This Weeks Roundup of Sunday Funnies: "Sicko" (Cinco) de Mayo, New Dem Senator

The Tonight Show

Jay Leno: See all those people on the news walking around wearing those surgical masks, huh? Suddenly Michael Jackson not so crazy, huh?

The Colbert Report

Steven Colbert: President Obama got exactly the gift he wanted, an adorable new senator [former Republican Sen. Arlen Specter]. I just hope he is housebroken.

The Late Late Show

Craig Ferguson: [Iranian President Mahmoud] Ahmadinejad complained President Obama hasn't been returning his messages. No offense, Mahmoud, but maybe he's just not that into you.

The Colbert Report

Steven Colbert: Republican Sen. Arlen Specter has contracted donkey flu. Folks, this disease is now officially out of control. Back in 2004 we thought we had it contained to the coasts and the cities, but then it mutated and tore through the country.

Note from Denny: For the folks outside of America so you don't miss out on the inside America joke: donkey flu is a code phrase for changing your political party affliation to the Democratic Party.

The Tonight Show

Jay Leno: Biden isn't speaking out so much lately. Today, President Obama took some action. Did you see them together? Take a look. Duct tape. Look.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Jimmy Kimmel: We have the first president ever who knows how to use Facebook, but his staff can't use Photoshop. Here it is, here is Air Force One and the Statue of Liberty, and look what else we can do. We can see President Obama walking on the wing.

Photo by Tansan @ flickr

From This Week: Roundup of Sunday Funnies

Funnies: Obama Shirtless -- Just Like We Are

The Late Show

David Letterman: President Obama has kind of a happier outlook. He said instead of waterboarding terrorists, he's going to put them in dunk tanks.

The Late Late Show

Craig Ferguson: Another magazine has Barack Obama appearing shirtless in it. I think most Americans will identify with him. Most have lost their shirts.

The Daily Show

Jon Stewart: You really have to waterboard something 183 times?! Doesn't the efficacy go down? I assume after 90 waterboardings the guy is thinking, 'You are not really drowning me, are you?'

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Jimmy Kimmel: Thanks to the economy there's a new special day for parents and kids. This Wednesday, April 29, is national take your child to where you used to work day.

The Tonight Show

Jay Leno: President Barack Obama held his first full Cabinet meeting yesterday. He told his Cabinet to ensure that every tax dollar is spent wisely. And then there was one embarrassing moment when he had to explain to the Cabinet what a taxpayer was.

The Colbert Report

Steven Colbert: According to [George] Will, "Denim is the clerical vestment for the priesthood of all believers in democracy's catechism of leveling." Good thing I have this handy George Will-to-English dictionary. I picked it up at the George Stephanopoulos Roundtable gift shop.

Roundup of Late Night Shows' Funnies

Earmarks and Bailouts and Fraud, Oh My!

From: ABC News This Week with George Stephanopoulous


The Late Late Show

Ferguson: Here's how bad the economy is. "Sesame Street" has had to lay off 67 people. Now all the characters are living in garbage cans.


Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel: The president said we can't stick with the school calendar that was created during a time when most Americans were farmers. He is right. We need a new school calendar for a time when most Americans are unemployed.


The Tonight Show

Leno: Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion in profit. That just goes to show you, you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, and they'll show you how to turn it into $8 billion.

The Colbert Report

Colbert: Today he announced he is ending the abuse of earmarks! [Cut to graphic bill.] Then, to show he means business, he signed an appropriations bill containing nearly 9,000 earmarks... Now, the bill was written months ago and the president signed it reluctantly. You can tell by looking at his signature [full screen signature with a big frownie face in O of Obama].


Late Night

Letterman: Bernie [Madoff] and his wife, Ruth, have been in the penthouse. They got together and said we have $69 million. We'd like to hang on this $69 million. They said are you nuts? This is not fraud money. This is money we saved by switching to Geico.

Roundup of Late Night Shows' Funnies

Lampooning the Budget Blues

The Tonight Show

Leno: They're leaning towards the Swedish model for banks. You know, I've got a better idea. How about opening banks with all Swedish models. That's how banks should go.


Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel: The spending package passed with almost no Republican support, but Obama said he's focused on bringing real bipartisanship to government. He sent every Republican a jar of peanuts, which I thought was nice.


The Late Show

Letterman: Here's how bad things are California. They've canceled the next three mud slides. That's how bad…

The Late Late Show

Ferguson: It was very bad news for Sarah Palin. Good news and bad news. The bad news was the IRS says she owes thousands of dollars in back taxes. The good news is she now qualifies to be in Obama's Cabinet.

The Tonight Show

Leno: California lawmakers have been pulling all-nighters, trying to pass the budget. They're literally sleeping there. [Video of lawmakers asleep, with voiceover: "As night stretched into morning, the building lockdown turned the Capitol into an unwilling slumber party. Democratic leaders seeking a breakthrough for this historic interest..." (Leno sneaks in to puts sleeping lawmakers' hands in warm water).]