Funny Quotes About Reading Habits - Cheeky Quote Day! 18 Nov 2009

Reading Upside Down Photo by garryknight @ flickr

From Denny: When someone like me goes hunting for quotes you just never know what odd cache you might find. Well, this time I ran across a huge amount of quotes about the subject of reading. Some are quite cheeky and many are serious thought about the concept of how reading is beneficial to humanity.

I was surprised just how much thought many writers and philosophers gave to the subject - as these kinds of quotes are rarely discussed. I'll start with the funniest ones first. Of course, by now, you have guessed that notables like author Mark Twain had a thing or two to say. He was known for a reputation of speaking as an irreverant being - and still managed to be well loved by all... :)

Quotes

Classic. A book which people praise and don't read.
~ Mark Twain ~

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read
and nobody wants to read.
~ Mark Twain ~

My books are water;
those of the great geniuses are wine -
everybody drinks water.
~ Mark Twain ~

The man who doesn't read good books
has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
~ Mark Twain ~



After school plan: get in bed, read fairy tales, two swords under pillow just in case photo by Liz Henry @ flickr

Readers may be divided into four classes:

1) Sponges, who absorb all that they read and return it in
nearly the same state, only a little dirtied.
2) Sand-glasses, who retain nothing and are content to get
through a book for the sake of getting through the time.
3) Strain-bags, who retain merely the dregs of what they read.
4) Mogul diamonds, equally rare and valuable, who profit by
what they read, and enable others to profit by it also.
~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge ~

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them;
the only books I have in my library are books
that other folks have left me.
~ Anatole France ~

I read the newspaper avidly.
It is my one form of continuous fiction.
~ Aneurin Bevan ~

Beware of the man of one book.
~ Thomas Aquinas ~

Good children's literature appeals not only to
the child in the adult, but to the adult in the child.
~ Anonymous ~

By elevating your reading, you will improve your writing
or at least tickle your thinking.
~ William Safire ~

The printing press is either the greatest blessing
or the greatest curse of modern times,
sometimes one forgets which it is.
~ Sir James M. Barrie ~

The world may be full of fourth-rate writers
but it's also full of fourth-rate readers.
~ Stan Barstow ~

Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
~ Henry Ward Beecher ~

A library is a hospital for the mind.
~ Anonymous ~

Books are the blessed chloroform of the mind.
~ Robert Chambers ~

The flood of print has turned reading into a process
of gulping rather than savoring.
~ Warren Chappell ~

Let blockheads read what blockheads wrote.
~ Lord Chesterfield ~

The great American novel has not only already been written,
it has already been rejected.
~ Frank Dane ~

Never judge a book by its movie.
~ J. W. Eagan ~

MY BOOK!
I did it!
I did it!
Come and look
At what I’ve done!
I read a book!
When someone wrote it
Long ago
For me to read,
How did he know
That this was the book
I’d take from the shelf
And lie on the floor
And read by myself?
I really read it!
Just like that!
Word by word,
From first to last!
I’m sleeping with
This book in bed,
This first FIRST book
I’ve ever read!
~ David L. Harrison ~

The libraries have become my candy store.
~ Juliana Kimball ~



Read and take off photo by library_mistress @ flickr

If you can read this, thank a teacher.
~ Anonymous Teacher ~

I've traveled the world twice over,
Met the famous; saints and sinners,
Poets and artists, kings and queens,
Old stars and hopeful beginners,
I've been where no-one's been before,
Learned secrets from writers and cooks
All with one library ticket
To the wonderful world of books.
~ Anonymous ~

I am not a speed reader. I am a speed understander.
~ Isaac Asimov ~

Read not to contradict and confute;
nor to believe and take for granted;
nor to find talk and discourse; but to weigh and consider.
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed,
and some few to be chewed and digested:
that is, some books are to be read only in parts,
others to be read, but not curiously, and some few
to be read wholly, and with diligence and attention.
~ Francis Bacon ~

Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man,
and writing an exact man.
~ Francis Bacon ~

Books are men of higher stature;
the only men that speak aloud for future times to hear.
~ E.S. Barrett ~

Books are not men and yet they stay alive.
~ Stephen Vincent Benet ~

I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.
Jorge Luis Borges

It is well to read everything of something,
and something of everything.
~ Lord Henry P. Brougham ~

I must say that I find television very educational.
The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.
~ Groucho Marx ~

Outside a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
~ Groucho Marx ~

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded
by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.
~ Fran Lebowitz ~



Reading in Cadiz, Spain photo by Kamil Porembinski @ flickr

Books to the ceiling,
Books to the sky.
My pile of books
Are a mile high.
How I love them!
How I need them!
I'll have a long beard
By the time I read them.
~ Arnold Lobel ~

A novel must be exceptionally good to live as long as the average cat.
~ Hugh Maclennan ~

There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.
~ Bertrand Russell ~

I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves.
~ Anna Quindlen ~

A library is thought in cold storage.
~ Herbert Samuel ~

Very young children eat their books, literally devouring their contents. This is one reason for the scarcity of first editions of Alice in Wonderland and other favorites of the nursery.
~ A. S. W. Rosenbach ~



Reading on the platform photo by moriza @ flickr

Books, books, books had found the secret of a garret-room piled high with cases in my father's name; piled high, packed large - where, creeping in and out among the giant fossils of my past, like some small nimble mouse between the ribs of a mastodon, I nibbled here and there at this or that box, pulling through the gap, in heats of terror, haste, victorious joy, the first book first. And how I felt it beat under my pillow, in the morning's dark. An hour before the sun would let me read! My books!
~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning ~

To read without reflecting is like eating without digesting.
~ Edmund Burke ~

The oldest books are still only just out to those who have not read them.
~ Samuel Butler ~

A novel is never anything, but a philosophy put into images.
~ Albert Camus ~

A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.
~ Chinese proverb ~

A room without books is like a body without a soul.
~ Marcus T. Cicero ~

I often feel sorry for people who don't read good books;
they are missing a chance to lead an extra life.
~ Scott Corbett ~

A truly great book should be read in youth,
again in maturity and once more in old age,
as a fine building should be seen by morning light,
at noon and by moonlight.
~ Robertson Davies ~

I heard his library burned down and both books were destroyed -
and one of them hadn't even been colored in yet.
~ John Dawkins ~



Please read instructions fully before opening photo by foxypar4 @ flickr

The reason that fiction is more interesting than any other form of literature, to those who really like to study people, is that in fiction the author can really tell the truth without humiliating himself.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt ~

To read is to empower
To empower is to write
To write is to influence
To Influence is to change
To change is to live.
~ Jane Evershed ~
More than a Tea Party

Readers are plentiful: thinkers are rare.
~ Harriet Martineau ~

What I like best is a book that's at least funny once in a while...
What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
~ J. D. Salinger ~

Books: the children of the brain.
~ Jonathan Swift ~

And from the cheekiest guy around:

The more that you read,
the more things you will know.
The more that you learn,
the more places you'll go.
~ Dr. Seuss ~

*** Awesome fun photos from the folks over a flickr. Thanks for visiting and come back often! Have a great work week! :)

Cheeky Quote Day! 30 September 2009

From Denny: Chefs around the globe have done a lot to educate the palates of the public these past twenty years or so. Haute cuisine caught on like wildfire for a tasty trend since the go-go 1980's in America. This year a movie was released (which I have yet to see) about America's first person to humanize upscale cuisine, Julia Child. She didn't believe in the cultural snobbery surrounding the subject of food. Nor did Julia care for the attitude of intimidating people to cook it for themselves.

Julia Child was no kitchen terrorist. One of those few decent personalities to come out of the old WW II era CIA, she promoted good food for decades. CIA personnel are known for adopting the food culture of their overseas assignments, often quite the culinary adventurers.

When you have the stress of getting shot at everyday out in the world without the benefit of any security detail - even on the job as a secretary or IT support as most are just analysts not full-fledged James Bond type spies/assassins, a person and their soft target families have to take their mind off it - cooking well is one convenient stress reliever. It often can help build good relationships with the locals which in turn eases the tensions of having an American in their community.

Julia taught us about food with grace, humor and educated herself as she educated us on television. Standing at 6' 3" she could have easily been intimidating yet chose to be jovial, ever the patient teacher well into her 90's.

Quotes

* In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport. - Julia Child

* The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

* Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. - Harriet Van Horne

* The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

* When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

* I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. - Katherine Cebrian

* There is such a buildup of crud in my oven there is only room to bake a single cupcake. - Phyllis Diller

* The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it. - Andy Rooney

* It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have been all over it. - Julia Child on nouvelle cuisine

* When compelled to cook, I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag. - Russell Baker

* Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. - Storm Jameson



*** Whoo Hoo! Kitchen fire on purpose so it tastes good! ***


* I prefer my oysters fried; That way I know my oysters died. - Roy G. Blount, Jr.

* God sends meat and the devil sends cooks. - Thomas Deloney (1543-1600)

* There is no sincerer love than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

* The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American proverb

* Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. - G. K. Chesterson (1874-1936)

* Recipe For Chili: Put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer. Let it simmer. Meanwhile, broil a good steak. Eat the steak. Let the chili simmer. Ignore it. - Allan Shivers, former governor of Texas

* I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

* Blow in its ear. - Johnny Carson on the best way to thaw out a frozen turkey

* Eating an artichoke is like getting to know someone really well. - Willi Hastings

* Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

* In Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait. - Jose Simon

* Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)



*** Cooking in Stockholm ***

* The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again. -George Miller

* My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with. - Oprah Winfrey

* Where there's smoke, there's toast. - Anonymous

* My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked. - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

* Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. -W. C. Fields (1880-1946)

* The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. - Garrison Keillor

* I don't eat snails. I prefer fast food. - Strange de Jim

* Hunger is the best sauce in the world. - Cervantes

* Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody. - Samuel Pepys



*** ... and then I decided to cook... ***

* Kissing don't last: cookery do. - George Meredith

* Fish, to taste right, must swim three times -- in water, in butter and in wine. - Polish Proverb

* Hunger finds no fault with the cooking. - Proverb

* A good meal makes a man feel more charitable toward the world than any sermon. - Arthur Pendenys

* Fervet olla, vivit amicitia: While the pot boils, friendship endures. (Meaning the man who gives good dinners has plenty of friends). - Latin Proverb

* The discovery of a new dish does more for the happiness of mankind than the discovery of a star. - Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

* A hungry stomach seldoms scorns plain food. - Horace

* Even were a cook to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Polish Proverb

* What is food to one man may be fierce poison to others. - Lucretius

* He was a bold man who first swallowed an oyster. - James I
Cheese--milk's leap towards immortality. - Clifton Fadiman



*** Chewy Korean noodles, wish they gave us the recipe... ***

* All you see, I owe to spaghetti. - Sophia Loren, actress

* Give me books, French wine, fruit, fine weather and a little music played out of doors by somebody I do not know. - John Keats

* There is no such thing as a little garlic. - Anonymous

* There is no such thing as a pretty good omelette. - French Proverb

* A smiling face is half the meal. - Latvian Proverb

* Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. - Harriet Van Horne

* When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat. - Mark Twain

* Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving. - Rosalind Russell

* Cooking Rule... If at first you don't succeed, order pizza. - Anonymous

* Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over the table. - The Anarchist Cookbook

* Hungry men think the cook lazy. - Anonymous

* Without rice, even the cleverest housewife cannot cook. - Chinese Proverb

* You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. - Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food

* No man is lonely while eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. – Robert Morley

* Mothers, food, love, and career: the four major guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

* The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain

* Vanity is the food of fools. - Anonymous

* Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him of the entire weekend. - Zenna Schaffer



*** Deep concentration in Stockholm ***

* I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick--not wounded--dead. - Woody Allen

* My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henry Youngman

* What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. - Cindy Garner

* There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. - Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly

* When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Man invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. - Elayne Boolser

* Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Anonymous

* What garlic is to food, insanity is to art. - Anonymous

* A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it. - Katharine Whitehorn

* Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal. - Anonymous

* I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, “What for?” I said, “I'm going to buy some sugar.” - Steven Wright

* Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. - Samuel Butler

* Never eat more than you can lift. - Miss Piggy of The Muppets fame

* One cannot refuse to eat just because there is a chance of being choked. - Chinese Proverb

* Governing a great nation is like cooking a small fish - too much handling will spoil it. - Lao Tzu



*** Long day at the hotel for this lampshade chef... ***


* If a pot is cooking, the friendship will stay warm. - Arab Proverb

* What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron, screenwriter and director

* I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child

* Hey baby, do you like fine cooking? Cause you know what? I got Swanson's Dinner in the freezer with your name on it. - Jimmy Fallon quotes (American Actor, b.1974)

* The average American’s simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak. - Mark Twain

* Noncooks think it's silly to invest two hours' work in two minutes' enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet. - Julia Child

* My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller (American comedienne and actress, born 1917)

* Only a fool argues with a skunk, a mule or a cook. – American cowboy saying

* He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. - Raymond Chandler


Have a great work week and keep grinning!


***

Photo Credits

Long day at the hotel for this chef…
Lampshade chef photo by Tracy Hunter @ flickr

Flaming food photo by liber @ flickr

Chicken, mozzarella cheese and balsamic vinegar photo by basykes @ flickr

Korean noodles Photo by avlxyz @ flickr

Intense concentration Photo by K.I.T. @ flickr

Cooking for two Photo by K.I.T. @ flickr

Chef Xinh with Julia Child at book signing photo by kuow949 @ flickr

5 Funny Quotes That Spit on Death

From Denny: Death is a subject few people in America want to deal with and yet it happens to us all - well, almost all, maybe some of us are part of the Highlander's Immortal Clan. Time will tell on that one! :)

Death is like this celebrity no one wants to meet. (Hmmm... sounds like one of those quotable quotes your own spirit speaks out loud when you just know something is really true...)

This past week the news coverage has been heavy on the passing of a political American icon, Senator Ted Kennedy. He was fully prepared for death as he had his faith and relationship with God. People who are spiritually connected do well when their time comes.

People who are more connected only to religion and only on the mental, not heart, level don't do well. The heart really is the center of our spirits. Yet, it's amazing how easily we can hide the truth from ourselves - until a significant event like the passing of a celebrity or a beloved family member opens the door to our heart to take some inventory.

This has been a rough week of spiritual shake-up and awakening for millions of people in America. People are examining their own lives as to their current path and how they would like to alter their course to something far more positive. Observing Ted Kennedy's life in review from the shameful to the triumphant gives us all pause to say, "What's next?"

I thought folks might like a little emotional cool down from all the intensity this past week. Included today are some funny witty quotes about how others perceived Death, that unwelcome odious guy no one wants to invite to their house. To me, there is nothing better than putting your face into the wind and pushing forward into the scary unknown, only to discover incredible new wonders and be delightfully amazed at newly found spiritual awareness. It also helps to laugh a lot along the way.

Quotes

* Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it. - W. Somerset Maugham, British playwright, 1874 - 1965

* Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - Susan Ertz, short story writer and novelist, 1894 - 1985

* I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain, writer and American humorist, 1835 - 1910

* I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow, American lawyer, 1857 - 1938

* Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them. - Edward W. Howe, American writer

Cheeky Quote Day! 19 August 2009

From Denny: This was a fun category I discovered recently - genius quotes. Since I grew up in the intelligence community where they chased after geniuses, even tried to breed them, this has long been an area of interest for me. I even used to throw all my IQ tests just so my father's "blessed" colleagues would never know my level of ability.

They had already nailed my mother and older brother and the last thing I wanted to be labeled was as a genius. In my experience all it meant was you had to memorize useless trivia to prove how smart you were and act like a performing seal at a marina for your handlers. That translated as a lack of freedom to live your life as you chose.

Humor has always been my choice of how to best react to life, especially when other people who don't quite "get it" try to harass, bully or stress you. More than anything I found it amusing how people who are not defined as geniuses have decided they know how to define genius. Now does that practice make any sense to you? It sure didn't to me when I was growing up in the weird atmosphere.

It would have been pure heaven to have some of these cheeky quotes to whip out and use from time to time when my father's crowd got pushy about trying to control someone else's intelligence, like you were a willing robot to be used as they willed. Too bizarre. Some of these quotes are by people labeled as geniuses and they have a wonderful sense of the ironic and good humor!

Quotes

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. - Mark Twain

Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

I think the world is run by C students. - Al McGuire

Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one. - E.B. White

In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Self Reliance," Essays, 1841

Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius. - George Bernard Shaw

If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If the Aborigine drafted an I.Q. test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. - Stanley Garn

The reluctance to put away childish things may be a requirement of genius. - Rebecca Pepper Sinkler

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein

Character is higher than intellect. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. - Albert Einstein

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. - Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"

Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun. - George Scialabra

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

The invention of IQ does a great disservice to creativity in education. - Joel Hildebrand

If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn't. - Emerson M. Pugh

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton, singer and actress


Clown Photo by I'm Fantastic! @ flickr

Cheeky Quote Day! 12 August 2009

Photo by Tansan @ flickr

From Denny: For today's funny and ironic quotes it seems I hit the Mother Lode! In my research I ran across an additional category of Back to School quotes that was most amusing to add to the original idea of the Education category. Parents and kids are going back to school this week in Louisiana, very early in order to make room for any lost days due to hurricanes or if there is a flu outbreak. With some of those frazzled nerves out there from all the pressure of working AND getting kids back to school a few grins were in order...



If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. - Erma Bombeck

Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken. - Bill Dodds

You send your child to the schoolmaster, but 'tis the schoolboys who educate him. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently. - Friedrich Nietzsche

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. - Anonymous

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. - Lily Tomlin as "Edith Ann"

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. - Anonymous

There are three good reasons to be a teacher - June, July, and August. - Anonymous

What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child. - George Bernard Shaw

A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep. - W.H. Auden

A cross-eyed teacher can keep twice the number of children in order than any other, because the pupils do not know who she's looking at. - Four Hundred Laughs: Or, Fun Without Vulgarity, compiled and edited by John R. Kemble, 1902

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. - Robert Gallagher

The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn - and change. - Carl Rogers

My education was only interrupted by my schooling. – Winston Churchill

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain

It doesn't make much difference what you study, as long as you don't like it. - Finley Peter Dunne

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. - Albert Einstein

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. - Attributed to both Andy McIntyre and Derek Bok



It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. – Albert Einstein

Education aims to give you a boost up the ladder of knowledge. Too often, it just gives you a cramp on one of its rungs. - Martin H. Fischer

Education would be much more effective if its purpose was to ensure that by the time they leave school every boy and girl should know how much they do not know, and be imbued with a lifelong desire to know it. - William Haley

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist," 1890

When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course. - Peter Drucker

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know. - Daniel J. Boorstin, Democracy and Its Discontents

The founding fathers... provided jails called schools, equipped with tortures called education. School is where you go between when your parents can't take you and industry can't take you. ~ John Updike, The Centaur, 1963



You learn something every day if you pay attention. - Ray LeBlond

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught. - Winston Churchill

Education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes, we need gigantic revolutionary changes. Schools should be palaces. Competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be getting six-figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge for its citizens, just like national defense. That is my position. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet. - Aaron Sorkin, The West Wing

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. - William James, Principles of Psychology

Intelligence appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along without education. Education enables a man to get along without the use of his intelligence. - Albert Edward Wiggam

Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily. - Thomas Szasz

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. - Alvin Toffler

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. - Epictetus

If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job. - Donald D. Quinn

If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found time to conquer the world. - Heinrich Heine

The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. - Mark Twain

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theatre. – Gail Goodwin



I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education. - Tallulah Bankhead

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. - Evan Esar, American humorist, 1899-1995

No matter how long you teach a fool, he still knows everything. - Leonid S. Sukhorukov, All About Everything (2005)

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. - Mark Twain

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. - Doug Larson

You can get all A's and still flunk life. - Walker Percy

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated. - Al McGuire

The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living. - Will Rogers

Did you know America ranks the lowest in education but the highest in drug use? It's nice to be number one, but we can fix that. All we need to do is start the war on education. If it's anywhere near as successful as our war on drugs, in no time we'll all be hooked on phonics. - Leighann Lord

College is about three things: homework fun and sleep ... but you can only choose two. - Andy Stern


Thanks for visiting!



Society and Culture, United States, Kids and Teens, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Oscar Wilde, Winston Churchill, George Bernard Shaw, Mark Twain, Education, Lily Tomlin

Cheeky Quote Day! 8 July 2009

From Denny: I had a good time combing through various databases finding these funny quotes, enjoy! "The things people will say!" :)

"I can see clearly now, the brain has gone." - Anonymous

"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright

"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law." - Hubert Humphrey

"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand." - Benny Hill

"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted." - George Best



"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." - Mark Twain

"A friend is someone who's there when he needs you." - Anonymous

"I like nonsense - it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope... and that enables you to laugh at all of life's realities." - Dr. Seuss

"Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours."- Milton Berle



From Denny: I ran this over at my humor blog, Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd, yesterday. In case you missed it here it is in its entirety.

Cancel Your Credit Cards BEFORE You Die

As if you will have advance warning as to when you will die. Have you seen this funny email about how stupid credit card companies are these days? Whether it's a true account or not - we all have had conversations with our credit card companies that border on this lunacy! :) Maybe I should come up with an award for this. Any suggestions of what to title that award? :)

Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr (Bozo Sapiens rather fits this incredible story...)

***

Now some people are really stupid!!!!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards, before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died in January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to the fraud division, or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

(so if you have a $0 balance how can they charge late fees & charges?)

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax:

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you can just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help....'

Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 68.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'

(Priceless!!)

And you wondered why Citi Corp is going broke and needs the feds to bail them out!!

And for those who enjoy music impressions check out this video, another kind of cheeky quotes!



*****

Citibank Citi Corp credit card companies bailout death fees God humor funny bizarre weird news odd outrageous obnoxious credit cards customer service banking services business financial services God humor funny Hubert Humphrey Ralph Waldo Emerson Milton Berle Mark Twain Benny Hill Steven Wright George Best Matt Jernigan Anjelah Johnson

Cheeky Quote Day! 1 July 2009

Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr

From Denny: Summer heat has set in and July has arrived!

Thinking of the bizarre turn of events lately: Obama disinvited the Iranians from our Independence Day festivities on the Fourth. The Canadians followed suit. The Iranian regime has been exhibiting "bad form" lately with promoting a dictatorship, imprisoning and torturing their election protestors. Hmmm... I doubt they wanted to come anyway as they don't believe in independence, democracy or free speech. Guess we will have to catch them next year for the invite. Can the news get any stranger?

Well, while we agonize over the serious problems of the Iranian people we still need to laugh to keep our sanity and balance, so the Cheeky Quote Day goes on. These folks do have a way with words!

David Letterman

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."

Charlotte Whitton

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

Groucho Marx

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."

Diana Jordan

"Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.”

Groucho Marx

"Women should be obscene and not heard."

Mark Twain

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."

Peter O'Toole

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.”

Matt Lauer (on NBC's Today Show)

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are."

Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous.

Jean Kerr

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want - an adorable pancreas?

Steven Wright

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Partick Moore

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual.

Ellen DeGeneres

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

Elayne Boosler

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Frank Zappa

"Most rock journalism is people who can't write - interviewing people who can't talk - for people who can't read."

Herb Caen

"Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything."

Cheeky Quote Day! 17 June 2009

Photo in Paris by Dragunsk @ flickr

From Denny: Have you been to the Quote Garden site that’s been around for over a decade on the web? There is so much going on over there! Here are some of their funny quotes about language usage:

The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells." ~ Author Unknown



Photo by PinkMoose @ flickr

English is a funny language; that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway. ~ Author Unknown

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. ~ Henry Brooks Adams, The Education of Henry Adams, 1907

Language forces us to perceive the world as man presents it to us. ~ Julia Penelope

Thanks to words, we have been able to rise above the brutes; and thanks to words, we have often sunk to the level of the demons. ~ Aldous Huxley

The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand. ~ Lewis Thomas

Language is the most imperfect and expensive means yet discovered for communicating thought. ~ William James



Photo by eye2eye @ flickr

One man's frankness is another man's vulgarity. ~ Kevin Smith

I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. ~ Jane Wagner

Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. ~ Quentin Crisp

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. ~ Marshall Lumsden



Photo by respres @ flickr

Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work. ~ Carl Sandburg, New York Times, 13 February 1959

In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer. ~ Mark Twain

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. ~ Franklin P. Jones



Photo by ibanda @ flickr

Man is a creature who lives not upon bread alone, but primarily by catchwords. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

A good catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years. ~ Wendell L. Willkie

Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions. ~ Edward R. Murrow

I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy. ~ Bern Williams

Language is the dress of thought. ~ Samuel Johnson

If you can speak three languages you're trilingual. If you can speak two languages you're bilingual. If you can speak only one language you're an American. ~ Author Unknown

Do you have any favorites? Let me know what you think! Quotes are always a great launching point for a post...