Roundup of Late Night Funnies 2 Nov 2009

From 2 of my favorite cartoonists in Denmark, giving new meaning to the phrase "bombs away"

From Denny: Here's some of the latest past few days from those crazy late night show guys, lampooning politics and politicians - and a couple of cartoon left-overs from the weekend postings of editorial cartoons...







"Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin will be making an appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show, ladies and gentlemen. It's going to be good. It's going to be great because on the one hand you have a powerful, well respected icon, American woman who could be president. And on the other hand you have Sarah." – David Letterman

"And then John McCain will make an appearance live via satellite. That is, if he can find somebody to turn on the damn thing." – David Letterman



"Do people still bob for apples? Anybody bob for apples for God's sakes? Bobbing for apples or as Dick Cheney calls it, apple boarding." –David Letterman

"I bet you you go to Dick Cheney's house, trick-or-treating he is one of those guys that tells you you are going to have to spend the night because the bridge is out." –David Letterman

"Did you hear this? President Obama has approved a new plan to pay members of the Taliban to switch sides and support the United States. Yeah, in a related story, 10 million unemployed Americans just joined the Taliban." – Conan O'Brien

"Now everybody's fine, but CNN's Lou Dobbs recently had to call the police because someone fired shots at his home. Yeah. Dobbs said he didn't see or hear the shooter, but described him as Hispanic." – Conan O'Brien



Dick Cheney on Halloween, showing his true colors, dressed as himself.

"This is interesting. One of the top selling costumes this Halloween is a vampire version of President Obama called 'Barackula.' Also very popular is the vampire version of former Vice President Dick Cheney, called 'Dick Cheney.'" – Conan O'Brien

"Former President George W. Bush is busy. That's right. He's going to India tomorrow to give a speech. Yep. The speech will be entitled, 'Hey, which of you snake charmers is going to fix my computer?'" – Conan O'Brien

"After months of the debate, finally a health care reform bill now exists. It's big. The new bill is called the Affordable Health Care for America Act. And the bill's official title is actually HR 3692. 3692, of course, stands for the year they expect the bill to pass." – Jimmy Fallon

"By gosh, the World Series starts tonight. You know who is going to be at the game tonight, at Yankee Stadium? Michelle Obama and Jill Biden. Wife of the President, wife of the Vice President. And they will be sitting right next to the two sleeping Northwest pilots." – David Letterman

But get this, the bill is 1,990 pages long. To put that into words you guys can understand, that's like 5,622,000 Tweets." – Jimmy Fallon

"The White House welcomed students to the South Lawn for the fall harvest of the White House garden. They're saying a hoe hasn't gotten that much action at the White House since the Clinton administration." – Jimmy Fallon

"You know what is worse than being sick and not having health insurance? Having to sit through the Lieberman filibuster that kept it from you." – Jon Stewart

Here's a funny clip:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Public Option Limited
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

If this clip does not show correctly, here's the link: http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-october-28-2009/public-option-limited

I usually support my fellow women in politics, regardless of political party, rarely ever comment on their mistakes but there is just something so very wrong about Palin: like this weird mindlessness along with a complete lack of reading comprehension that makes her a poster child symbol of how stupid women are perceived culturally in general. So... and for one of the most brilliant statements ever made by a politician who can't add, substract or understand the interviewer's question in the first place:



"A new poll from CNN found that more than 70% of Americans said that Sarah Palin is not qualified to be president in 2012. When she heard that, she was like, 'Yeah, but that still leaves 50%.'" – Jimmy Fallon

*** Thanks for coming by for a good laugh to get your work week started off right!

*** For more laughs, I park goodies over at 2 other blogs: Dennys Funny Quotes and Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd.

*** 10 Outrageous Glenn Beck Quotes That Prove Insanity

*** 5 Monday Morning Posts to Get You Laughing!

13 Lollapalooza Halloween Posts to Make You Grin!

From Denny: Here's a roundup of all the funny and informative Halloween posts from this week - Dennys Blog Feeds where you can view all the blogs at a glance for description and headlines to recent posts:

5 Crazy Funny Halloween Posts for Recipes, Costumes, Parties

From Denny: I've been writing intensely all day to get out all the funny Halloween related videos I've found and tasty recipes! I'm downright bug-eyed that I'm not sure which end is up - literally by the funny odd photo I found on StumbleUpon.

You will enjoy all these crazy posts as they were great fun to write:

5 Campy Halloween Posts, Costume Ideas and Recipes

Halloween Italian Comfort Food: Halloween Purses, Pumpkin Risotto, Chocolate Pudding Cake, Pumpkin Bread Pudding, Nutella Apples

Video: Halloween Campy Cakes - Chocolate Spider Cakes, Ghoulish Ghost Cakes

4 Campy Halloween Drinks for Your Party, Find Out Halloween Trivia



This little kittie is staying indoors come Halloween night... smart move, Oh, Wise One...

From Denny: What is Halloween without something a bit campy and ridiculous? The first post has a recipe and some sophisticated inexpensive decorating ideas. The costume ideas for you and your soon-to-look-ridiculous dog are the funniest. I like the X-Ray Machine costume best.

The second recipe shows you how to easily assemble your own Oreo cookie black Halloween spider cookies which are sure to be a hit with the kids at the door or your friends at your posh Halloween party!

Halloween

Video and Recipe: Halloween Pumpkin Chocolate-Chip Pound Cake, Decorating Ideas, Pumpkin Carving Tips, Amusing Costume Ideas for You and Your Pets

Recipe: Fun Halloween Oreo Spider Cookies



OK, these posts are so scary they are funny! (Lame, I know... I just love it when people over-hype their products. It's so outrageous.)

Funny

Lampooning Perfectionists is the latest Cheeky Quote Day! segment over at The Social Poets to get you laughing and thinking about how to improve your life without making it stressful.

Lampooning Perfectionists - Cheeky Quote Day 28 Oct 2009

I went cruising the web looking for more funny chocolate quotes than I already have stashed on Romancing The Chocolate blog and ran into funny Sandra Boynton's site. She has a new movie short just released a couple of days ago. B. B. King sings alongside his famous sidekick Lucille.

Let's all support her as this is her first movie debut. The little documentary that sidekicks it is interesting as to how many people it really takes, all the hoops they have to jump through, just to make a tiny film - and she made it funny too!

5 Funny Chocolate Quotes, Sandra Boyntons B. B. King Video

In case you missed any of these cute little Halloween funnies over at Dennys Funny Quotes, here's a repeat:

(Featured new today) Video: Creepy Hotels for Halloween Getaways

Repeats:

Funny Halloween Quotes, Halloween Cartoon

Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets, Funny Halloween Animation

*** Handmade Unique - lists posts from several blogs around the blogosphere with Halloween posts.

*** Thanks for visiting, everyone, and thanks for your great support! Have a fun and safe Halloween!

*** Editorial political cartoons will be here tomorrow for Sunday's post. Come on, you know that Halloween is so campy and funny that no writer can resist the temptation of writing posts for the silly holiday we enjoy so much. It's just too much fun! You know me; I'm always up for a good grinner! :)

Cheeky Quote Day! 14 October 2009

From Denny: Awww, come on, you just knew it had to be coming, a Halloween version of Cheeky Quotes - and jokes! I was surprised that there really are not that many funny quotes to be had on the quotations market. But I did find the funny story or two and what would the Halloween season be without a good ghost story?!



Don't Drive and Drive!

Quotes

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, "Trick or treat." "No thank you." - Rita Rudner

Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain. - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. - Steve Almond

I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. – Charles Swartz

True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about but few have seen. - Anonymous



I told you not to eat so much candy...

There is nothing funny about halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. - Jean Baudrillard

Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for halloween everyday. - Gwen Stefani

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Doug Coupland

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield, comedian



Beware of Danger Kitty!

A few old Halloween poems:

The witches fly
Across the sky,
The owls go, "Who? Who? Who?"
The black cats yowl
And green ghosts howl,
"Scary Halloween to you!" - Nina Willis Walter

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place. - Emily Dickinson

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble. - Shakespeare, Macbeth

Men say that in this midnight hour,
The disembodied have power
To wander as it liketh them,
By wizard oak and fairy stream - William Motherwell

At first cock-crow the ghosts must go
Back to their quiet graves below. - Theodosia Garrison



Funny Halloween Story

True Australian Halloween Ghost Story

This story happened a few years ago on 31st October in Brisbane, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark Halloween night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand appeared every time they came to a curve. John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of tequila. He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized he was crying and... wasn't drunk.

About 15 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They were also wet and out of breath.

Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Look, Bruce. There's the idiot who got in the car while we were pushing it."



Fishing for Quotes

More Funny Quotes

I see my face in the mirror and go, I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me? - Drew Carey, American Comedian

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

Eat, drink and be scary. – Anonymous

There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask. - Colette

Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. - River Phoenix

This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. - Kurt Vonnegut

We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. - David Russell



Doggies trick or treating as a ghostly choir

Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story. - Mason Cooley

Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. - Lindsay Lohan, Mean Girls

Last year was the first time I actually participated in Halloween. I dressed up as a pimp, and my sister was my bitch. We had to walk down Sunset Boulevard because we couldn't get a ride to the party, and everyone was sticking their heads out of their cars and yelling at us. It was great. - Christina Applegate.



It is kinda fun to put up a photo with the wrong sizing to make it look more scary... :)

Funny Halloween Story

Trip to the Grocery Store

We had travelled to New England during the Halloween season to soak up some of the local spooky culture in Massachusetts. I was waiting for my wife at the cashier’s station of the grocery store and I noticed that someone had left behind their broom.

When no one came to claim it, I went outside to search for a couple I remembered seeing at the cashier's desk. I spotted them getting ready to leave and hurried over.

“Excuse me,” I said to the young woman, “but did you by any chance leave your broom inside the grocery store?”

“No,” she quickly replied with a sly smile, “We came by truck this time.”

***

*** To view the funny Halloween cartoon animation over at Dennys Funny Quotes, go here.

Thanks for visiting, everyone! Have a great week!