Cheeky Quote Day! 27 May 2009

Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr

From Denny: OK, I admit it, I’ve dyed my hair so many colors over the years that I actually like these dumb blonde jokes now! This one is a grinner.

How is this joke a cheeky quote? I’ll answer that question with yet another question: Do you realize just how many dumb blonde jokes have been floating around out there on the internet? Sooner or later you just knew one would be quoted here! :)

Cheeky Quotes are always welcome too from the famous writer Oscar Wilde, one wild character and totally larger than life! His was a twisted humor, using truth to illustrate paradox and hypocrisy of society - why he has remained one of my favorites.

*****

Herding Sheep Image via Wikipedia

Counting Sheep

The blonde from Casper had been the brunt of dumb blonde jokes all her life and finally decided to do something about it. Boldly, she entered a beauty salon and had her hair dyed auburn. The change was immediate and drastic.

Suddenly people began to treat her with respect and her self-esteem grew daily. One afternoon she went for a drive in the country-side and happened upon a band of sheep and a herder. Deciding to test her new-found confidence and skill, she stopped and visited with the herder. After charming the herder, she made him a proposition.

She said, "I’d love to have one of those sheep as a pet. Do you suppose if I guessed the exact number you have in your herd you could let me have one to take home?"

The herder, thinking there was no way in the world she could guess the exact number said, "Why sure, little lady, you go ahead and guess."

The auburn/blonde said, "You have exactly 1053 head of sheep.

The herder could not believe it. She had guessed the number right on the button. Chagrined, he told her to go ahead and pick out a sheep to take home. She wandered through the whole herd finally making her selection at the far edge of the flock. Carrying it back to her car, she put it in the back seat. As she was about to drive off, the herder came running towards her car frantically yelling,

"Wait, wait!" She rolled down her window to see what he wanted and he said, "I’ve got a proposition for you. If I can guess the exact color of your hair before you dyed it, can I have my dog back?"



Photo by anaxila @ flickr

From famous humor writer Oscar Wilde:

"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal."

"Disobedience, in the eyes of any one who has read history, is human's original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion."

"Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess."

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."


From Denny: Enjoy the rest of your work week! If you need some more laughs to get through the week I've collected all kinds of funny things over at my humor blog, Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd, go here.

A Story Set to Song Titles

A Story Set to Song Titles

by Janetta @ HubPages

From Denny: This is a clever idea from a new writer over at HubPages. She took song titles and created a story using them. She marked the song titles in bold. Tak a look and try out your own ideas for fun!

Photo by Mourner @ flickr

Cheeky Quote Day! 29 April 2009

Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr

From Denny: The Wednesdays just keep rolling on! Take a little time out from your work week, deep breath, chuckle a little or laugh a lot, so you can get through the rest of the week - until Libations Friday! - why, of course! :)

The Simpsons (via last.fm)

Humor Blog: Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd

Make sure you also pay a visit to my humor blog that is taking off unexpectedly well (shameless plug): Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd. Lots of cartoons, jokes, photos, videos (like the Simpsons and Saturday Nite Live's BitchPleez blogger).

Image by MyFreeStock via Flickr

Cheeky Quotes from the UK

On to the Cheeky Quotes and who better than the British themselves who coined the phrase in the first place!

From our friends “across the Pond” comes an engaging fun site called The Institution of Silly & Meaningless Sayings. I enjoyed them so much I placed a link to their site on The Social Poets any time you wish to visit. You are also invited to submit fodder for them as they willingly read their email from fans! While many sayings in their database are tied closely to British-only culture there are a number that translate easily for the American mindset.

Humor Creates Easy Learning, Enables Better Writing

This is also a fun way they devised to better learn how to use – or not use - your own language when writing. Many a TV or movie character has been based off these kinds of language mistakes/offenses and become quite popular with the public. We have even had a precious (oops! meant previous) American President who demonstrated some peculiar word choices. :)

The following goodies are from their database:

Malapropism - an act or habit of misusing words ridiculously, especially by the confusion of words that are similar in sound. ("Ism" is short for a lot of words like Malapropism.)

ism #886: I think familiarity is beginning to breed content. (contempt)

ism #891: He was from the Noise Debating Society!

ism #899: He was like a bullet in a china shop. (bull)

ism #902: You just take me for credit! (granted)

ism #905: She crashed her car on the bridge; she's a very erotic driver. (erratic)

ism #912: I'm sorry he's not here; he's in the other orifice. (office)

ism #917: It's slander, it's definition of character. (defamation)

ism #921: It's alright for you men, it's us girls who put up with all this pre-mental suspension. (PMS: premenstrual)

ism #928: I'm going on another shore excretion. (excursion)

ism #930: He sat at the bar and drank himself into Bolivia. (oblivion - but hey! Bolivia works too, kinda)

***

Image via Wikipedia

Another of their categories: Dodgy Foreign - incorrect use of foreign phrases in every day language in order to give the impression of being very cosmopolitan.

ism #733: The French don't even have a word for entrepreneur.

source: George Bush (from Kristins Amadeus and others)

ism #758: Accidents aren't my faux pas.

source: Car dealer, as part of safety talk

***

Image by SarahWynne via Flickr

A few of their cheeky tips for writers which will give your brain a chance to pause and appreciate:

Prepositions are not the words to end sentences with.

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat!)

Be more or less specific in your discussion.

Don't use no double negatives.

Any certainly don't never use no triple negatives.

Eliminate ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

One-word sentences? Never!

Understatement is absolutely the best way to put forward earth shattering ideas.

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Who needs rhetorical questions?

***



Word cloud of Obama speech photo by shashiBellamkonda @ flickr

Of course, my all time favorites are newspaper headlines that often leave me tilting my head and saying, "What The Flock?" Here are the Brit versions. Looks like their news folks are equally lame.

March planned for next August

Include your children when baking cakes

Prostitutes to hold open day

Bulge in trousers was ecstasy

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers!

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Hospital is Sued by Seven Foot Doctors

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

***



Photo of volcano Mount Saint Helens, Washington state, 1980 eruption.

Just for fun, why not leave your own funny versions of the headlines in the comment section? Have some fun, exercise your brain, make like a volcano, blow off and delete some work week stress!

ARE YOU A COFFEE LOVER? 35 SIGNS OF BEING A CAFFEINE ADDICT

In the spirit of Libations Friday!



ARE YOU A COFFEE LOVER?

35 SIGNS OF BEING A CAFFEINE ADDICT:

"So are you as hooked as I am to coffee?

COFFEEBEANS WHAT ARE THE SIGNS?

So how would you know if you are a coffee crazy?
Here are some of the signs to see if you are a caffeine addict." 1 funny video.

By mhei @ HubPages

From Denny: Since this Philippines writer is so amusing AND loves coffee, well, she deserved a hall of fame moment to be featured on this blog! She is also on my friends list over at HubPages and is quite a character like so many writers over there. The publishing industry needs to hike on over to HubPages and snap up a number of the funny writers over there.

Photo by Ballistik Coffee Boy @ flickr