From Denny: Here's your Monday roundup of late night comics' joke quotes! Start your work week with a chuckle.
The Late Late Show
Craig Ferguson: [Former President Bill Clinton and the two American journalists] landed in L.A. this morning, and it is quite a contrast between North Korea and L.A. One's a cruel place filled with soulless people who are despised by most Americans, and of course, the other one is North Korea.
The Late Late Show
Craig Ferguson: After the [two detained journalists] landed, Al Gore gave a speech. I don't want to say that Al went on too long, but halfway through, the women asked to be sent back to prison.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Jimmy Kimmel: Kim Jong Il gave the [U.S. journalists] a special pardon, and in return, he got 20 pairs of Hillary [Clinton]'s pantsuits. So a little something to spruce up his wardrobe.
The Tonight Show
Conan O'Brien: Computer hackers managed to shut down Twitter and my favorite, Facebook, for several hours. In a related story yesterday, American productivity jumped by 159 percent.
The Daily Show
Jon Stewart: Cash for Clunkers. I just figured out how to solve Medicare. [Graphic over shoulder says Greenbacks for Grannies.] Sorry, Grandma, but "New Grandma" can speed walk.