17 March 2010

Funny Sarcastic Sayings for St. Patricks Day - Cheeky Quote Day 17 Mar 2010

From Denny: Do you remember when you turned thirteen years old and suddenly your whole world opened up when you discovered the art of sarcasm? You were well on your way to annoying your parents who envisioned dreams of throwing a party when you grow up and move away - forever. You wore out your siblings and your friends to the point of exhaustion.

But look at it this way; you did a bang up job of establishing your individualistic identity. You were no longer just a nameless blob in the pedestrian suburban family. You were special because you had mastered the art of the one liner put down. Of course, your parents rolled their eyes behind your back and sometimes snickered as you explored witty verbal abuse to mark your territory in society like a bouncy Jack Russel Terrier dog on speed.

So, what does a precocious annoying thirteen year old do when they grow up? Looks like a band of them decided to start up their very own Sarcasm Society. I wonder if they "peaked in high school" on the social register? It is a cheeky romping fun little site, sometimes biting edge, sometimes lame, sometimes quite clever. Included is their post about the shamrock.

Can I tell you that there are entire websites devoted to sarcastic quotes, sayings and scrapbook quips? These are the best culled from the littered fields of the web, enjoy!

Definition of sarcasm: a cutting remark, an ironical criticism or reproach, a sometimes savage bitter form of humor usually intended to hurt or wound. In short, folks can get a bit corrosive if they don't dial it back a bit. The best sarcasm is handled like a feather touch, never heavy-handed.

Definition of irony: use of words to express the opposite of the literal meaning, incongruity between the actual and expected result of events.

I've always been more drawn to irony for witty fun. The only time getting mean-streak witty sarcastic is worth it is when you have a nasty bully in your face. Of course, you might not have much face left after the retort but you can be sure you left a lasting impression on their lifetime. Look at it this way: when you experience a "beat down" you can get up from the pile with a grin on your face as you limp away. It's worth it every time.

When I think of the scrappy high-spirited Irish every Saint Paddy's Day I often think of how clever they have been over the centuries with the spoken word - like cheeky Oscar Wilde. They certainly knew hardship and irony and yet could always scrounge up a clever retort or biting sarcasm when the occasion warranted it. So, here's to you, my Irish friends around the world, a dedication of a few sarcastic one liners and other word fun to give you a grin. Lift a glass of green beer and toast the fun of word banter!

From The Sarcasm Society on Saint Patrick’s Day: Four Leaf Clovers Now Grown in China

Written by The Sarcasmist

In a recent investigative report, it was revealed that most of the World’s four-leaf clovers are now grown in China. The report uncovered a wide network of clover fields across China. The US, British, and Irish governments are said to be planning an inquiry into the clover farming, and how we can work to reestablish the west’s dominance in clover farming before it’s too late. A government spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous said…

“If we can’t even grow our own good luck charms, we are in serious trouble.”

He finished by saying that, “We need all the luck we can get; but that is going to be hard to come by since most of the World’s four leaf clovers are now in China.”


* I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. - e.e. cummings

* Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levinson

* I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. - Jack Benny

* When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. - Gracie Allen

* You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. - Dave Barry

* If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. - Dick Cavett

* One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards. - Oscar Wilde

* And though I ebb in worth, I'll flow in thanks. - John Taylor

* If you are grouchy, irritable, annoying, or just plain mean, there will be a $10 charge given to those who have to put up with you. - Anonymous

* One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one. - Ann Landers

* Sanity is on back order… Sarcasm is in unlimited supply. - Anonymous

* Speak the truth but leave immediately afterward. - Anonymous
(Denny: I so understand this practice...!)

* Some drink at the fountain of knowledge… others just gargle. - Anonymous

* I started out with nothing and still have most of it left. - Anonymous

* I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. - Anonymous

* Does your train of thought have a caboose? - Anonymous

* Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them. - Anonymous

* Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

* The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him. - Cher

* The universe is laughing behind your back. - Anonymous

* If you’re one in a million, then there are six thousand people exactly like you. - Anonymous

* Current state: Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. - Anonymous

* Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. - Anonymous

* Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. - Anonymous

* An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. - Anonymous

* Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. - Anonymous

* Indecision is the key to flexibility. - Anonymous

* It hurts to be on the cutting edge. - Anonymous

* Anyone who can only think of only one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination. - Mark Twain

* Future benefits result from hard work. Laziness has immediate results today. - Anonymous

* I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two men are called a law firm, and that three or more are called a congress. - John Adams in the musical 1776

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. - Anonymous

* In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. - Anonymous

* Practice safe eating - always use condiments. - Anonymous

* The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. - Anonymous

* You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

* Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde

* He is a self-made man and worships his creator. - Irvin S. Cobb

* Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else. - Anonymous

* A good listener is usually thinking about something else. - Kin Hubbard

* Did you ever notice: When you put The and IRS together it spells Theirs? - Anonymous

* A narcissist is someone better looking than you are. - Gore Vidal

* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - Anonymous

* When ideas fail, words come in very handy. - Goethe

* If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. - Anonymous

(Denny: This one was my favorite as a kid. I got in more trouble for refusing to lie. My brother kept telling me that parents prefer liars. The problem was that I didn't. What a mess.)

* Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. - Drew Carey

* One of the lessons of history is that Nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. - Will Durant

* Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. - Jerry Seinfeld

* A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:

-A billion seconds ago it was 1960.
-A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
-A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
-A billion dollars only lasts 5 hours and 20 minutes at the rate Washington spends it. - Anonymous

*** ALSO: St. Patricks Day Funnies and History - Cheeky Quote Day 10 Mar 2010

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