07 April 2010

Funny Allergy Quotes - Cheeky Quote Day 7 Apr 2010




I love pollen by brookenovak @ flickr



From Denny: Awww, come on, you just knew I was going to go looking for allergy quotes during the height of pollen season! :) I took a look at America's pollen map today and saw some seriously high counts across the nation. It made me feel downright "blessed with less"! Some of these quotes were probably not meant to be funny but somehow they just came out humorous.

Check out the funny allergy and pollen quotes, the hilarious tech support joke, great photos from my fellow photographers over at flickr, pollen season poems by two famous poets and your very own link to a pollen count site. What more could you ask for? :)





check out my full load pollen by OliBac @ flickr



Quotes


* I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness. - James Thurber

* The difference between an itch and an allergy is about one hundred bucks. - Anonymous

* Hay fever is the most common allergy in the developed world. Yet, there are some countries in the world where doctors don’t know what hay fever is. - Joel Weinstock

* The immune system didn’t evolve for allergy. Why in a hundred billion years of evolution would we evolve a response for allergy? - Joel Weinstock

* Mold is older than man. A lot of human beings have allergies to molds and some molds are worse than others. You put those two things together and you have a heightened awareness. - Phil Coop

* About 30 percent of the dogs we see here with allergies are allergic to their owners. - William Miller

* We either have to shoot the owner, or we create a special allergy vaccine just for them. - William Miller

* About 20 per cent of the population believe themselves to have a food allergy and only about five per cent actually do. - John Warner




headaches from spring allergies by bark @ flickr


* Genetics plays a big role in allergies. - Shari Gruener (Make sure to thank your parents.)

* As a country becomes more developed, allergy rises and rises. And the notion there is that in the more-developed countries, you may be getting less exposure to infections and germs and other things that may stimulate your immune system in a direction other than allergy, … The more your immune system is kept busy by exposure to germs and infections early in life, the less time it can devote to things like allergy. - Robert Wood

* Well, you potentially could plant a lower allergy garden, but while you’re out there planting it, you will bombarded by oak pollen, maples, grasses. - Keith Phillips





zyrtec allergy meds by me and the sysop @ flickr



* A lot of people are allergic to tree mold - what next, do we limit the number of trees in each yard? - Mary Williams

* There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem? - Phyllis Diller

* What is love but an allergic reaction to the proper lighting! - Scott Thompson

* Frost is a good indicator that there is no pollen left outdoors. - Mike Tringale

* The study found that ragweed grown in an atmosphere with double the current carbon dioxide levels produced 61 percent more pollen than normal. Such a doubling of atmospheric carbon dioxide is expected to occur between 2050 and 2100. - Paul Epstein

* Fall: it’s the leaves, it’s the mold, it’s the pollen. Spring: it’s the grass and the trees. Dust is bad in winter. - Marjorie Crabtree

* In Africa, for example, the immune system is too busy chasing after worms to bother going after house dust mites. - Padraic Fallon

* Asthma doesn’t seem to bother me any more unless I’m around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar. - Steve Allen

* Books are the bees which carry the quickening pollen from one to another mind. - James Russell Lowell




stupid allergies by Cordeyl @ flickr


Oh, and isn't this just wonderful science news about pollen from Science Daily:


* Under human-induced climate change we expect higher wind speeds and more frequent storms will move pollen and seeds even farther from the source.

* The older a tree gets, the more pollen it produces each year.

* Long-distance dispersal of transgenic pine pollen is a potential problem only if that pollen is viable.

* Until then, the highest pine pollen had ever been found in the atmosphere was 1000 feet

* The odd thing is that pollen germination did not decline as distance increased ... You would expect germination to gradually drop off as pollen floats further away, but that's not the case.

* Pine pollen can travel up to 1800 miles in a short amount of time.


OK, everyone, do you get the idea that the plant world just might be mad at humanity and this is their revenge? As it was I ran across a study of growing hay fever plants in a carbon dioxide rich environment that caused the plants to produce 61% more pollen. Supposedly, we cannot blame the sooty air all on car emissions as apparently plants and trees make up 80% of the pollution.

So, this is what humanity can expect, just in time for the 2012 predictions of the end of the world as we know it: Climate change is causing faster winds and more storms to blow pollen our way from the ends of the earth that we have never experienced. Trees on this planet are arriving in old age so they are having a last fling at reproducing themselves with the ladies so they are sending out Viagra moments at an alarming rate. Pine pollen is like a blood hound; it likes to travel ridiculously long distances and arrive on your doorstep.




just how bad are those allergies? by Tommy Klumker @ flickr


A funny from (The Customer Is) Not Always Right where they collect customer service experiences that are hilarious:


Allergy Season Nightmare

Tech Support
Portland, Oregon, USA

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is ***, how can I help you?”

Customer: *yelling* “IS THIS TECH SUPPORT?!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, it is. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My internets are broken and I need you to fix it now.”

Me: “OK, what’s your account number?”

Customer: “Ugh. You can’t just see it?”

Me: “No Ma’am, I have to look it up in our database.”

Customer: “S***. Fine, it’s ***.”

Me: “All right, just a moment here while I bring up the info…”

Customer: “Just hurry it up, will you?”

Me: “OK, it’s coming up now…”

Customer: *sneezes*

(About 10 seconds pass in silence. I can hear children talking in the background.)

Customer: “Excuse me…”

(I stay quiet, assuming she’s talking to the children.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME!”

Me: “Sorry, were you speaking to me?”

Customer: “YES YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE F*** is WRONG with you people?”

Me: “I’m sorry? I’m not sure I understand…”

Customer: “I SNEEZED AND YOU DIDN’T BLESS ME! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF ATHEIST?! DON’T YOU REALIZE WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T BLESS SOMEONE WHEN THEY SNEEZE?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I really don’t, but I apol–”

Customer: *interrupting* “YOU’RE A F***ING HEATHEN! I HOPE YOU BURN IN H*** FOR THIS YOU…” *continues screaming*

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize if I’ve offended. I’ve found your account information, and it looks like your service was terminated three months ago.”

Customer: “YES! THAT’S HOW LONG IT’S BEEN DOWN – WHY CAN’T YOU FIX IT?!”

Me: “Because you don’t have an account with us anymore. You were canceled because of non-payment. If you’d like, I can transfer you to billing, and–”

Customer: *unintelligible screaming then hangs up*




field of daisies by globevisions @ flickr


And to send you off relaxed and grinning with a couple of delicious short poems:


Here's a cheeky one:

Bee! I'm expecting you!
Was saying yesterday
To someone you know
That you were due.

The frogs got home last week,
Are settled, and at work;
Birds, mostly back,
The clover warm and thick.

You'll get my letter by
The seventeenth; reply
Or better, be with me,

Yours,

Fly.

- Emily Dickinson




pollen feast by Mr. Ducke @ flickr



To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

- William Blake




pollen collector by tanakawho @ flickr


Pollen Count and Forecasts in your area, go here.


*** ALSO: How to Survive Allergy and Pollen Season






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