28 April 2010

Funny Mothers Day Quotes and Trivia - Cheeky Quote Day 28 Apr 2010

From Denny: So you want to find something interesting about Mothers Day this year? Have I got some trivia for you! I went researching and found all kinds of crazy facts that are absolutely useless but guaranteed to make you the toast of the party when you start spouting off and sounding intelligent to your fellow guests.

Of course, if it's a Mothers Day celebration they just might kick you out... such is the price of being a "know it all." Awww, they are just jealous you know so much trivia! :)

Seriously though, I did find some unusual traditions for celebrating the holiday and thought you might enjoy a chuckle today as I rewrote the dry facts into humorous prose. Raising a toast to all the mothers around the world: Enjoy your Mothers Day!

Check this out on the way to facts about Mothers Day:

So when do they think the first celebrations of a Mother's Day were honored? As with so many traditions it goes back to ancient Greece where that culture celebrated the Mother of the Gods, Rhea. Their version of the perfect mother received gifts of cakes made with the sweetest honey, lovely flowers and drinks at dawn. Sounds pretty good to me. Make my drink a Margarita on the rocks with Silver Patron Tequila - though I'm not so sure alcoholic drinks were on that Mother's Day menu. :)

Well, we all know you can't talk "ancient" without bringing up the ancient Egyptians into the conversation. They honored the glorious goddess Isis because she was celebrated as the Mother of the Pharaohs - and we all know it's good PR to talk good about the government when getting your head cut off is at stake.

Speaking of an ancient culture, the Chinese are rather sentimental about how they celebrate motherhood. The tradition with them is that their family name often begins with the character for the word "mother." It's the way they like to honor their ancestral mothers who brought their line into this world.

So what's happening in the Celtic and Norman part of the world? In the United Kingdom and Ireland they honor mothers with the holiday of Mothering Sunday. They don't celebrate in May like in America. They honor their mothers on the fourth Sunday of Lent, about three weeks before Easter Sunday.

Talk about ancient, how about that woman who is supposed to have mothered the entire human race as stated in the Bible? Yes, Eve. She is world renown in many cultures and titled as Mother of All The Living. Now that's a supreme title, folks!

In the beginning of the tradition to honor women on Mothers Day the day was spent in quiet prayer, contemplation and fond remembrance. But, you know how it is, Big Business just had to get into the act to make a buck - and commercialization of a heart felt holiday was born. So, here we are, now saddled with sappy Hallmark cards, online florists, impersonal restaurant gift cards and cheap gifts made with lead poisoning from China. Oh, well, it's the thought that counts, right?

Here's a cool coincidence: in most languages the word for "mother" almost always begins with an "m." It just goes to show that women really do rule the world. :)

What Buddha had to say about mothers was interesting: "As a mother - even at the risk of her own life - loves and protects her child - so let a man cultivate love without measure: toward the whole world." I read that as "Listen, mister, your mom took really good care of you and you had better appreciate it by showing respect toward others!"

What does the 1997 Guinness Book of Records have in their weirdness archives about mothers? They credit the Russian wife of Fedor Vassilyev as having the most children, 69 to be exact. (By not being named I guess she wanted to remain anonymous.) She had 16 pairs of twins (oh, thank God), seven sets of triplets (another Hallelujah) and an additional four sets of quadruplets (color this one into the Amen corner and collapse). Truly this woman was a woman of fortitude! My first question is: So, how many nannies did you hire? This woman definitely earned her way into Heaven so fast she slid into Heaven Home Base like a pro athlete.

Who has the title of the youngest mother ever recorded? That dubious honor goes to a five year old seven month girl (almost a whopping six year old) who gave birth to a baby boy who weighed in at 6 1/2 pounds. She was from Lima, Peru and the year was 1939. Either someone is joking with us or this little girl had an abnormal growth hormone issue that caused this motherhood before her time. And just how do you explain to your kid when he's older that you really are his mother when you are young enough to be his sister or wife? High creep factor on this one.

Another weirdness factor was a woman prophet known as Mother Shipton (though there is some controversy that she might be fictional or was a female alter ego of a writer). Anyway, moving the story line right along, she lived in Britain over 500 years ago and predicted another Queen Elizabeth would sit on England's throne. Well, let me do the same and predict another Queen Elizabeth will sit on the English throne. Come on, folks, these days the name "Elizabeth" is incredibly popular and common in usage. It's bound to happen again. Just remember you heard it here first! Poets are prophets too... :)

A floral tradition for Mothers Day is the choice of sweet smelling carnations - just not those weird Kool-Aid colors the grocery stores put out because they dyed them by spiking their drinking water. I'm talking about the authentic carnations that come in white or red. You wear white carnations to remember a deceased mother and you wear or give red carnations to the mothers who are living. Now don't be cheeky and insult your mom by mixing up the traditions.

Speaking of cheeky, there is a strange custom in Yugoslavia. Mothers Day there is known as Materitse or Materice - pick your favorite spelling. This is when kids get their revenge on mom. The kids tie up mom until she relents and promises to give them sugary foods and gifts - until then she is held captive. Moral of that story: if you are a strict mother who doesn't let your kids have sweets, well, don't move to Yugoslavia.

Now for some of those famous anonymous funnies...

My Mother Taught Me...

To Value A Job Well Done: If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.

Time Travel: If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!

Logic: Because I said so, that's why.

Foresight: Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.

Irony: Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about.

Osmosis: Shut your mouth and eat your supper.

Stamina: You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.

Weather: This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.

Hypocrisy: If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!

Circle Of Life: I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.

Behavior Modification: Stop acting like your father!

Envy: There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.

Anticipation: Just wait until we get home.

Receiving: You are going to get it when you get home!

Medical Science: If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.

How To Become An Adult: If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

Genetics: You're just like your father.

Wisdom: When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

Justice: One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

You Know You Are Really A Mom When...

* You count the number of sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they are equal.

* You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made them cry.

* You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

* You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

* Your child throws up and you catch it. (Or worse, another mother in the grocery store yells, "Good catch!" in an admiring tone)

* Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating. (There are some things you just have to steel yourself against - that you are starving because the kids keep you running all the time and this is your only chance to wolf down some food)

* You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.

* You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching.

* Your child insists that you read "Once upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office and you do it.

* You hire a baby sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then you spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.

* You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.

* You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.

* You fast-forward through the scene in the movie when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.

* You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then you obsess when he skips in without looking back.

* You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.

* You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes."

* You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

* You read that the average-five-year old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is "above average."

*** ALSO more Mothers Day humor that is not to be missed:

Funny Mothers Day Jokes and Cartoon: Parent Poetry

Obnoxious Silly Mother in Law Jokes Just in Time 4 Mothers Day

Very Funny Mothers Day Quotes

Cartoonists Latest Funnies 4 Mothers Day

Mothers Day Quote: The Funny Stages of Motherhood

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