20 April 2011

New Terrorism Alert System: Gone Is Bush Era Funny

My own terror alert for Homeland Security when new poems are published

From Denny:  What? My Democrats have gone and done something that makes sense? Whatever will we do without the crazy antics of the Republicans running the federal government?  There goes the good entertainment value for your vote.

Gone is the stupid color coded terror chart of the Bush years we all loved to lampoon regularly. Today, Homeland Security revealed the obvious: two levels of alert, "elevated threat" and "imminent threat."

Read elevated threat as "Take a look around and be aware of your surroundings and pay attention to the news while you are at it." Read imminent threat as "You are basically screwed if you didn't pay attention to the first warning and check your phone apps for updates."

From Sec. of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano:  “The terrorist threat facing our country has evolved significantly over the past 10 years, and in today’s environment, more than ever, we know that the best security strategy is one that counts on the American public as a key partner in securing our country.”

“The National Terrorism Advisory System, which was developed in close collaboration with our federal, state, local, tribal and private sector partners, will provide the American public with information about credible threats so that they can better protect themselves, their families, and their communities.”

Homeland Security Advisory System Trivia:  The first threat level system was created in 2002 in response to the 9/11 attacks.  It was a system constantly parodied by comics because the public found it confusing.

What the color codes meant:  The five levels to indicate the immediate or just sort of and kind of maybe there might be a terrorist attack - green for low, blue for guarded, yellow for elevated, orange for high and red for severe. Severe meant it was time to jump on the coat tails of VP Cheney running for the hills and the underground bunkers.


Democracy Threat Advisory Level:  green/low ("Wow, clean money systems really work") to red/severe ("Martial law, but it's for your own good").

Total Headcase Advisory System:  began with "George Soros is arrested" and ended with "Hillary Clinton is elected president."

Crayola-Homeland Security:  Joint venture to revise the system -  aquamarine is the new green,  raw umber is the new blue, burnt sienna is the new yellow, neon carrot is the new orange and  cotton candy is the new red alert level.

New system

The redesigned system will now focus on specific threats in geographical areas.  That makes more sense since we are such a large country.

New name?  It's now been ceremoniously dubbed the National Terror Advisory System.  No frills; just the facts, ma'am.  The new alert system takes effect on 26 April 2011.  Someone please advise the terrorists not to launch any attacks until after this date as it would be most appreciated not to have to suffer through yet another great Bush idea.

From Rep. Bennie Thompson, D-Mississippi: "The old color coded system taught Americans to be scared, not prepared. Each and every time the threat level was raised, very rarely did the public know the reason, how to proceed, or for how long to be on alert. I have raised concerns for years about the effectiveness of the system and have cited the need for improvements and transparency. Many in Congress felt the system was being used as a political scare tactic, raising and lowering the threat levels when it best suited the Bush administration."

Read that as Cheney was hiding in an underground Cold War Era bunker, awaiting nuclear annihilation.  He often left Bush in the White House, reminding his boss not to worry 'cause Cheney would set up a new government in the event Bush got nuked back in Washington, D.C.  Cheney gave new fodder for the comics while he really had the public wondering as to his sanity.  Can you imagine the few choice words Bush had for him when he returned after the terror alert was cancelled?

Funny threat level site to create your own color coded system 

Be sure to check out PersonalThreatLevel.com to create your very own color coded system. It makes you wonder when Bush thought up this color coded system is because he believed his followers couldn't read but he knew they weren't color blind.

Well, dang, the Democrats have gone and spoiled all the mocking good fun we used to have during the Bush years.  Oh, well, I guess good sense and smart is now in style.

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