Joke: Smart Dog Goes Meat Shopping

Smart Dog

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?"
The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef.

He then said, "Anything else?"

The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?"

The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops.

The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house and began to scratch at the door to be let in. As the owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, "That's a really smart dog you have there."

The owner said, "He's not really all that smart. This is the second time this week he forgot his key."


Ground beef, Dogbert, Pork chop, Butcher, Home, Food, Cooking, Meat, Pork, smart dog, jokes, dog, dog joke, Dogbert

Libations Friday! 24 July 2009

Featured today: A Louisiana coffee recipe in the form of a coffee shake for this hot summer and an original dream sequence poem.

From Denny: Around here the famous Louisiana coffee company is known as "CC's" - short for Community Coffee. You can use your favorite coffee for this shake too. I'm a big fan of CC's New Orleans Blend with Chickory (which tamps down the acid level). Try this super simple easy recipe for your lazy weekend, so refreshing after a long work week!

CC's Coffee Banana Shake

Ingredients:

1 cup brewed and chilled Community Coffee's Louisiana Blend Coffee

2 medium-ripe bananas, sliced

1 pint good quality ice cream

3 tablespoons sugar

1 or 2 drops of almond flavoring

Directions:

Pour the coffee into a blender, then add the bananas, ice cream, sugar and almond flavoring. Cover and blend at high speed until thick and fluffy. Pour into chilled glasses. Serves 3 to 4 people.

On to the poetry section for this week...

From Denny: Those of you who read over at my quotes blog, Beautiful Illustrated Quotations, know I read some articles recently I found disturbing in their political vitriol. There is some seriously toxic stuff written without so much as a true fact to back up the rhetoric. It's pretty amazing how toxic and full of hate some people continue to choose to be, all in the name of identifying themselves as good Christians. Uh, do they read the same Bible I do? Last I checked, Jesus preached love and the digging out of our hearts all hatred for others.

Anyway, the recent event brought to mind a poem I wrote last year talking about toxic people. You know how it is; you get ready to go to sleep and go into a meditative state to process the day. Well, with that meditation I added a question prayer about how God views all this toxic squabbling on this planet. It wasn't long before I got an interesting answer. Of course, my spirit tends to be joyful and loves ironic humor and so, as God talks to us with our own private language, He framed the answer in my own personal code of humor. At first the dream was a bit disorienting and disconcerting as it felt like a smothering effect until I realized what was going on - and that I had the power to do something about what was happening.

When some other poet friends read this poem they thought it was a death and resurrection poem, something I never intended but hey! a cool extra double meaning works for me! What I intentionally wrote about - as this was written in the middle of the night upon getting this dream - was how life and toxic people throw dirt on us and its our job to dig our way out, knowing that we have helpers standing nearby, and, in the end, laugh at it all. Laughing off garbage seems to be a recurring theme for my writings.

I even created a little abstract drawing to go with the poem. The cheekbone area looks like a stairway. Dream sequences are such fun to draw! It's like "all bets are off" on the expected and you can insert the unexpected or unusual.



Flinging Dirt Drawing by Denny Lyon

Flinging Dirt

The muse guy smiled and beckoned
Directing my attention to a hill
Upon which I stood waiting

Suddenly huge mounds of dirt flew my way
Falling back surprised, fell down to the ground
The dirt filled the air, covering me quickly

Inside the dirt, perplexed, I blinked
The dirt was busy above, growing heavy
Groaned, stifled from the weight of it all

The dirt was not earthy and fresh or new
Smelling bad, stinking stale and worse it was
Deeper I sank, now a depression made a grave

Deeper into the earth I sank, the dirt mounded high
A shovel appeared, grabbed the smooth handle
Carved a space to sit and ponder dark, shovel propped

Why is this happening?
Why does this dirt smell so bad?
Why does no one notice this wrong?

Decided to fight, moving dirt behind
Determined, ascending faster than dirt above
Gratefully surfaced, peered up the narrow hole, light!

Climbed out onto the dirt, now highest mountain
The dirt throwers disappeared, evaporated, not known
Felt the sun on my face, warm, inviting, renewing

Looked around for trouble, looked long way down
At the bottom a long line of angels, tall, smiling
Approaching they all broke into cacophony applause

Who are you? I inquired
Why are you here? I continued
What is your purpose? I had to know

We are the Congratulations! Committee to greet you
We are here to assist your next decisions, eternally
Our purpose to walk by your side on your souls journey

I took it all in, delighted to meet them
They must have provided that shovel
Assuring my survival if only I would act

The dozen very tall men kindly bent down to my level
Dazzling smiles all, requesting how may they continue
I scratched my head, wiped the dirt off my face, shook my clothes

First things first, guys, I demanded, which way are the showers?
At that they all roared laughter, so loudly, it hurt my ears
Which way are the showers? They laughed and laughed more

One angel, raised his hand, laughing hard, sweeping right
My eyes looked up at his, tracking his directive to behold
Jesus Himself was laughing, waiting for me, clean towel in Hand


Denny Lyon
Copyright 12 July 2008
All Rights Reserved

Coffee Photo by once and future @ flickr

Have a great weekend, everyone; stay safe! Thanks for visiting!

Blender, Ice cream, coffee shake, coffee Recipes, poetry, New Orleans, Food, Cooking, Home, CC, Christian, Bible, Jesus, Cook, Denny Lyon, The Social Poets, Flinging Dirt, angels, humor

Libations Friday! 29 May 2009

An Expresso Cocktail and a Dragon Poem for today!

Photo by once and future @ flickr

Welcome to Libations Friday!

For the coffee recipe today we have a spiked tall hot coffee.



Photo of similar coffee drink from Food Network

Denny's Expresso Cocktail

Ingredients:

Freshly made Expresso (diluted by half with hot boiling water, like in Italy when they give you their version of American coffee they dilute it by half with hot water, still very strong)

½ shot Tia Maria coffee liqueur

½ shot orange vodka or Cointreau
(French brand: Grey Goose Orange Vodka, bottled in the Cognac region of France)

Heavy cream

Directions:

Make sure this is a heat proof glass coffee mug like for Irish coffee. First pour in the coffee liqueur and the vodka or Cointreau (I prefer the Cointreau; my husband likes the vodka). Top off with unsweetened hot expresso. Now float a little or a lot of whipped cream on top. Serve hot to satisfied friends! This recipe is for one serving.

And on to the poetry portion of Libations Friday!



(Photo by wili_hybrid @ flickr of a dragon in Slovenia)

From Denny: What is it with humanity's fascination with winged beings, be they angel or dragon? In an online writing group there was a challenge to write about dragons. What fun! Everyone wrote about dragons as evil vicious beasts as from the Western mythology.

Well, I spent high school in the Orient where the mythology is far different, Chinese mythology, that is. Come on; it seemed every time I turned around there was a street festival with the lion and dragon dances performed for good luck and prosperity!

There in Taiwan the dragons are revered and considered an archetype for primordial creation itself. Blue dragons in particular were the bringers of fertility to the land to help mankind’s harvest. So, the online writing group challenged me to write about the good dragons!

As I started writing, it was evident I could do more with this little vignette, like parlay this into a book later. This scene is not complete but will give you an idea of the Asian dragons. Enjoy the little fantasy prose. What will you write about your dragons?



(Photo by LadyAmada @ flickr)

Primordial Dragon

An Angel appeared at my door, cloaked in midnight dark dress
Summoning me into The Presence, who would say No?
As I walked outside an eclipse was slowly advancing into place
The eclipse was eerie; uncomfortable, I wished to hide
I balked at leaving my home while the eclipse was in the sky
Pleading the Angel to wait, maybe it’s wise to go after a while?
The Angel sternly, No, now is the auspicious Time to travel
For we are in the Realm of Knowledge who waits in secret dark
Here we travel within the hidden Library to our destiny long planned



As our long walk ended, revealed was a vast smooth speaking lake
At the water’s edge standing two blue water dragons easily tethered
They furiously pawed the ground, their large claws spreading dirt
They said they were busy seeding for humanity’s harvest year next
Apprentices they were to the feared primordial dragon clan
Half grown, young skin shining royal blue in the quiet land
The Angel untied them, climbed onto his, behind the large boney head
My dragon advanced toward me, in fear I stepped back, wanting none
He lowered his glowing eyes to the ground, knelt down on all fours
I mustered my courage, climbed on to the seat he provided, to ride



(Photo by tehusagent @ flickr)



The young joyful dragons arched up, pulling their wings to spread wide
Dust stirred up high in swirls all around us as the dragons gathered wind
Their huge arched scaly wings beat the air stronger, faster, some more
When they jumped off the land they were standing, into the air we flew
The force was so strong I gasped for breath, he caught me in time, he knew
Patted a front claw to the top of my head to hold me from falling, yes, gently
Poised carefully, hovering balanced that sharp claw while we gracefully flew
Soon I relaxed on his neck, enjoying the wind rushing by, more confidence grew



Denny Lyon
Copyright 8 July 2008
All Rights Reserved

Thanks for visiting! Have a good weekend, everyone!

Libations Friday! 24 April 2009

From Denny: The Fridays keep rolling on! Can you tell it’s been 87-degrees F. the past week here in Louisiana? My mind is definitely on those tall cold drinks! This one reminds me of when I lived in Vienna, Austria a while back and the Hungarian culture and cooking influences on the local Austrians.

From the very popular site: recipes.lovetoknow.com

Image by R. J. Malfalfa via Flickr

Photo of Sunset over coffee fields in Hawaii

Hungarian Caffe

Ingredients:

pint of very strong black coffee

A few drops of almond extract

2 well beaten eggs

2 tablespoons of sugar

4 tablespoons of thick cream

1 cup of sweetened whipped cream

1 quart of ice cold effervescent water

1 pint of shaved ice

Directions: Flavor the coffee with almond extract. Strain and place in the double boiler. At the boiling point, add the eggs, sugar, and thick cream. Cook only until the custard coats the back of the spoon. When perfectly cold, fold in a cup of sweetened whipped cream. Add a quart of ice cold effervescent water and a pint of shaved ice. Serve in tall sherbet glasses.

Another recipe from recipes.lovetoknow.com

Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans

Here's an incredibly easy recipe even the novice cook can master and be proud!

Ingredients:

1/3 cup roasted coffee beans

1/2 cup chocolate chips

Easy Directions: Melt the chocolate chips, either in a microwave or in a double boiler, until smooth. Add several coffee beans to the melted chocolate, stirring until beans are completely coated with chocolate. Remove beans from chocolate and place on wax paper to harden. Repeat with remaining coffee beans. Freeze in a single layer for 30 minutes or leave at room temperature overnight. Store coffee beans in an airtight container.


*** POEM ***

Speaking of hot weather, here’s a poem I wrote last July 2008. Sometimes I paint my insights, sometimes I journal my dreams and, sometimes, those spiritual visions become poetry.

Since I wrote this poem I ran across a health study (which I placed on my health blog, The Healing Waters, go here) about how friendship helps boost your immune system to overcome disease and give us longer life. That new validation dovetails nicely into this poem about the offering of friendship among strangers.

Comments: And, yes, you are welcome to comment upon anything on this blog, including my poetry. I buried perfection a long time ago, preferring to live out loud - and happy!



The Long Road

I was walking along a narrow long road
It stretched dry dirt, winding horizon bound
Few canopy shade-welcoming trees there were
The hot sun stared down unrelentingly, glaring

Many people there were up ahead in the long distance
I squinted my eyes to see better and saw countless advancing
Why was I walking alone with so many far forward?
I wondered out loud. Why won’t they slow down?
I complained inside. Don’t they see me, hear my steps?
I mourned deeply low, hoping no one could hear my cry

I pushed on, focused my thoughts long and deep
I walked along in contemplative self-absorption
I pondered the meaning of life so disconnected, alone

When suddenly it occurred to me to a gentle stop come
The thought tugged at me to turn around, look behind
There in the sweltering distance, a few stragglers like me
Following behind them a large crowd distant orbit, far away

Waited and waited some more I did, those few to catch up, see me
Gasping for breath, with hard effort they coughed their thanks effusively
Lightheartedly we wiled away the hours; we laughed and laughed, talked more
When, all at once, they quickly tired, melted away, a little roadside, veered off

Sitting down, enjoyed they long rest; traveling beyond the hot road continued me
They waved smiling, content goodbye; pieces, my heart, left abiding with theirs
Again alone on the road I began to mull over, lingering visit I weighed
The day grew longer, hotter, more difficult to endure, yet journeyed I

Changing focus out of reverie, scouting the people far before me
I looked up to find, abruptly, stopped square in my path, one man standing
His eyes were sparkling, his attention riveted eagerly upon mine
Who are you? I asked startled, surprised, this sudden company of one

His deliberate smile widening, he carefully spoke,
It was now my time to stop, slow down to meet you


Denny Lyon
Copyright 18 July 2008
All Rights Reserved

Photo by once and future @ flickr

Video: The Worst ‘So-Called’ Healthy Foods

From Denny: Boy! This video is a real eye-opener on how much we consumers get misled on our food choices. I knew a lot of this but not all, especially when they compared a veggie sandwich as the same in calories as a 32 ounce steak.

We all know that restaurant portions are too large and too caloric. Take a look at what have been masquerading as healthy when clearly they are not.

And I just had to post this when it's lunch time...! :)

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Libations Friday! 3 April 2009

Image by ahisgett via Flickr

From Denny: OK, I am seriously on a happy high! Just found the coolest group of videos to demonstrate how to make Spanish Coffee from a resort in Cancun. Of course, the server is phenomenal in his presentation – or should I say - magic act. We are left wondering if there was a fire extinguisher off camera…

First the recipe from iNeedCoffee.com by Marketman.

Spanish Coffee (also called Mayan or Flaming Coffee)

Ingredients:

A shot of Rum

A shot of Brandy

Coffee

A dash of cinnamon and nutmeg

Sugar

Heavy cream

Tablespoon of Kahlua

Lime wedge

Whole orange for pouring Brandy


Directions from Marketman: Some preparation is necessary. An un-ripened orange is peeled in a corkscrew fashion. Glass mugs are used for the coffee, and prepared by being dipped first in lime wedges, and then in sugar, to coat the rims. An ounce of Rum is added to each mug.

An ounce of Brandy is added to each glass next, but not without a show. The Brandy is added to one of two stainless-steel pouring containers. The Brandy is then lit on fire. The flaming alcohol is poured back and forth several times, and then distributed in equal amounts to each of the coffee mugs. The other half of the flaming Brandy is saved for later. A mixture of cinnamon and nutmeg are then shaken into each container, which causes sparks to fly from the still-flaming brandy. Coffee is then poured into each mug, which should extinguish the flames. A spoonful of heavy cream is then added to each container.

The remaining Brandy goes on last, but not without another fiery show. The remaining flaming Brandy is now poured down and around the corkscrew of the orange that was peeled in the first stage. Cut-up lime wedges are then placed on each serving plate.

The mugs are then placed on the serving plates with the lime wedges. A flaming tablespoon of Kahlua is set on top of each drink. Finally, the lime wedge is squeezed onto the flame just before serving, aggravating and then extinguishing the final flame just before consumption.

Now for the videos at iNeedCoffee.com – these guys are really something!

Note: I had to load today's post in reverse, so hopefully all will show up on time and in the right order. Apparently, Blogger can't handle 4 videos' codes in one post, sigh...

Libations Friday! 27 March 2009

From Denny: To wind down your work week, here are some funny photos and art work, a funny coffee prayer, a coffee poem, and yet another coffee recipe with chocolate ice cream.

I love chocolate ice cream and right now it’s a pollen-filled Spring time in Louisiana while Colorado gets stacked up with snow! Hang the pollen; eat ice cream! It’s the weekend. And I’ve got pollen head right now and just can’t be too serious. I knew pollen was good for something; now I know…

***

From INeedCoffee.com comes a funny from Todd Zapoli:



There is also The Falling Dream cartoon site to check for smiles.

Then there is Bad Bob's Screaming Man on Coffee graphics if you haven't seen them yet or wanted to know who was the artist.



***

Now for the new coffee recipe from VolcanicaCoffee.com!

Mocha Cinnamon Shake

Ingredients:

1 cup brewed gourmet coffee at room temperature

1 cup chocolate ice cream

1 cup milk

1 cup crushed ice

2 cinnamon sticks

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon


Directions: Combine the gourmet coffee, ice cream, milk and crushed ice in a blender. Blend it until it is all combined and serve. Pour into two mugs and add cinnamon sticks. Makes 2 servings.

***

Now for an amusing prayer by Anonymous:

The Coffee Prayer

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.

It maketh me to wake in green pastures:

It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.

It restoreth my buzz:

It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,

I will fear no Equal (sugar substitute):

For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.

Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Juan Valdez:

Thou annointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.

Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life: and

I will dwell in the House of ....... for ever.

***

Coffee Quote and Poem from CocoaJava.com

*** Nancy Astor: "If I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee."

Sir Winston Churchill: "And if I were your husband, I would drink it." ***

***

From Denny: And since I live in Louisiana, and it’s been raining like a flood lately, here is a poem from the French Quarter in New Orleans where he really has captured the coffee moment in the culture:



Photo by ercwttnn @ flickr

Stopped for a cup in the French Quarter

The ceiling fan above me twirls languidly, dangling…

swaying from the embossed tin ceiling from a century ago

loping shadows cut the muted fluorescence from twelve feet

The resulting flickering makes the scene into a silent movie

piped-in, ancient, scratchy, re-mastered piano jazz heightens

the noirish ease of an afternoon latte, a cloudy, dreary

day in the old part of the old town; caffeinated history

real and imagined, sip after black and white sip

Rain begins to pelt the arching, aching windows as I reach the

bottom of my cup and a dreamer, coffee drinker’s dilemma;

sit for another cup, watching the time and life brew, or

head on out into the rain with a self-promise to return

Unlike the movies, such an answer is not black and white,

simply a compromised black; a cup of French Roast – to go.

And go I do, stepping onto the cobblestoned street, right hand

warmed by the cup, left hand in my pocket, rain dribbling off

the flattened out brim of my hat, I take a steamy sip, and smile.

By Mark Lucker

(Mark is a writer, employment counsleor and coffee junkie!)

Check out the other coffee poems at this site!