From Denny: Seems like Jay Leno was on a roll this week as he had the most funny quips. Jon Stewart felt free to lampoon the outrageous latest claims from the demented corner of the Republicans. It really is amazing how these folks specialize in insanity and think it's perfectly fine. While it's understandable that because the ones screaming for the cameras are getting paid for claiming outrageous things, what's more weird is that there are actually others who believe their con game as a substitute for Truth: hook, line and sinker!
Health care reform and Joe Lieberman - LieberBush as a cousin living in Connecticut nicknames him because he is so disgusted how he has sold out the people of his state (remember most of Connecticut employers are primarily the insurance industry so who do you think Liberman listens to?) - and Tiger Woods certainly did not escape the notice of late night comedians and the editorial cartoonists. Enjoy the cartoons, late night show quips weekly collection and the funny videos to get your work week or holiday vacation started off right!
From Jimmy Kimmel:
Santa Claus, as you know, has a plan to fly around the world to deliver toys to all the good little boys and girls. Unfortunately, it's being blocked right now by Joe Lieberman.
Clearly, Lieberman has gone from having Joe-mentum to having Joe-mentia." -Stephen Colbert, on Joe Lieberman contradicting his earlier positions on health care reform.
Hey, this is interesting. After somebody threw a tomato at Sarah Palin during a book signing at the Mall of America, she went to another signing at a Costco in Utah, where they took all the tomatoes off the shelves. So instead she got hit by a three pound bag of frozen spinach ravioli.
Governor Schwarzenegger is in a bit of a feud with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin right now. They're fighting about global warming. Palin says it isn't proven. Schwarzenegger said she's 'living in the Stone Age.' And Palin really should know not to mess with Arnold Schwarzenegger. This guy has been systematically terminating women named Sarah for many years now.
It's hard to believe there's only two weeks left in 2009. President Obama is already said to be hard at work on his New Year's resolutions. His plan for 2010 is to do all the things he said he was going to do this year.
"Santa Claus, as you know, has a plan to fly around the world to deliver toys to all the good little boys and girls. Unfortunately, it's being blocked right now by Joe Lieberman.
From Jimmy Fallon:
Hey, last night I watched Oprah's White House Christmas special. President Obama told Oprah he deserves a 'solid B-plus' for his first year in office. That's a big improvement from our last president, who for the last eight years received a 'WTF.'
You guys, listen to this. It turns out the Secret Service accidentally let another random couple into a private reception with Obama, which means at this point the White House is slightly less exclusive than the Burger King Kids Club.
There are a lot of holiday parties coming up at the White House. President Obama is getting ready to host the administration's first Hanukkah party tomorrow. Kind of an embarrassing moment though, right after they lit the menorah, Biden blew it out and made a wish.
According to a New York Times/CBS News poll, 26 percent of unemployed adults blame George W. Bush for the high unemployment rate. The other 74 percent blame the fact that they majored in English literature.
I don't know what to make out of this. NASA is in the process of trying to convert human waste into fuel. Man, talk about pressure to go on command, right? 'Come on, Barry, just pee. We got to get back to Earth, man.' 'I can't do it. Everyone is staring at me, man. Stop looking at me.'
And the real reason Democrats never want the Republicans or Fox News to ever disappear - too much fun to lampoon their outrageous claims! :)
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Obama's Socialist Christmas Ornament Program | ||||
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From David Letterman:
You know the former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin? She is now saying that global warming is a conspiracy. Doesn't believe it is true, even though she can see the polar ice cap melting from her house. Maybe she really doesn't read all the newspapers.
Good news, ladies and gentlemen. Retail sales this year are up. That is fantastic news for the economy of China.
I was walking around today on my lunch hour, and I noticed that there are fewer sidewalk Santas this year. And then I remembered that President Obama sent the Salvation Army to Afghanistan. So that's what happened.
Well, here's good news, I think. The Democrats down in Washington believe they have 60 votes to pass a health care bill. That's 58 Democrats and the Salahis. They're going to go in there and vote.
But they don't think that the health care bill will get passed before Christmas, unless they switch to the Mayan calendar.
Anybody going over to Denmark for the world global climate conference thing in Copenhagen? Yeah, I know. I'm going too. Here's the idea. It's got to be every country on the planet working together. And the United States is doing its part. And today, as a matter of fact, Barack Obama was talking to the Netherlands. He said, 'Here's the deal. You send us a windmill and we'll send you Joe Lieberman.'
The Demented now claiming that health care reform is persecuting their rights and is another Holocaust. As usual they are over-reaching and Jon Stewart chews them up in their contorted form and spits them out straightened out:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Highway to Health - Last Tea Party Protest of the Year | ||||
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From Conan O'Brien:
President Obama says that Congress is very close to getting a new health care plan, but due to compromises, it 'won't include everything that everybody wants.' For instance, it covers everything except trips to the doctor or the hospital.
From Jay Leno:
The Golden Globe nominations came out yesterday. President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican. So, congratulations.
This is pretty amazing. Computer technicians have found 22 million missing White House e-mails from the Bush administration. In a related story, the White House gardeners were digging in the backyard yesterday; they found three former Dick Cheney hunting buddies buried right there.
They found 22 million missing White House e-mails. You hear President Bush's excuse? He said he never bothered to ever send any of them because he couldn't find a stamp
Well, according to MSNBC, President Obama's approval rating has now dipped below 50 percent. To tell you how bad it is, people are now finding ways to sneak out of the White House.
It's interesting. During his speech, President Obama spoke about the difficulty of accepting a Peace Prize while we're fighting two different wars. And President Bush got really upset. He said, 'Hey, I'm the one who started both those wars, I should have won the prize.
Hey, did you hear about those five American Muslims who went to Pakistan and tried to join up and become terrorists with al Qaeda? Well, they got rejected. Al Qaeda rejected them -- this is true -- because they lacked the proper credentials and references. Isn't that unbelievable? Do you realize it's harder to get into al Qaeda than it is to get into the White House? That is wrong. Ridiculous!
The Obama Administration announced today that the Shinnecock Indians on Long Island will be federally recognized, which means they can now build a casino in New York City. The White House recognized them as an official tribe after meeting with the four tribal leaders, Fat Tony, Louie the Barber, Crazy Sal, and Momo Ricardo. The Gambino tribe, indigenous people to the area.
The other night they had that Christmas in Washington holiday special. And you know, people in Washington, right away the bickering started. Lou Dobbs accused Santa of using illegal immigrant labor. Rush Limbaugh said the gifts were part of some kind of socialist give away program. The AFL-CIO claims that Santa underpays his elves, and of course, since it's Washington, you're not going to find three wise men and a virgin. So the whole thing was pretty much a disaster.
History was made this week. This weekend Houston became the city to ever elect an openly lesbian mayor. That's not the part that made history. The part that made history, finally a woman in the news not accused of sleeping with Tiger Woods.
And listen to this. After one single senator, just one senator — Joe Lieberman of Connecticut — was able to block passage of the Medicare buy-in provision of that health care bill, some people are calling for the Senate to begin experimenting with a whole new way of doing business. Yeah, it's called majority rules. They're thinking of trying it to see how it works.
*** THANKS for visiting and have a great and fun filled holiday! For more laughs, check out Dennys Funny Quotes, Video: Santa Rocks India! and Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd to keep the grins coming!
