23 December 2009

Cheeky Quote Day! 23 Dec 2009

From Denny: There sure is a lot of irreverent Santa Claus material floating around on the web, whew! You will enjoy these funnies! I've already done all the funniest Christmas quotes this month so today we have fun videos, funny photos, a couple of cute quips, a proper funny poem by Ogden Nash and cartoons to make you smile.

Santa Claus Conundrum

The 3 stages of man:

1) He believes in Santa Claus.
2) He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
3) He is Santa Claus.

Cute riddle:

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite

Santa in the New York News:

Santa Gets a Parking Ticket – true story

Santa Claus received a parking ticket in Brooklyn, New York.

Word has reached Will and Guy that a parking official has penalized Santa Claus for a parking offence while delivering his presents to needy children. Santa Claus, aka Chip Cafiero, a retired schoolteacher, received the $115 ticket while in Brooklyn. Apparently he shouted to the official, 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' but he was completely ignored.

Santa claims that his horse-drawn carriage and an SUV truck carrying the toys were not truly causing an obstruction to traffic or parking. We are not able to raise a comment from the police but a local politician has said the parking ticket is 'ridiculous.'

On hearing the news that that the District Attorney goes by the name of Mary Christmas, Guy has taken the odds of 6:4 that Santa beats the rap.

The Big Three phrases that best sum up the Christmas season:

Peace on Earth.
Goodwill to Men.
Oh… And Batteries not included!

Working man's Advent Calendar:

A Christmas poem:

The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus

by Ogden Nash

In Baltimore there lived a boy,
He wasn't anybody's joy.
Although his name was Jabez Dawes,
His character was full of flaws.
In school he never led his classes,
He hid old ladies' reading glasses,
His mouth was open when he chewed,
And elbows to the table glued.

He stole the milk of hungry kittens,
And walked through doors marked ' No Admittance' .
He said he acted thus because
There wasn't any Santa Claus.
Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying ' Boo!' at little babies.
He brushed his teeth, they said in town,
Sideways instead of up and down.

Yet people pardoned every sin,
And viewed his antics with a grin,
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes, 'There isn't any Santa Claus!' Deploring how he did behave,
His parents swiftly sought their grave.
They hurried through the portals pearly,
And Jabez left the funeral early.

Like whooping cough, from child to child,
He sped to spread the rumor wild: 'Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes
There isn't any Santa Claus!' Slunk like a weasel or a marten
Through nursery and kindergarten,
Whispering low to every tot, 'There isn't any, no there's not!'

The children wept all Christmas Eve
And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.
No infant dared to hang up his stocking
For fear of Jabez' ribald mocking.
He sprawled on his untidy bed,
Fresh malice dancing in his head,
When presently with scalp a-tingling,
Jabez heard a distant jingling;
He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof
Crisply alighting on the roof.

What good to rise and bar the door?
A shower of soot was on the floor.
What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?
The fireplace full of Santa Claus!
Then Jabez fell upon his knees
With cries of ' Don't , 'and ' Pretty please.' He howled, 'I don't know where you read it,
But anyhow, I never said it!'

'Jabez, 'replied the angry saint, 'It isn't I, it's you that ain't .
Although there is a Santa Claus,
There isn't any Jabez Dawes!' Said Jabez with impudent vim, 'Oh, yes there is; and I am him!
Your magic don't scare me, it doesn't ' And suddenly he found he wasn't !

From grimy feet to grimy locks,
Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,
An ugly toy with springs unsprung,
Forever sticking out his tongue.
The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;
They searched for him, but not with zeal.
No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,
Which led to thunderous applause,
And people drank a loving cup
And went and hung their stockings up.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who mocked the saint.
Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint.

Alternative Ending to Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

...... After
And went and hung their stockings up.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus, beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who told the saint off; the child who got him, licked his paint off.

Santas in training for the Big Day:

Where is Tiger Woods when Santa needs him to explain the "Ho" issue...

Funny Karate Santa harassing shoppers on the street:

Karate Santa Very Funny - Awesome video clips here

Santa rocks from India singing fast-paced funny Jingle Bells - these guys must have been the world's first rockers! :)

*** THANKS for visiting and have a great holiday - stuff yourself silly, chill out, relax and make sure to laugh a lot!
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