of their bodies. Huh? Have you seen most Americans lately? Come on. It's no picnic for the security people either.

The government issued a statement this week saying most people aren't complaining about the full-body scanners. See, the government always says that. Every time there's another intrusion into our privacy, they say most people aren't complaining. Well, of course, most people aren't complaining. You know what happens when you complain at airport security? You get a colonoscopy (a tiny camera shoved up your butt) and wind up on a terrorists watch list.

Well, it's growing more and more likely that California will legalize marijuana. You mean it's not already legal?

You know what that means? One day in California, you could be buying legalized marijuana at a Wal-Mart from a cashier who's not even legal.

Sarah Palin has signed on to become a Fox News correspondent. And in a related story, John McCain just picked up an endorsement deal to be a spokesman for the SCOOTER Store.

News of the Weird - Mark McGwire, Game Change & Sarah Palin

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
News of the Weird - Mark McGwire, Game Change & Sarah Palin
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealth Care Crisis

From David Letterman:

Do you folks know what is going on with NBC and the trouble they're having with Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien? I thought this was nice. President Obama invited Jay and Conan to the White House for a beer.

Our good friend, Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, is a contributor to Fox News. Only been there a couple days. Already making friends. Today, she loaned Glenn Beck some mascara that does not run when you cry.

She's doing a lot of public speaking, and next week, she will be in Las Vegas speaking at a liquor convention. And what a coincidence, because I think McCain was drunk when he picked her.

There's a new book out about the most recent U.S. presidential campaign. In the book, it says Sarah Palin was unprepared to be vice president. And I thought, boy, you think you know somebody." –David Letterman

Sarah Palin made her debut as a Fox News analyst. They finally found a job that she's not under-qualified for.

Conan O'Brien said yesterday, I'm not doing the tonight show at 12:05. ... He said forget it, I'm not doing the show at 12:05. NBC went back and decided to sweeten the deal and they offered him 12:04.'

The whole idea is NBC wanted to get a thing going, whereby they wouldn't make the same mistake they made when Johnny Carson quit and retired, that there were a lot of bad feelings. They wanted to avoid causing more bad feelings. Well, mission accomplished. There you go. I miss Johnny Carson. By God when Johnny quit, he quit.'

Last night on ABC, Jimmy Kimmel did the entire show as Jay Leno. ... Jimmy Kimmel was so convincing as Jay Leno, they canceled him.

I want to tell you something. I have not been this entertained by NBC since balloon boy threw up on the 'Today Show.'

From Jimmy Kimmel:

There's big news out of Washington today. President Obama announced a plan to recover federal bailout money from banks. I guess that explains why Biden was seen yesterday buying a gun and a ski mask.

In an interview with People magazine, Michelle Obama said that she's heard about MTV's 'Jersey Shore,' but she hasn't seen it. It's funny. That's exactly what the people on 'Jersey Shore' said about the Obamas.

The latest NBC news, if you're interested is, not only will Conan O'Brien be replaced by Jay Leno of the 'Tonight Show,' possibly as soon as after next week is the rumor, Jay Leno also gets custody of Conan's youngest child. He had a really bad contract."

It's kind of sad to see what's happened to NBC. You know, when I was a young man, just beginning to blossom, my breasts were starting to fill out, NBC was number one. They had 'Cosby' and 'Cheers' and great shows. Now, they're a mess. Like going on your high school reunion and the homecoming king went bald and works in a lawn mower repair shop.'

The way this whole incident has shaken out is that Conan gets to exit NBC for around $30 million without the worry of a non-compete clause. Not too shabby for being an outcast. I'll take that kind of unemployment pay any day. How about you? :) Here, on Friday's show, he trashes NBC execs for yanking his chain:

*** If you want to find out the latest news on Haiti, compiled on-going story summaries can be found at my hard news and political blog: Dennys Global Politics.

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