Three Endings and One Beginning Poem - Libations Friday 5 Feb 2010

*** 4 life stories of people I have known: 3 committed suicide, 1 reclaimed their life.

From Denny: It's difficult to stand by and watch when a few people around us are on self-destruct. Sometimes, you can take time and engage as it helps them get through one more day. Sometimes, no amount of talk or company will help because what they need is prayer, the prayer of love and light to shine into their confusion and darkness to make them strong again. The following are only four stories of many I have known who have lived difficult lives for themselves and those around them. I could fill a book.

Since there is so much stress and pressure in America and around the globe this year because of the economic downturn, I thought it was time to write a poem discussing the social issue of suicide. Suicide affects us all. Three of these friends were conservative Republicans who refused to learn to be more emotionally flexible when life did not go their way. The fourth is no longer a Republican.

Why do I bring up the political preference? A few years ago, there was a study about who had the most nightmares and experienced the most fear in life. The Republicans scored high for fear and nightmares, personal rigidity and divorce over the Democrats. Right now a number of our Republican friends are recently divorced. It happened as soon as Bush left office, like a contagion. Once the Republicans were out of power, these Republicans felt powerless and trashed their relationships.

There is a better way to live...




Photo by Adan Garcia @ flickr


Three Endings and One Beginning


I ask into the quiet air:
Are we a society of yearning?

When I’m sitting still in contemplation
Thinking of others who are gone
From this earth by their own hand
I wonder how things could have been.

I ask into the stirring air:
Are we a society of depression?

We have beautiful homes, air to breathe,
Holidays to enjoy, people to know,
Awesome food to share with friends,
Yet still we revel in the darkness

Are we really here in this abundant life
Just to pay the bills, show off to the neighbors,
Buy expensive electronic toys and games,
Scrambling to get rich quick and forever?

When we ignore the simple things in life
When we sideline people trying to friend us
When we take for granted our partners and family
When we push away all that supports us - can we be happy?

I ask into the turbulent air:
Are we a society of suicide?

This year three friends killed themselves.
One was a builder undiagnosed for depression
Who clearly cycled in and out of excited highs
And lowest anti-social lows yet no one dared
Confront him to help because he employed them.
John increased his life insurance a few months before
Then he took his gun and shot into his heart
Dead in his truck on a construction site where
Some horrified Mexican painter found him.
John left his wife and children deep in debt
Never considering the legacy he left them.




Photo by nattu @ flickr


Another friend was a waitress who started
Her life far too early at age fifteen married.
Her story was perhaps the saddest for sure.
She married her first love, had three girls
Then they divorced later only to begin anew
Five years later when he was found with cancer.

She still loved him so much she mortgaged
Her tiny house to pay for his medical bills
The insurance companies denied.
When she found he was terminal and
The foreclosure papers came in the mail
She started drinking heavily and got into her car.

They were about to move in together again
Like life was once before, so simple and rich.
She drove to her husband’s yard angry.
Angry at life, angry at her rash choices,
Angry he was now terminal, angry.

She called out to him, he opened the door
Only to find her quickly pulling the trigger
Killing herself in the car - while the motor hummed.
She did not want to live when he was soon to die.
Judy forgot all about her three teenage daughters
Who are now orphaned twice for her sister to adopt.
Judy never considered the legacy she left her daughters.





Just last week we heard about yet one more.
A severe alcoholic on self-destruct
Chasing easy wealth and chasing women.
He grew up abused by a harsh father
Only to now abuse everyone around him.
He had a loyal young wife and two children
Who were patient and loving, always there
Supporting him at every turn, no matter what.

He ignored them for his own selfish world.
He abandoned them emotionally every moment.
He loved no one but only himself exclusively.
After years of abuse and neglect his wife left.
Natalie is a beautiful person inside and out
Who deserved a second chance at real love.

She separated, began to date again and
While on a date dining out, Rene showed up
Angry and drunk. He had just lost his job.
He had lost his wife and children, his home.
He lunged at the other man, stabbing him.
Rene left quickly, went home where the police
Arrested him. Yet the next day he got out on bond.
He foolishly called Natalie to pick up where he left off
Fighting with her over the phone like it was the other night.
The man was stuck in life, determined to destroy all in his path.

Rene yelled and screamed about what he demanded,
Never listening to anyone other than his own words.
Then the screaming stopped and he grew too quiet.
Natalie was about to speak; it was a long pause, then
She heard the gun shot over the phone; Rene killed himself.
Rene never considered what legacy he left to his children.

We wonder together where such darkness begins
We know how it ends, no matter how many try to stop it.
Darkness comes from a closed harsh heart self-absorbed.
Darkness cannot feed, heal, bring understanding or give life.
Open the door, let in the light and darkness is diminished.
Open the door and loneliness and confusion evaporate.





It’s a bumpy road back to wholeness, walking out of the dark.
Another friend had finally reached the end of his welcome
With everyone around him. He bullied and condemned all
Who would not enable him. His father had taught him to hate women.
Since a teenager he abused drugs and alcohol – and people – twenty years.

His father was the source of his anger and confusion, a crushing manipulator.
When I met the man I realized he was insane, yet he had convinced all
Around him that everyone else was at fault. He harangued his wife
For so many years she finally had a nervous breakdown. He placed
Her on far too heavy medications and told everyone she was insane.
Their sons were confused, angry and resentful. Angry at the mother
They thought her weak not stopping the father’s condemnations.
With years of programming they believed all women were useless.





Then Flynt blew into my life like a storm, trying to dominate
Odious, hateful, high on five tabs of Ecstasy and drunk too.
Everyone tolerated him, his lousy attitude, he was top dog.
He was in my home bullying friends at a celebration.
Then he crossed the line with me by insulting my husband.

No one said a drunk was smart and it was then I decided
Flynt was going to get straight and sober. To this day he tells
The tale of when I physically bounced him out of my house,
Declaring, “You are not going to be an alcoholic, not on my watch!”

Of course, Flynt retaliated with convincing all his friends I was horrible.
They all talked bad about me; I ignored it. People who don’t respect
The truth and don’t have the courage to stand up for it are not friends.
People who will not stand up to alcoholics are not their friends;
They are their enablers, their weak accomplices. Flynt needed
Someone stronger willed than him, someone strong enough
To put her foot in his back and kick hard enough to get him
Across the finish line. Flynt’s new wife turned out to be a mini-me,
Her strong convictions made me smile I was so proud of her.
She would not tolerate his beatings, berating or hating her as a woman.
She left him twice in the first two years of marriage.





For Flynt that was finally it; he realized he did not want to be alone.
His wife and I and a few others kept praying love and light into him
To make him the right kind of strong, eroding the darkness in him.
Flynt has now been straight and sober for four years.
He quit talking harsh and hard-hearted about women and others.

It’s taking time, a lot of time and effort, yet he is doing well in his marriage.
He has finally faced the dark motives of his father and seen the truth.
As he walked away, spending less and less time with his toxic father
Flynt has grow stronger and more loving. He finally freed himself
And the rest of us. Flynt still doesn’t like me but he sure respects me,
Quick to remind all that he didn’t stay an alcoholic “on my watch.”




Photo by claudiogennari @ flickr


Are we a society that care too much about ourselves,
Refusing to risk anything for what matters more?

Real love for others is about risking your ego to be trounced and
Misunderstood and condemned by others who do not love.
Do it anyway. Maybe you will get lucky and someone will learn to live again.



Denny Lyon
Copyright 5 Feb 2010
All Rights Reserved


In the news: Designer Alexander McQueen found dead, Flamboyant British fashion icon an apparent suicide at age 40


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Life Advice Poem by Rudyard Kipling

From Denny: It's Sunday and the weather is cooling for the coming winter. This time of year our thoughts often turn inward, introspective. Who better than Rudyard Kipling to help us ask the questions and give us some benchmarks to exceed our grasp? :) He was always a thorough thinker to help you to consider your way in Life.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

by Rudyard Kipling


*** Thanks for visiting and come back often! :)

Lampooning Perfectionists - Cheeky Quote Day 28 Oct 2009

Perfection Sign Photo by TriXInc @ flickr

From Denny: Have you ever been annoyed by someone blustering about, fretting, worrying, bullying you and everyone else into joining their narrow world of perfectionism? What an unhappy place! Yet there are those who continue to insist upon forcing their rigid unrealistic dream onto the rest of us, a dream that continues to elude them. (Oh, Thank You, there is a God...)

I'm all for striving for the best in excellence but honey, there is a time when you just have to let go and let it fly out of the nest to get crushed by the criticism of the world. In time, whatever creative thing you sent out into the world often gets validated, just later. Forget about immediate gratification that the perfectionist seeks.

Can you tell I grew up about perfectionists? My reply to them? They make drugs for people like you; please use them. If you can't afford the drugs then come to my blog and start reading, religiously, the Cheeky Quote Day segments. I may even start the Cheeky Quote Day Health Care Plan. Feel free to pay in reasonably priced installments.

You need to lighten up and have some fun, especially poking fun at yourself. After all, imperfection begins at home, right? So does charity. Try being kinder to yourself and everyone else around you. The world will be a better place when people make the conscious decision to slow down, quit worrying so much, get outside their own heads and be more sociable.

Apparently, perfectionism has plagued society for generations. For hundreds of years writers have opined about the dilemma, trying to define it, dismiss it or reshape it. And, here I am, the next generation, here to repackage and market it because good classics just never go out of style, not when it comes to lampooning our own humanity. :) Most of these quotes are obvious laugh out loud while others really make you think, sometimes, in reverse, like how a crawfish moves, a skittering thought skimming your mind in unexpected ways.



Arc of Triumph in Paris Photo by Zigar @ flickr

Perfection Quotes

* Congratulations! You're not perfect! It's ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody's ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people. You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake.

Perfect is never doing anything wrong - which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring! So you're not perfect! Wonderful! Have fun! Eat things that give you bad breath!

Trip over your own shoelaces! Laugh! Let somebody else laugh at you! Perfect people never do any of those things. All they do is sit around and sip weak tea and think about how perfect they are. But they're really not one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. You should see them when they get the hiccups! Phooey! Who needs 'em?

You can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person. Good people are hard to find nowadays. And they're a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week. - Stephen Manes, Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!



The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. - Stanley J. Randall

This is the very perfection of a man, to find out his own imperfection. - Augustine

No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers. - Anonymous

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything,
That's how the light gets in.
- Leonard Cohen

To escape criticism - do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard

Only in grammar can you be more than perfect. - William Safire

Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing. - From the television show Ally McBeal



Photo by MigRodz @ flickr - I love Muscogy ducks. They are intelligent birds, sweet-natured, loving and friendly. Most people think them ugly; I adore them!

Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. - Henry van Dyke

Gold cannot be pure, and people cannot be perfect. - Chinese Proverb

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. - Confucius, Analects

When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target. - George Fisher

Once you accept the fact that you're not perfect, then you develop some confidence. - Rosalynn Carter

There are no perfect men in this world, only perfect intentions. - Pen Densham, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves



Mother Teresa Photo by TheAlieness GiselaGiardino23 @ flickr - Known for suffering from terrible depression and many imperfections she allievated the suffering in many people's lives and lifted their souls out of despair.

The imperfections of a man, his frailties, his faults, are just as important as his virtues. You can't separate them. They're wedded. - Henry Miller

The human story does not always unfold like a mathematical calculation on the principle that two and two make four. Sometimes in life they make five or minus three; and sometimes the blackboard topples down in the middle of the sum and leaves the class in disorder and the pedagogue with a black eye. - Winston Churchill

Always live up to your standards - by lowering them, if necessary. - Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

He who hath not a dram of folly in his mixture hath pounds of much worse matter in his composition. - Charles Lamb

Even the best needles are not sharp at both ends. - Chinese Proverb

The pursuit of perfection, then, is the pursuit of sweetness and light. - Matthew Arnold

I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Player Piano

Unless I accept my faults I will most certainly doubt my virtues. - Hugh Prather

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Striving to better, oft we mar what's well. - William Shakespeare, King Lear, 1605 (Today in Southern Speak: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.)

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. - Salvador Dali

All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. - William Faulkner

A good garden may have some weeds. - Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732



Orchid Photo by InkHong @ flickr

I cling to my imperfection, as the very essence of my being. - Anatole France (Jacques Anatole François Thibault), The Garden of Epicurus, 1894

He that will have a perfect brother must resign himself to remain brotherless. - Italian Proverb

You see, when weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the weaving of that blanket to let the soul out. - Martha Graham

Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on. - Ed Howe

Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways. - Samuel McChord Crothers

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. - Anna Quindlen

A good friend who points out mistakes and imperfections and rebukes evil is to be respected as if he reveals a secret of hidden treasure. - Buddha

Truth is so great a perfection, that if God would render himself visible to men, he would choose light for his body and truth for his soul. - Pythagoras

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers. - W. Somerset Maugham



Rainy Day in Paris Photo by Zigar @ flickr

Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person. – Dr. David M. Burns

They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds. - Winston Churchill

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business. - Michael J. Fox

The true perfection of man lies not in what man has, but in what man is. - Oscar Wilde

The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection. - Michelangelo

All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible. - William Faulkner

Fix your eyes on perfection and you make almost everything speed towards it. - William Ellery Channing

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick. - Bill Lemley

The most difficult part of attaining perfection is finding something to do for an encore. – Anonymous

Does "anal-retentive" have a hyphen? - Alison Bechdel

When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target. - Geoffrey F. Fisher

Everything is perfect in the universe - even your desire to improve it. - Wayne Dyer

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others. - Doug Larson



Blue Morning Reflections Photo by papalars @ flickr

And the end result of success - from too much perfectionism - is irony:

Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. - Dale Carnegie (OMG, he knows me! Who told him?)

The penalty of success is to be bored by people who used to snub you. - Nancy Astor, Viscountess, U.S.- born British politician

This is the last time that I will take part as an amateur. - Daniel Francois Esprit Auber, French composer

To be loved is to be fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction. - Minna Antrim, U.S. writer

Work is a dull way to get rich.
- Neal Ascherson, British journalist and author

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. - Douglas Adams, British writer

It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them. - Alfred Adler, Austrian psychiatrist

Nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when you have only one idea. - Alain, French philosopher (Propos sur la religion)




*** Thanks for visiting, everyone, have a great work week! (I'm sending you out of the nest all laughed up...)

*** For more funnies: 5 Funny Chocolate Quotes, Sandra Boyntons B. B. King Video

Photo Credits

Perfection Sign Photo by TriXInc @ flickr

Arc of Triumph in Paris Photo by Zigar @ flickr

Muscogy Duck Photo by MigRodz @ flickr

Mother Teresa Photo by TheAlieness GiselaGiardino23 @ flickr

Orchid Photo by InkHong @ flickr

Rainy Day in Paris Photo by Zigar @ flickr

Blue Morning Reflections Photo by papalars @ flickr