Cheeky Quote Day! 19 August 2009

From Denny: This was a fun category I discovered recently - genius quotes. Since I grew up in the intelligence community where they chased after geniuses, even tried to breed them, this has long been an area of interest for me. I even used to throw all my IQ tests just so my father's "blessed" colleagues would never know my level of ability.

They had already nailed my mother and older brother and the last thing I wanted to be labeled was as a genius. In my experience all it meant was you had to memorize useless trivia to prove how smart you were and act like a performing seal at a marina for your handlers. That translated as a lack of freedom to live your life as you chose.

Humor has always been my choice of how to best react to life, especially when other people who don't quite "get it" try to harass, bully or stress you. More than anything I found it amusing how people who are not defined as geniuses have decided they know how to define genius. Now does that practice make any sense to you? It sure didn't to me when I was growing up in the weird atmosphere.

It would have been pure heaven to have some of these cheeky quotes to whip out and use from time to time when my father's crowd got pushy about trying to control someone else's intelligence, like you were a willing robot to be used as they willed. Too bizarre. Some of these quotes are by people labeled as geniuses and they have a wonderful sense of the ironic and good humor!

Quotes

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. - Mark Twain

Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

I think the world is run by C students. - Al McGuire

Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one. - E.B. White

In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Self Reliance," Essays, 1841

Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius. - George Bernard Shaw

If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If the Aborigine drafted an I.Q. test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. - Stanley Garn

The reluctance to put away childish things may be a requirement of genius. - Rebecca Pepper Sinkler

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein

Character is higher than intellect. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. - Albert Einstein

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. - Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"

Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun. - George Scialabra

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

The invention of IQ does a great disservice to creativity in education. - Joel Hildebrand

If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn't. - Emerson M. Pugh

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton, singer and actress


Clown Photo by I'm Fantastic! @ flickr

Cheeky Quote Day! 12 August 2009

Photo by Tansan @ flickr

From Denny: For today's funny and ironic quotes it seems I hit the Mother Lode! In my research I ran across an additional category of Back to School quotes that was most amusing to add to the original idea of the Education category. Parents and kids are going back to school this week in Louisiana, very early in order to make room for any lost days due to hurricanes or if there is a flu outbreak. With some of those frazzled nerves out there from all the pressure of working AND getting kids back to school a few grins were in order...



If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. - Erma Bombeck

Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken. - Bill Dodds

You send your child to the schoolmaster, but 'tis the schoolboys who educate him. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently. - Friedrich Nietzsche

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. - Anonymous

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. - Lily Tomlin as "Edith Ann"

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. - Anonymous

There are three good reasons to be a teacher - June, July, and August. - Anonymous

What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child. - George Bernard Shaw

A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep. - W.H. Auden

A cross-eyed teacher can keep twice the number of children in order than any other, because the pupils do not know who she's looking at. - Four Hundred Laughs: Or, Fun Without Vulgarity, compiled and edited by John R. Kemble, 1902

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. - Robert Gallagher

The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn - and change. - Carl Rogers

My education was only interrupted by my schooling. – Winston Churchill

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain

It doesn't make much difference what you study, as long as you don't like it. - Finley Peter Dunne

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. - Albert Einstein

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. - Attributed to both Andy McIntyre and Derek Bok



It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. – Albert Einstein

Education aims to give you a boost up the ladder of knowledge. Too often, it just gives you a cramp on one of its rungs. - Martin H. Fischer

Education would be much more effective if its purpose was to ensure that by the time they leave school every boy and girl should know how much they do not know, and be imbued with a lifelong desire to know it. - William Haley

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist," 1890

When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course. - Peter Drucker

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know. - Daniel J. Boorstin, Democracy and Its Discontents

The founding fathers... provided jails called schools, equipped with tortures called education. School is where you go between when your parents can't take you and industry can't take you. ~ John Updike, The Centaur, 1963



You learn something every day if you pay attention. - Ray LeBlond

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught. - Winston Churchill

Education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes, we need gigantic revolutionary changes. Schools should be palaces. Competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be getting six-figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge for its citizens, just like national defense. That is my position. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet. - Aaron Sorkin, The West Wing

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. - William James, Principles of Psychology

Intelligence appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along without education. Education enables a man to get along without the use of his intelligence. - Albert Edward Wiggam

Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily. - Thomas Szasz

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. - Alvin Toffler

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. - Epictetus

If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job. - Donald D. Quinn

If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found time to conquer the world. - Heinrich Heine

The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. - Mark Twain

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theatre. – Gail Goodwin



I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education. - Tallulah Bankhead

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. - Evan Esar, American humorist, 1899-1995

No matter how long you teach a fool, he still knows everything. - Leonid S. Sukhorukov, All About Everything (2005)

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. - Mark Twain

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. - Doug Larson

You can get all A's and still flunk life. - Walker Percy

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated. - Al McGuire

The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living. - Will Rogers

Did you know America ranks the lowest in education but the highest in drug use? It's nice to be number one, but we can fix that. All we need to do is start the war on education. If it's anywhere near as successful as our war on drugs, in no time we'll all be hooked on phonics. - Leighann Lord

College is about three things: homework fun and sleep ... but you can only choose two. - Andy Stern


Thanks for visiting!



Society and Culture, United States, Kids and Teens, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Oscar Wilde, Winston Churchill, George Bernard Shaw, Mark Twain, Education, Lily Tomlin

Cheeky Quote Day! 15 July 2009

From Denny: The folks over at Quote Garden have collected an hilarious bunch of Curmudgeon Quotes, of all things to categorize! Well, to my mind, that’s just an invitation to plug their site and place those quotes under a Cheeky Quote Day post!

I’m a sociable person; however, the majority of my relatives are curmudgeons and extreme sport pessimists. I guess I missed the grumpy gene – and my grandfather too. Of course, in my mind (it sure does get busy in there...), grumpy people are basically not mentally tough and don’t want to learn how.

Sure, Life jumps up and bites you hard on the butt, sometimes more often than any of us want to deal with, but the mentally tough figure out coping strategies to work through the situation until it improves or dissipates. I’ve always used humor, writing, meditation and exercise to accomplish that goal.

When I read some of these quotes it made me laugh as I recognized a lot of my relatives, former bosses, the surly grocery cashier and negative teachers, you name it. It’s like someone who was quoted from a 100 years ago actually met the same people I know! See how many people you recognize in your life!

Quotes

“A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.” ~ Edgar A. Shoaff

“It is not a fragrant world.” ~ Raymond Chandler

“I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end.” ~ Fred Couples

“I love mankind - its people I can't stand.” ~ Charles M. Schulz, Go Fly a Kite, Charlie Brown

“Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit.” ~ Author Unknown

“There are people who have an appetite for grief; pleasure is not strong enough and they crave pain. They have mithridatic stomachs which must be fed on poisoned bread, natures so doomed that no prosperity can sooth their ragged and dishevelled desolation.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.” ~ Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1893

“I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.” ~ W. Somerset Maugham

“When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools.” ~ William Shakespeare, King Lear

“Nothing is more miserable than man,
Of all upon the earth that breathes and creeps.”
~ Homer, Iliad

“I hate to be near the sea, and to hear it raging and roaring like a wild beast in its den. It puts me in mind of the everlasting efforts of the human mind, struggling to be free and ending just where it began.” ~ William Hazlitt

“We can destroy ourselves by cynicism and disillusion, just as effectively as by bombs.” ~ Kenneth Clark

“Sometimes you wake up in the morning and wish your parents had never met.” ~ Bill Fitch

“Men hate to be misunderstood, and to be understood makes them furious.” ~ Edgar Saltus

“Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse.” ~ Bill Press

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” ~ Ernest Hemingway

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.” ~ G.K. Chesterton


Bozo Sapiens Photo by I'm Fantastic! @ flickr

Cheeky Quote Day! 8 July 2009

From Denny: I had a good time combing through various databases finding these funny quotes, enjoy! "The things people will say!" :)

"I can see clearly now, the brain has gone." - Anonymous

"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright

"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law." - Hubert Humphrey

"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand." - Benny Hill

"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted." - George Best



"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." - Mark Twain

"A friend is someone who's there when he needs you." - Anonymous

"I like nonsense - it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope... and that enables you to laugh at all of life's realities." - Dr. Seuss

"Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours."- Milton Berle



From Denny: I ran this over at my humor blog, Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd, yesterday. In case you missed it here it is in its entirety.

Cancel Your Credit Cards BEFORE You Die

As if you will have advance warning as to when you will die. Have you seen this funny email about how stupid credit card companies are these days? Whether it's a true account or not - we all have had conversations with our credit card companies that border on this lunacy! :) Maybe I should come up with an award for this. Any suggestions of what to title that award? :)

Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr (Bozo Sapiens rather fits this incredible story...)

***

Now some people are really stupid!!!!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards, before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died in January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to the fraud division, or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

(so if you have a $0 balance how can they charge late fees & charges?)

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax:

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you can just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help....'

Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 68.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'

(Priceless!!)

And you wondered why Citi Corp is going broke and needs the feds to bail them out!!

And for those who enjoy music impressions check out this video, another kind of cheeky quotes!



*****

Citibank Citi Corp credit card companies bailout death fees God humor funny bizarre weird news odd outrageous obnoxious credit cards customer service banking services business financial services God humor funny Hubert Humphrey Ralph Waldo Emerson Milton Berle Mark Twain Benny Hill Steven Wright George Best Matt Jernigan Anjelah Johnson