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Showing posts with label Dennys Funny Quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dennys Funny Quotes. Show all posts

01 December 2009

Catch Up on Funny Posts at Dennys Funny Quotes 1 Dec 2009



What'd ya say? I'm so smart? But are you sure about that?

From Denny: OK, so I've been slacking off for the holidays... :) What can I say? I've been in a "food coma"? Nice try; Thanksgiving Day was last week... My only defense would be that food comas take a long time from which to recover, uh, ok, equally lame...

This morning I've been working on Dennys Funny Quotes ever since I found out Blogger only backs up posts. Sweet. All those category lists which took hours and hours to build are basically toast so I've been creating posts of all my categories.

For a grin today take a look at what I've rounded up so far:

Funny Retirement Quotes

Funny Friendship Quotes

Funny Ironic Humor Quotes

Funny Crazy Cat Quotes

Funny Quotes About Quotations

Funny Cooking Quotes

Funny Conan OBrien Quotes

Funny Jay Leno Quotes

Funny Inspirational Quotes

*** Try not to dine too much you might end up in a funny quotes coma! Save room in your mind tummy for tomorrow's Cheeky Quote Day! :)

17 November 2009

Catch Up on This Weeks 51 Posts At Dennys Blogs 17 Nov 2009



From Denny: After a year of blogging, I turned around and suddenly realized I've been producing a lot of content. Nor am I silly enough to think you check in every day with every blog. :) So, in case you missed anything this week, here's a menu of various posts all in one place for an easy read - and bookmark - so you can read when you feel like it:

From The Social Poets:

Roundup of Sunday Funnies 16 Nov 2009

Life Advice Poem by Rudyard Kipling

This Weeks Editorial Cartoons 14 Nov 2009

Reflections of That Moment - Libations Friday! 13 Nov 2009

5 Powerful Soul Affirmations, Soul Journey Poem

Funny Money Advice - Cheeky Quote Day! 11 Nov 2009

Musicians Are Territorial Animals, Funny Post by David Thomas

Roundup of Late Night Funnies, Cartoons 9 Nov 2009

From the funny posts at Dennys Funny Quotes and Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd:


From Dennys Funny Quotes:

Funny Secret to Longevity Photo and Story

10 Funny Love Quotes, Funny Cat Photo

Funny Money Advice, Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets

Video: Weirdest American Gluttony Foods

3 Paradoxically Funny Head Scratching Quotes

Awww, 7 Funny Dog Photos to Make You Laugh

What's stupidly popular at Dennys Funny Quotes these days:

42 Monday Morning Funny Coffee Quotes, Coffee Cartoon

25 Weird Coffee Trivia to Astound and Amuse You

10 Funny Work Quotes for Monday Morning

5 Monday Morning Posts to Get You Laughing!

From Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd:

9 Funny Socially Inappropriate Store Signs - what gets lost in translation from Chinese or Japanese into English, some really tacky ones!

Ouch! Best Love Story in Three Pictures: Prez Bush and Sec Condi Rice - a bit silly.

Outrageous Video: Overview of World Censorship on the Web - serious look at how content is heavily censored and in which countries, interesting overview.

First Lady Michelle Obama on Leno Show - how the Obamas don't take themselves too seriously.

Odd News Video: Liquor Warehouse Implodes in Russia

Weird News: Man in Breathalizer Costume Arrested by Police

10 Outrageous Glenn Beck Quotes That Prove Insanity

From the food blogs, Romancing The Chocolate and Comfort Food From Louisiana:

From Romancing The Chocolate:

Savory Chocolate Recipe: Mini Hamburger Sliders with Sauce

Chocolate Trivia from Horror Director Hitchcock

Video: Cool Food Gifts for the Holidays, Southern Sweet Chocolate Coconut Pie Recipe

3 Quick Awesome Chocolate Recipes for the Holidays

Chocolate Trivia - Who Are the Biggest Chocolate Gluttons on the Planet?

Warm Chocolate Pudding Cake

From Comfort Food From Louisiana:

Video and Recipes: Holiday Challah and Ciabatta Stuffings, Vegetarian and Sausage

Cajun Joke: Boat For Sale by Beaudreaux and Thibodeaux

Video and Recipes: 3 Fabulous New Orleans Sweets

Cajun Joke: Boudreaux and Thibodeaux Fix Destroyed New Orleans Levee

Video: Unbelievable, OK, Weird, Foods and Recipes

Cajun Joke: Boudreaux and Thibodeaux Play Golf

Video and Recipes: Lobster Grits Polenta, Turkey Andouille Sausage Grits Casserole

Coca-Cola Glazed Baby Back Ribs

From Beautiful Illustrated Quotations:


Life is a Gift!

Whats Your Attitude Toward Life?

Veterans Day Quote, Links to Memorial Poems, Peace Quotes

3 Wonderful Quotes About Joy

5 Powerful Soul Affirmations, Soul Journey Poem

How Do You Know If You Have a Weak Mind?

When Something Inside You Dies, Do You Know How to Renew Your Life?

Do You Sell Your Soul For Others Admiration?

From The Healing Waters:

Video: Tim McGraw Making a Difference

Video: Halle Berry Making a Difference for Battered Women

The Perfect Work Quote to Keep Your Head Straight on Monday Mornings

Video: Awareness, and Gibran Quote

*** Thanks for visiting and come back often! :)

30 September 2009

Cheeky Quote Day! 30 September 2009



From Denny: Chefs around the globe have done a lot to educate the palates of the public these past twenty years or so. Haute cuisine caught on like wildfire for a tasty trend since the go-go 1980's in America. This year a movie was released (which I have yet to see) about America's first person to humanize upscale cuisine, Julia Child. She didn't believe in the cultural snobbery surrounding the subject of food. Nor did Julia care for the attitude of intimidating people to cook it for themselves.

Julia Child was no kitchen terrorist. One of those few decent personalities to come out of the old WW II era CIA, she promoted good food for decades. CIA personnel are known for adopting the food culture of their overseas assignments, often quite the culinary adventurers.

When you have the stress of getting shot at everyday out in the world without the benefit of any security detail - even on the job as a secretary or IT support as most are just analysts not full-fledged James Bond type spies/assassins, a person and their soft target families have to take their mind off it - cooking well is one convenient stress reliever. It often can help build good relationships with the locals which in turn eases the tensions of having an American in their community.

Julia taught us about food with grace, humor and educated herself as she educated us on television. Standing at 6' 3" she could have easily been intimidating yet chose to be jovial, ever the patient teacher well into her 90's.

Quotes

* In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport. - Julia Child

* The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

* Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. - Harriet Van Horne

* The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

* When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

* I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. - Katherine Cebrian

* There is such a buildup of crud in my oven there is only room to bake a single cupcake. - Phyllis Diller

* The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it. - Andy Rooney

* It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have been all over it. - Julia Child on nouvelle cuisine

* When compelled to cook, I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag. - Russell Baker

* Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. - Storm Jameson



*** Whoo Hoo! Kitchen fire on purpose so it tastes good! ***


* I prefer my oysters fried; That way I know my oysters died. - Roy G. Blount, Jr.

* God sends meat and the devil sends cooks. - Thomas Deloney (1543-1600)

* There is no sincerer love than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

* The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American proverb

* Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. - G. K. Chesterson (1874-1936)

* Recipe For Chili: Put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer. Let it simmer. Meanwhile, broil a good steak. Eat the steak. Let the chili simmer. Ignore it. - Allan Shivers, former governor of Texas

* I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

* Blow in its ear. - Johnny Carson on the best way to thaw out a frozen turkey

* Eating an artichoke is like getting to know someone really well. - Willi Hastings

* Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

* In Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait. - Jose Simon

* Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)



*** Cooking in Stockholm ***

* The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again. -George Miller

* My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with. - Oprah Winfrey

* Where there's smoke, there's toast. - Anonymous

* My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked. - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

* Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. -W. C. Fields (1880-1946)

* The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. - Garrison Keillor

* I don't eat snails. I prefer fast food. - Strange de Jim

* Hunger is the best sauce in the world. - Cervantes

* Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody. - Samuel Pepys



*** ... and then I decided to cook... ***

* Kissing don't last: cookery do. - George Meredith

* Fish, to taste right, must swim three times -- in water, in butter and in wine. - Polish Proverb

* Hunger finds no fault with the cooking. - Proverb

* A good meal makes a man feel more charitable toward the world than any sermon. - Arthur Pendenys

* Fervet olla, vivit amicitia: While the pot boils, friendship endures. (Meaning the man who gives good dinners has plenty of friends). - Latin Proverb

* The discovery of a new dish does more for the happiness of mankind than the discovery of a star. - Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

* A hungry stomach seldoms scorns plain food. - Horace

* Even were a cook to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Polish Proverb

* What is food to one man may be fierce poison to others. - Lucretius

* He was a bold man who first swallowed an oyster. - James I
Cheese--milk's leap towards immortality. - Clifton Fadiman



*** Chewy Korean noodles, wish they gave us the recipe... ***

* All you see, I owe to spaghetti. - Sophia Loren, actress

* Give me books, French wine, fruit, fine weather and a little music played out of doors by somebody I do not know. - John Keats

* There is no such thing as a little garlic. - Anonymous

* There is no such thing as a pretty good omelette. - French Proverb

* A smiling face is half the meal. - Latvian Proverb

* Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. - Harriet Van Horne

* When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat. - Mark Twain

* Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving. - Rosalind Russell

* Cooking Rule... If at first you don't succeed, order pizza. - Anonymous

* Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over the table. - The Anarchist Cookbook

* Hungry men think the cook lazy. - Anonymous

* Without rice, even the cleverest housewife cannot cook. - Chinese Proverb

* You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. - Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food

* No man is lonely while eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. – Robert Morley

* Mothers, food, love, and career: the four major guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

* The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain

* Vanity is the food of fools. - Anonymous

* Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him of the entire weekend. - Zenna Schaffer



*** Deep concentration in Stockholm ***

* I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick--not wounded--dead. - Woody Allen

* My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henry Youngman

* What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. - Cindy Garner

* There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. - Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly

* When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Man invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. - Elayne Boolser

* Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Anonymous

* What garlic is to food, insanity is to art. - Anonymous

* A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it. - Katharine Whitehorn

* Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal. - Anonymous

* I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, “What for?” I said, “I'm going to buy some sugar.” - Steven Wright

* Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. - Samuel Butler

* Never eat more than you can lift. - Miss Piggy of The Muppets fame

* One cannot refuse to eat just because there is a chance of being choked. - Chinese Proverb

* Governing a great nation is like cooking a small fish - too much handling will spoil it. - Lao Tzu



*** Long day at the hotel for this lampshade chef... ***


* If a pot is cooking, the friendship will stay warm. - Arab Proverb

* What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron, screenwriter and director

* I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child

* Hey baby, do you like fine cooking? Cause you know what? I got Swanson's Dinner in the freezer with your name on it. - Jimmy Fallon quotes (American Actor, b.1974)

* The average American’s simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak. - Mark Twain

* Noncooks think it's silly to invest two hours' work in two minutes' enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet. - Julia Child

* My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller (American comedienne and actress, born 1917)

* Only a fool argues with a skunk, a mule or a cook. – American cowboy saying

* He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. - Raymond Chandler


Have a great work week and keep grinning!


***

Photo Credits

Long day at the hotel for this chef…
Lampshade chef photo by Tracy Hunter @ flickr

Flaming food photo by liber @ flickr

Chicken, mozzarella cheese and balsamic vinegar photo by basykes @ flickr

Korean noodles Photo by avlxyz @ flickr

Intense concentration Photo by K.I.T. @ flickr

Cooking for two Photo by K.I.T. @ flickr

Chef Xinh with Julia Child at book signing photo by kuow949 @ flickr

26 August 2009

Cheeky Quote Day! 26 August 2009



From Denny: How about a lovin' spoonful of funny marriage quotes today? I had no idea when I started researching this category that I would find an abundance of opinion and quotes!

In fact, it seems men and women have been commenting upon their relationships for thousands of years as Chinese philosopher, and founder of Taoism, Lao Tze from 500 BC, even weighed in on marriage. The Greek philosophers Aristotle and Socrates mouthed off as well, though most eloquently. :)

Quotes

* A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together. - James H. Boren

* Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains, but you'd be surprised at how many re-enlist. – Anonymous

* In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. – Anonymous

* Keep your eyes wide open before marriage - and half-shut afterwards. – Benjamin Franklin

* Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage - which is never advisable. – Oscar Wilde

* A husband is what is left of a lover - after the nerve has been extracted. - Helen Rowland

* Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins. – Lao Tze, Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism, wrote Tao Te Ching, 600 BC – 531 BC

* A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

* If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. - actres Katharine Hepburn

* Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Irwin Corey

* A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

* Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. - Billy Connolly

* All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. - Raymond Hull

* Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. - H. L. Mencken

* I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all. - Lord Byron

* He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry - to get rid of. - Mae West, actress and vaudeville comic

* If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. - Mignon McLaughlin

* I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take out the garbage. – actress Lee Grant

* In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued. - Helen Rowland

* A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

* Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

* Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder. - Thornton Wilder

* Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose. - Beverley Nichols

* If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books. - Alan King

* Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - writer Gilbert K. Chesterton

* Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers. - Alan King


Photo by TimWilson @ flickr

Thanks for visiting, everyone! Have a great work week and keep chuckling!



relationships, men and women, Society and Culture, Cheeky Quotes Day, cheeky quotes, Funny Quotes, Dennys Funny Quotes, marriage, marriage quotes, Thorton Wilder, Lao Tze, George Bernard Shaw, Oscar Wilde, Alan King, Lord Byron, H. L. Mencken, Benjamin Franklin, and most importantly: Anonymous, without whom so many quotes would have never been published...! :)

29 July 2009

Cheeky Quote Day! 29 July 2009



From Denny: I've started developing a second quotes blog, Dennys Funny Quotes. The blog is set up with lists of quotes as opposed to how I do commentary on Beautiful Illustrated Quotations that are quotes used more as meditations.

Dennys Funny Quotes has a good start; rest assured I will be adding much more and creating new lists. This new blog is my own place to get a grin when life gets too serious - so I thought I'd share with you too. Of course, I couldn't resist the visual pun on my last name: Lyon = roaring with laughter lion logo. In my sometimes cracked mind that's just one more thing to find funny. Life is hard enough; laugh your way through it!

Here are some of the grins I'm finding these days for you to enjoy. Hey! It's Wednesday and it's Hump Day of the Work Week and we all need some giggle fuel to keep us going to TGIF. That's short for Thank God It's Friday to my readers outside America - can you tell I lived internationally and am accustomed to explaining word choices and customs to those who are not familiar? :) Whenever I travel people are kind enough to explain their culture to me and how they do things in their country so I always try to "pay it forward" and do the same for others.

Quotes

"Twitter was invented by men. A woman would have chosen a higher character limit." - Anonymous

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." - Bill Cosby

“If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.” Noel Coward

“True love is like a pair of socks: you gotta have two and they've gotta match.” - Groucho Marx

“I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.” - Groucho Marx

The title card of Groucho's successful show Yo...Image via Wikipedia



Groucho Marx's title card for his show

“When you're up to your nose in sh*t, keep your mouth shut.” - Anonymous (Trying to keep the GP rating here, folks...)

"If it weren't for women, men would still be wearing last week's socks.” - Cynthia Nelms

(Amazing how many "socks" quotes there are out there. Do people really wear socks anymore?)

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy." - Steven Wright

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” Woody Allen

"Love lasteth as long as the money endureth." - William Caxton



"The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post." - George Bernard Shaw

"Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it." - Jerome K. Jerome

"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." - Erich Segal

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'"

"'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?" - (understandable) Anonymous

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back." - Henny Youngman



Woody Allen in The Moose

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." - Mae West

"In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out." - Joey Adams

"Cosmetics is a boon to every woman, but a girl's best friend is still a nearsighted man." - Yoko Ono


"Have a great Wednesday and keep laughing; Friday is so close by you can smell the weekend perfume!" - Denny Lyon


Groucho Marx, George Bernard Shaw, the social poets, English language, Humor, Quotation, Recreation, Yoko Ono, Woody Allen, Arts, Quotations, Noël Coward, Erich Segal, Cheeky Quote Day, Dennys Funny Quotes, Denny Lyon, Quotations, Humor, Relationships, Society and Culture

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