30 June 2010

Funny Smile Quotes - Cheeky Quote Day - 30 June 2010

*** Enjoy smiling at funny smile quotes and the funny photography!





From Denny: With all the negativity swirling around us, the depressing national conversation about the BP Gulf oil spill, we need relief. What could take our minds off all the nagging news than to talk about smiling?

Even the ancient Taoists taught about The Inner Smile to relieve tension, stress, and build up our immune systems.

Take a moment, read a little, think good thoughts and refresh yourself and enjoy the funny photographers over at flickr!


Quotes


* Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. - Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

* A smile confuses an approaching frown. - Anonymous

* People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile. - Lee Mildon

* A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. - Phyllis Diller

* Smile. Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over. - Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997

* The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. - Anonymous

* Start every day with a smile and get it over with. - W.C. Fields

* Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available. - Jim Beggs

* A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. - Charles Gordy

* Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. - Mark Twain, Following the Equator

* The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. - William Shakespeare, Othello





* A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home. - Anonymous

* If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. - Andy Rooney

* If you smile at someone, they might smile back. - Anonymous

* Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it. - Anonymous





* Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile. - Anonymous

* Everyone smiles in the same language. - Anonymous

* If you don't have a smile, I'll give you one of mine. - Anonymous

* I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful. - Anonymous

* Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. - George Eliot

* She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket. - Raymond Chandler





* Smiling is infectious,
You can catch it like the flu.
Someone smiled at me today,
And I started smiling too.
- Anonymous

* A smile appeared upon her face as if she'd taken it directly from her handbag and pinned it there. - Loma Chandler

* A laugh is a smile that bursts. - Mary H. Waldrip

* Smile - sunshine is good for your teeth. - Anonymous

* The shortest distance between two people is a smile. - Anonymous

* If you don't start out the day with a smile, it's not too late to start practicing for tomorrow. - Anonymous





* Smiling is my favorite exercise. - Anonymous

* I have a tickle in my brain. And it keeps making the corners of my mouth point toward the heavens. - Jeb Dickerson, www.howtomatter.com

* Wear a smile - one size fits all. - Anonymous

* No matter how grouchy you're feeling,
You'll find the smile more or less healing.
It grows in a wreath
All around the front teeth -
Thus preserving the face from congealing.
- Anthony Euwer

* Every day you spend without a smile, is a lost day. - Anonymous

* Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. - Mother Teresa

* A friendly look, a kindly smile, one good act, and life's worthwhile. - Anonymous

* A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles. - Washington Irving

* Beauty is power; a smile is its sword. - Charles Reade

* A smile is the universal welcome. - Max Eastman

* Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to. - Anonymous

* You're never fully dressed without a smile. - Martin Charnin





* A smile can brighten the darkest day. - Anonymous

* It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown. - Anonymous

* Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important. - Janet Lane

* All the statistics in the world can't measure the warmth of a smile. - Chris Hart

* If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile. - Anonymous

* Smile - it increases your face value. - Anonymous

* Peace begins with a smile. - Mother Teresa

* A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it. ~Author Unknown

* Most smiles are started by another smile. - Anonymous

* A smile is something you can't give away; it always comes back to you. - Anonymous





* A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. - Anonymous

* It takes a lot of work from the face to let out a smile, but just think what good smiling can bring to the most important muscle of the body... the heart. - Anonymous

* A smile is the universal welcome. - Max Eastman

* A warm smile is the universal language of kindness. - William Arthur Ward

* Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful. - Thich Nhat Hanh

* Don't cry for a man who has left you, the next one may fall for your smile. - Mae West

* If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers. - Maya Angelou

* If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. - Andy Rooney

* It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown. - Anonymous
I guess I'm lazy 'cause I go for just the 17... :)

* Wear a smile. One size fits all. - Anonymous





Photo Credits

You are never fully dressed without a smile photo by serendipity @ flickr

Smile and the whole world smiles with you boy against white flowers photo by Zanastardust @ flickr

Smiling white-faced dog by Rennett Stowe @ flickr

Funny pink heart glasses smile by Pink Sherbet Photography @ flickr

Little girl in yellow giggling by MelvinSchlubman @ flickr

Funny Bozo nose smile by pulguita @ flickr

Smile food plate by the_moment @ flickr

Underwater smile by Jonf728 @ flickr

Funny smiling cat by [puamelia] @ flickr



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29 June 2010

American Revolt: How You Can Break Big Business, Big Banks, Big Insurance, Big Oil, Big Lobbyists

*** What you can do to break the yoke of Big Business, Big Banks, Big Insurance and Big Oil off your middle class necks.





From Denny: Are you disgusted with your Big Bank credit card company jamming you up with outrageous minimum payment demands, feeing you to death and playing games with variable high interest rates without recourse or punishment for their actions?

Are you fed up with the financial sector Wall Street hyenas' artificially inflated prices at the gas pump?

Are you furious that Big Insurance keeps hiking up your health care premiums and other insurance products?

Are you in a rage that Big Business lobbyists for Big Banks, Big Insurance and Big Oil have a stranglehold on our government?

Are you unemployed and furious that Big Business lobbyists went to great lengths to deny you unemployment benefits extensions to pay your bills and put food on the table because they were too cheap to pay their portion of the benefits?

Want to have the power to do something about it?







Denny's Think Tank and Muffin Monday

Denny's Think Tank, currently comprised of just two people and four Hurricane Katrina cats at our house - however, we are extending free membership to all my dear readers of all 14 blogs - well, we have been busy on the problem and come up with the solution. We like to "solve all the problems of the world" at our house every morning over coffee.

Good ideas seem to evolve from one small act. That small act of mine, as a blogger, began with Muffin Monday recipe segments on the food blogs: Romancing The Chocolate, Unusual 2 Tasty and Comfort Food From Louisiana.

I like muffins. Who doesn't? It's practically unpatriotic not to like muffins. Muffins are easy to make for beginner bakers. Muffins are popular in America, and, as a blogger, I was looking for non-copyright released recipes I could publish easily. Researching there was found a treasure trove of good recipes, ones tweaked - and therefore changed from the originals - from what I realized had been previous Gourmet, Epicurious, Food and Wine and Bon Appetit recipes from the past 20 years. Yes, foodies read too many glossy magazines. It must be the awesome photos. :)

The treasure trove of good recipes was found at various bed and breakfast inn sites so I decided how cool it would be to do more than provide a courtesy link to their business but rather to start promoting them because they are small businesses.

Big Business has run so many small businesses out of business the past 20 years that America has become this boring homogenized vast wasteland of mediocre choices. I've watched wonderful local colorful grocery stores, pharmacies, hardware stores, restaurants and clothing stores all get broken by Big Business just in my area.







Ruthless Big Business continues to break small businesses

The one exception I have to say that behaves better for Big Business is the Whole Foods grocery chain. When they came to Baton Rouge, Louisiana they took a look at the surrounding Mom and Pop grocery stores and did not undercut their prices on matching products they carried. Whole Foods also supports the local farmers and buys up all the fruits, nuts, vegetables and meats they can produce. I'm sure they are not perfect but at least they make a conscious effort not to cause bad economic ripples in the community where they plant themselves.

That said, the vast majority of Big Business is ruthless. Lately, they have gotten just too ruthless by sending thousands of jobs overseas after receiving taxpayer government monies. (That was General Motors, folks, who took our money and then cut 5,000 jobs that went overseas this year.) Big Business continues to think they can cut thousands of jobs, send them overseas and yet there will be people left in our country who can afford to buy their products. What kind of logic is this? The only answer is unadulterated greed - and a CEO who wants to make his quarterly BOB: Big Obscene Bonus.







What you can do to break Big Business

We Americans continue to grouse, complain and outright bitch to our political representatives and the courts only to be lied to, taken advantage of and denied fairness and justice. So, what is a self-respecting American and rabble rouser to do to gain back their power in their own country? Easy. Support ONLY small businesses like these bed and breakfast inns whenever you travel for business or pleasure. Their prices are comparable to Big Business hotel chains and so are the amenities, local attractions and shopping.

The beauty of this strategy of supporting bed and breakfast inns over Big Business hotels is that Big Banks and Big Insurance finance the mortgages on these Big Business hotels. Right now commercial real estate has taken a nose dive, hence, the reason the Big Banks took bailouts from the American taxpayers. In fact, the Big Banks unloaded all their toxic assets - like foreclosed homes and small businesses - onto and for the American government to absorb - in addition to taking billions of dollars plunked down onto their profit line.


World leader fools, minus Obama, from the G20 Meeting who are bankrupting the world economy by rejecting the governmental Spend Money economic model:






Frustration with American politicians

Big Business controls our government on so many levels. We are reduced to waiting for each election cycle in the hopes of throwing out the corrupt politicians. Yet, at the end of the day, the Big Business lobbyists continue to do business in Washington, ignoring the voters' wishes and now desperate needs.

Achilles Heels of Big Business, Big Banks, Big Insurance, Big Oil and Big Lobbyists

The one weakness these powerful behemoths have in common is us. If we all - or at least 15 percent of the country - refuse to do business with them it will destroy their businesses. Most huge companies run on about a two percent to 15 percent profit margin to stay in business. Surprising, isn't it? Auto dealers run on a two percent profit margin. It's the manufacturers who screw them over as small businesses so they pass it on to screw over the customers. It's an ugly cycle.

Facebook BP Protesters Succeeded

Over 300,000 people banned together on Facebook to protest BP gas stations, refusing to buy their product. In my town where we have an Exxon oil refinery, the price of gas is outrageous. BP's prices are often as much as 75 cents higher than Exxon and Shell. People say by protesting BP gas stations you are hurting the American owners. I say, "You lie down with dogs you get fleas." It's time for people to make a choice if they will be truly patriotic and do what helps all of America or keep choosing their profit wallets over the dire straits of the economy.

These BP protesters succeeded in driving down the value of BP's stock to half of what it had been before the oil spill. If we support small businesses and shut out Big Businesses as much as possible we can break their high stock values as well. Think of all the Walmarts that drove out dozens of small businesses.

Originally, from the 30 year old model, Big Businesses like Walmart were supposed to offer better prices to American shoppers. But, over time, those prices have risen and poor quality products from child labor and prisoner inmate labor countries have flooded our markets. The Chinese use prison laborers and give us toxic lead paint toys. India uses child labor to produce rugs and clothing. Meanwhile, our textile factories across America close and thousands of people lost their jobs.







Hope is still here if only we will act and take back our power

The sad stories are endless. But, so also is Hope: endless. We can change things in this country if enough of us will band together and use our power as consumers to break all the Big Businesses. You break the Big Businesses - and the Big Banks who finance them also fall with them. When the Big Business and Big Banks fall then so too do the Big Lobbyists with no one to pay them outrageous money to hijack our government with economic terrorism.

Break Big Banks by moving your checking accounts to small and medium sized banks

Another way to break Big Banks is to move your checking accounts to federal credit unions and other regional and local medium and small sized banks. Only Big Banks get the best interest rates and then they jack up their prices and lend to the medium and small banks, virtually holding them hostage.

So why does the Federal Reserve not give the same great interest prices to the small and medium sized banks? The Fed remains quiet on that one and has in every administration. There is no excuse for it. Big Banks continue to hold a monopoly in our country, strangling the economy with their greedy and unwise practices.

Small Business Employs most of America

Remember, the statistics tell us that somewhere between 70 to 80 percent of Americans work for small businesses. Small businesses also keep the jobs here in America unlike the Big Businesses. It's time to run Big Businesses out of business or succeed in breaking them up into smaller less damaging entities.

Either way the American consumer wins because the small businesses will get more business and have to start hiring the unemployed. Hiring the unemployed will jump start our economy. It will make it possible to rebuild America into a thriving economy. We will no longer be co-dependent upon the whims of Big Business and our corrupt corporate-loving politicians who fawn at their arrogant diva feet.

Join the American Revolt Against Big Business

Quit waiting for everyone in Washington to grow a conscience. Take back your power, America. Join the American Revolt to shut out Big Business today!

(Join the American Revolt Against Big Business and Denny's Think Tank by leaving your name and a website link in the comment box.)


*** Tattered flag photo by Beverly & Pack @ flickr


*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

*** Come by for a visit and check out my other blogs:

The Social Poets
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28 June 2010

Roundup of Late Night Funnies: BP Oil Spill, McChrystal Firing - 28 June 2010

*** Catch up on the latest funny jokes and funny videos from Colbert and Stewart and the late night comics along with the newest political cartoons.





From Denny: For those of us who know cats I'd definitely put General McChrystal in the Siamese category. Siamese cats like to talk all the time. They also like to bitch loudly and complain often. They are naturally aggressive and can be dangerous. They were originally bred to guard the city walls by jumping onto the backs of trespassers to snap the neck vertebrae. Sweet little kitty, come here...

The General McChrystal Firing

Meanwhile, Colbert wildly lampoons McChrystal and wonders out loud if the guy was as high as Keith Richards, another rolling stone. Some cartoonists called McChrystal a rolling stone, depicting him rolling down from Capitol Hill and the White House at a fast pace.

While I'm fine with heated disagreements I'm not fine with nasty immature attitude and reckless out of control behavior and illogical decisions that costs the lives of men in the field. I don't suffer fools gladly and this general was one serious fool. He's lucky he gets to retire as a four star general because he should be demoted. Demotion is a lot less painful than a court martial and he knows it.

Stewart and Colbert make jest of the Rolling Stone interview, especially when Stewart talks about how the other journalists - who did not gain such unprecedented access - sounded off. Actual news clips sealed his argument.

President Bill Clinton CNN interview

Of course, as the national conversation we cannot get away from the BP oil spill. Just today in a CNN interview with Wolf Blitzer in South Africa, former President Bill Clinton is advocating blowing up the well head. Well, at least he says you don't need a nuke to do it. With the planet erupting with earthquakes all over world right now, several large ones per week along the continental plates, I'm not voting for that option at this time. Enough damage has been done at the moment. Why trigger any earthquakes near America?

Mr. President, Help Louisiana Plaquemines Parish President Nungesser

Let's see where the current options take us and how well the clean-up effort progresses. Hint to the White House: Enlarge the scale of the clean-up as too much is still reaching the Louisiana marshes. Help out Parish President Billy Nungesser in Plaquemines Parish and get him some real skimmer boats to do the work instead of this makeshift shop vacuums he is using out of desperation and Cajun ingenuity. The people of Louisiana feel the President and BP are not doing all they can to get them the equipment they need to fight this oil spill, especially in the marshes and on the beaches.

Republicans continue to mock President Obama with nutjob warped comments

The Republicans continue to try and paint Obama's decision to create the escrow BP claims fund as extortion and unconstitutional. Read my lips. I don't care. The President did the right thing in an emergency situation. By allowing BP to fund it at $5 billion per year, they get to stay in business in order to be able to pay the claims. The reason Gulf Coast people are so frustrated is because of the disorganization and lack of scale for the clean up.

Cleaning up the BP oil spill off Louisiana

Our government can do a lot more and faster. Pay for what needs to be done and send BP the bill. By the way, how about procuring the past two years' worth of oil royalties that was supposed to be paid to Louisiana? Senator Landrieu tried to get Congress to take her seriously years earlier in building barrier islands off Louisiana shores for just this contingency of an oil spill and to prevent hurricane damage. Her pleas were ignored. Had Louisiana collected their oil royalties as promised two years ago, and never funded, we could have started building those barrier islands on our own.

Time to lift the oil drilling moratorium because it's strangling the American economy

This six month moratorium on deep water oil drilling may need to be lifted this month, Mr. President. While I'm loathe to lift it until safety protocols are better established and safety inspections done on all 4,000 rigs in the Gulf, well, the American economy is too fragile to continue. Already, the stopped economy has crept up into the capital city Baton Rouge area like a malaise and we are an eight hour drive from the Louisiana coast. A significantly slowed economy is spreading.

Think about it. When we slapped a moratorium on the Gulf Coast we basically screwed ourselves. Over 300,000 people were thrown out of work instantly. The national economy is not strong enough to absorb this kind of job loss. The Gulf Coast is losing over $330 million a month. Again, the American economy can't take this kind of hit. You also have to consider the fact that if this oil drilling stops any longer the price of oil will skyrocket at the pump thanks to our greedy Wall Street "friends." The rest of the country can't handle any more price hikes on anything.

Whether thousands of oil workers will migrate to Brazil is questionable. The deal is that out of all the places in the world to drill for oil, right here in the Gulf of Mexico, off American shores, is the largest deposit in the world. There is enough there to sustain us for quite some time.

Aggressive push for alternative energy

Of course, we will be revisiting alternative energy yet again in another generation. I'd really rather we get serious and start ramming the obstacles from the Republicans and Big Business and push through projects for America's energy grid. As it is, NASA has its OMEGA project of algae ocean farms that can create biofuel. That algae fuel can be used for aviation fuel, maybe car engines as well. But, of course, the oil industry has blocked their bids and denounced it as an inferior project. Yeah, right.

Time to get tough and push the new energy because it's going to take decades to get it all up to the level we need to sustain the country. This oil spill was an odd blessing because it is a wake up call to change our type and amount of energy consumption. This is where the government can create jobs at a rapid pace, transitioning thousands of the unemployed.

Fortunately, for all of us, relieving anxiety and stress, there are the late night comics who make jest of the oil spill situation. And Colbert and Stewart are just icing on the cake for added sweetness. I do enjoy British comic John Oliver too as you never know what he will say next! He will get you laughing so much you fall off your chair.


Only Colbert can so righteously "tell it like it is" - McChrystal's clearly been hitting that sweet Afghani heroin. Because you would have to be higher than Keith Richards to criticize your commander-in-chief at a time of war in front of a reporter from Rolling Stone. – Stephen Colbert on General Stanley McChrystal


Funny Videos of the week:


Funny Video: Colbert Lampoons Barton's BP Apology

Funny Video: Stewart Nails Republicans As Flip-Floppers On BP Escrow Fund

Funny Video: Colbert Says McChrystal Had To Have Been High

Funny Video: Stewart Lampoons McChrystal's Balls For An Honorable Discharge








From Jay Leno:


Well, folks, you knew it was going to happen. It was inevitable. It happened today. General Stanley McChrystal cancelled his subscription to Rolling Stone.

As you know by now, General McChrystal was summoned to the White House to explain derogatory comments he made about meeting President Obama. He told Rolling Stone magazine, when he first the President, it felt like a ten-minute photo op, to which Joe Biden said, 'Wow, you got ten minutes! What was it like?'

And it doesn't stop there. After the Rolling Stone incident, today, Obama summoned Justin Bieber to the White House for some comments he made about the President in the latest issue of Tiger Beat magazine.

Mexico has filed a brief in U.S. Federal court to stop Arizona's new immigration law. And while they're at it, they also asked the court to stop Taco Bell from calling itself Mexican food.







General McChrystal was relieved of his duties because of derogatory comments he made about President Obama and other White House staffers. In fact, when he heard that, Joe Biden was shocked and said, 'What? You can get fired for saying something stupid? What? When'd they start that? Is that new?'

President Obama said today, although he admires McChrystal's service and dedication to his country, he said, 'You don't criticize your bosses.' Okay, that's the same reason President Obama never says anything bad about the Chinese.

So, the bad news for McChrystal is he got fired for insulting the President. But the good news is, Fox said, 'We'll hire him.'

Actually, McChrystal now saying it was all a misunderstanding. He said he did make the comments in Rolling Stone but they forgot to add the 'LOL.'

The city of Los Angeles now rethinking its boycott of Arizona because the city's red light cameras are all owned by an Arizona-based company. See, red lights and speed cameras are a big source of revenue for the city. And the boycott of Arizona could mean no more red lights, no more cameras, no more tickets. I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

Tough times for relationships. Al and Tipper Gore splitting up. The bachelor couple, Jake and Vienna, they're done. Now, President Obama and General McChrystal — they're on the rocks.

Due to an explosive interview in Rolling Stone magazine, our top commander in Afghanistan, Gen. Stanley McChrystal, has been ordered home to explain why he criticized the president, made fun of Joe Biden, and called the White House staff a bunch of clowns. He should be called home. That's not the general's job. That is my job.

Well, folks, Sarah Palin has admitted she tried marijuana several years ago, but she did not like it. She said it distorted her perceptions, impaired her thinking, and she's hoping that the effects will eventually wear off.

And economists predict by this time next year, China will overtake the United States as the No. 1 country in manufacturing. But you know something, we have only ourselves to blame for this. I mean, what were we thinking — making our kids go to school? What idiots we are! Child labor, that's the key!

Because of the success of 'Toy Story 3,' Pixar is now rushing ahead with its plans to do a sequel to one of its most popular movies, presented by BP. It's BP presents 'Try Finding Nemo Now.'

Tony Hayward on a yacht. Where are the Somali pirates when you need them?

President Obama, oh, when he heard this, oh, he was furious. President Obama got so mad, he almost couldn't finish his round of golf. That's how bad it was.

Well, actually, I tell you, I think it's hurting him. President Obama is losing support from his own party over the way he's handling this BP situation. You want to know how bad it is, today, Jimmy Carter compared him to Jimmy Carter.

Sarah Palin has revealed she has tried marijuana, but she did not like it. You know, it's amazing: 200 million Americans have smoked marijuana. The only ones who don't like it seem to be elected officials. Ever notice that?

I bet that's what John McCain was smoking when he picked her. It all makes sense now. Of course!







Oh, and how stupid is this. You know, this state is so broke, they're just trying to make money any way they can. California lawmakers — this is real — are now considering a bill to allow electronic license plate frames on vehicles that will flash digital commercials. Who is this for? People who want something else to read while driving and texting?

A congressman actually apologized to BP's CEO for the way the company has been treated. How stupid are you when the CEO of BP is in the room and people think you're the moron?

To be fair, it's not easy for a lot of these congressmen. It's got to be hard to bite the hand that bribes you.

It was the 36th anniversary of the Watergate scandal, when the Republicans broke into the Democratic headquarters looking for their long-term plans and strategies. It also marks the last time anyone thought the Democrats had a plan worth stealing.

Well, the big story, President Obama will set aside $20 billion to pay the victims of the oil spill in the Gulf. Well, that is good news. The bad news — it still comes out to less than, like, a dollar a gallon.

These British Petroleum guys can't do anything right. The chairman of BP, Carl-Henric Svanberg, told reporters that sometimes large oil companies are greedy and don't care, but 'not BP. We care about the small people.' That's what he called the residents of the Gulf — 'the small people.' But to be fair, English is not the guy's first language. Money is.

See, the problem is I do believe they care about the small people. Problem is, they don't care about the big leak.

Tony Hayward. You read about this guy? He's a little weasel guy. Well, he was testifying before — why do they even call it testifying? Testi-lying, that's what it was.

Well, the sad part is, environmentalists say if this leak continues unabated, some species might become endangered, like Democrats.

And now the other oil companies are turning on BP While testifying in Washington this week, Exxon executives blamed the Gulf oil spill on lapses by BP See, that's when you know things are bad, when Exxon is lecturing you on oil safety, huh? That's like Heidi Montag saying, 'Just be yourself.'







From David Letterman:


Congressmen have been saying from the beginning that BP is either lying or grossly incompetent. Well, why can't we have both?

President Obama is in a tough spot because he fired Gen. McChrystal and right away, the Republicans blamed him for increasing unemployment.

You know about the big change in Afghanistan? General McChrystal did an interview in Rolling Stone and he was talking about how much he didn't like Joe Biden. He was talking about the Administration. He was trashing everybody. So President Obama calls the guy home from Afghanistan, and they had, like, a sit-down in the White House, in the Oval Office, today. It was very, very intimate. It was the President, it was General McChrystal, the Salahis, and that's it.

But the general, when he showed up, got a very chilly reception, kind of like I did when I came out here.

But the general is in trouble for shooting off his mouth. Once again, another hole Obama can't plug.

He's being replaced by General David Petraeus. And when Petraeus got news, he was so excited, he fainted again.

President Obama is being criticized now. Here's the problem. The British Petroleum guy, Tony Hayward, was on his yacht recently. Everybody thought, whoa, this idiot. I mean, the Gulf of Mexico is turning to asphalt and the British Petroleum guy is relaxing on his yacht. When he heard about that, President Obama was so angry, he missed a putt.

Now, in Obama's defense, people are saying, 'Wait a minute, the president has always had his own particular way of relaxing.' For example, George W. Bush had his way of relaxing. He was president. That's how he relaxed.

People are kind of upset with British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was out on his yacht. And when President Obama found out that Tony Hayward was on his yacht, he was so angry, he missed a putt.

In his defense, Tony twittered that the oil spill was still his top priority. And I think you know that a guy really cares when he tweets from his yacht.

Remember the Times Square bomber, Faisal Shahzad? He was in court today. And here is where the guy screwed up. He didn't count on our army of alert T-shirt vendors. And I was thinking, well, it's too bad we didn't have them in the Gulf of Mexico.

Faisal now faces a couple of charges, including attempted terrorism and conspiracy to double park.

There are rumors that the CEO of BP is saying they might go out of business. Then who will be in charge of not stopping the leak?

A couple in California got married at Home Depot. I hope they find happiness, because you can't find anything else at Home Depot.



David Letterman's "Top Ten Ways Tony Hayward Can Improve His Image" My favorites are numbers 6, 2 and definitely number 1.

10. Catch Osama
9. Contaminate waters around a country like North Korea
8. Reveal secret behind his soft and lustrous curly hair
7. Apologize on The Golf Channel
6. Shoot new BP commercial where he is viciously pecked by angry pelicans
5. Join Team Coco
4. Get a job at Poland Spring; accidentally dump a billion gallons of water into the gulf
3. Improve his image, are you kidding? He's doing great!
2. Hang out at BP station, let customers inflate his butt with air hose
1. Dial it back from "arrogant bastard" to "smug pr**k"







From Craig Ferguson:


It's a great day for former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer. He's getting his own talk show. They wanted him because they knew he could get the most out of an hour.

The new show will focus on politics and special events and everything else Spitzer wasn't doing in office.

Starting today, there is a huge rock festival in England. It is called Glastonbury. These days, every country has its own music festival. England has Glastonbury. Here, we have Lollapalooza and Coachella. In North Korea, they have the Kim Jong Ill-ith Fair.

This is the first time that two women have been on the International Space Station at the same time. That can only mean one thing: zero-gravity pillow fight." –Craig Ferguson

NASA says that there may be 100 times more water on the moon than they thought. There's so much water that BP is planning to go there and ruin it.

In Afghanistan, they have the al Qaeda Palooza. 'Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for — Kenny G-had!







From Jimmy Fallon:


The Coast Guard found a drunk man on a pool float yesterday after he drifted a mile out into the Gulf of Mexico. Authorities called the guy 'irresponsible,' while BP called him 'our best hope.'

The confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan will be shown live Monday on C-SPAN 3. You know it's going to be boring when C-SPAN 2 passes on it.

Today, President Obama fired General Stanley McChrystal, saying McChrystal showed poor judgment in his Rolling Stone interview. It turns out when it comes to criticizing the White House, the general's policy is 'just ask, and I'll tell.'

On the 'Today' show this morning, BP executive Bob Dudley said that CEO Tony Hayward is committed to BP, and BP is committed to Tony Hayward. Oh, good. Because our number one concern here is, how are you guys doing?

Larry King's oil spill telethon last night raised $1.8 million. Usually, to get that much money from Larry King, you have to divorce him.

In 2011, China will end America's 110-year run as the No. 1 manufacturing country in the world. That gives me a great idea. We should start making the one thing we know the world will always need — made in China labels.

Researchers found that most parents don't know if their preschool-aged child is overweight or obese. I think the real news here is that those are the only two options.

While the whole oil mess has been going on, President Obama spent the weekend playing golf with Vice President Biden. Biden's handicap is 16 and Obama's handicap is Biden.

"President Obama also went to the White Sox-Nationals game this weekend and actually sang 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game.' However, critics were quick to point out that while his singing sounded good, it seemed like he really didn't say anything.

And while Obama was playing golf, BP CEO Tony Hayward actually spent his weekend at a ritzy yacht race, where he watched his 52-foot yacht compete. If that's not bad enough, he was watching it from his 100-foot yacht.

It's rumored that President Obama's chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, will leave the White House at the end of the year. He says the work is important to him, but he wants to spend more time screaming at his family.

I'm not going to do any jokes about oil spill-related news, because I thought it might be nice to just pretend for a few minutes that the oil spill isn't happening. You know, kind of like BP does.

Yesterday during a press conference, BP chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg caused some controversy when he said BP cares about the 'small people.' Part of his new strategy — plug the hole by digging himself into a deeper one.

BP said that the comment was lost in transition from Svanberg's native Swedish to English. And the Americans were like, 'We get it. We've all tried to assemble something from IKEA. Apology accepted.'

Today in Washington, BP CEO Tony Hayward told members of Congress that his company is working to make sure that a spill like this does not happen again. And they have a great plan in place. They're going out of business.

While testifying before Congress yesterday, BP CEO Tony Hayward called the oil spill a 'complex accident caused by an unprecedented combination of failures.' Then he realized he was reading notes left on the stand by a Goldman Sachs executive.



And to the passing of 92 year old Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia:






From Jimmy Kimmel:


The iPhone 4 is $499 to buy outright, $199 to upgrade your existing iPhone, and if you don't want one at all, it's $99.

Sarah Palin called marijuana a 'minimal problem' in America. She admitted that she herself has tried pot, which could explain some of the things she has said over the years. It's all baked Alaska talk.


Congressional antics and posturing over Supreme Court nominees:





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Funny Video: Stewart Lampoons McChrystal's Balls For An Honorable Discharge

*** Stewart holds nothing sacred, including reporters and their opinions, feeling free to lampoon the sacred Fox News anchors who come across as absolutely vapid.




Check out hover cat...


From Denny: This is funny as Jon Stewart shows us clips of various journalists giving their opinions on how this Rolling Stone reporter got so much access. Read that as they were some jealous he came away with an astounding story that caused a lot of ripples throughout the world.

The Taliban hiding in their caves from drone attacks were probably on their cell phones trying to order up life time subscriptions to Rolling Stone Magazine. At least that's what the political cartoonists are drawing. :)

McChrystal's Balls - Honorable Discharge: The media questions Rolling Stone's access to General Stanley McChrystal, and Gretchen Carlson knows what it's like to have Obama's tough job.


The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
McChrystal's Balls - Honorable Discharge
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party




*** Return to original post: Roundup of Late Night Funnies: BP Oil Spill, McChrystal Firing - 28 June 2010


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The Social Poets
Dennys Global Politics
The Soul Calendar
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Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd

Funny Video: Colbert Says McChrystal Had To Have Been High

*** Colbert treats McChrystal like Keith Richards, one Rolling Stone to another: they are all high.





From Denny: Colbert is fascinated with Rolling Stone Magazine and the rock stars interviewed. Gen. McChrystal is no exception. Colbert admits to being a long time fan of McChrystal. He even waxes sentimental from his shoebox of bootleg albums about his favs from the McChrystal albums like the "great cover album of his cover-up of the Pat Tillman tragedy."

Another fav of Colbert's is how McChrystal is likened to a rock god. Colbert questioned the rock god McChrystal's judgment: "McChrystal's clearly been hitting that sweet Afghani heroin. Because you would have to be higher than Keith Richards to criticize your commander-in-chief at a time of war in front of a reporter from Rolling Stone."

Of course, Colbert could barely hide his awesome disappointment when his rock god McChrystal apologized for his poor judgment. What's next for the mighty fallen McChrystal? A duets album with rocker Rod Stewart? It's only a matter of time.



The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Stanley McChrystal Talks to Rolling Stone
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorFox News




*** Return to original post: Roundup of Late Night Funnies: BP Oil Spill, McChrystal Firing - 28 June 2010


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The Social Poets
Dennys Global Politics
The Soul Calendar
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Funny Video: Stewart Nails Republicans As Flip-Floppers On BP Escrow Fund

*** Republican double-speak about the BP claims fund. Jon Stewart exposes their constant lying and shows us how funny it all is!





From Denny: Talk about funny when, at the end of the clip, Stewart interviews British comic John Oliver about BP CEO Tony Hayward. It's good to the last second on this clip! :)

Joe Barton's famous shocking BP apology continues to provide fodder for comics to lampoon. It's amazing from how many different angles these guys approach the subject. Stewart included bizarre contradictory statements from Rep. Michelle Bachmann who claims President Obama is an extortionist.

Did you know there is actually something known as The Republican Study Committee? I thought these guys didn't have good reading comprehension. How in the world do they manage to study? There are 114 GOP Congressman members. All of them signed on to endorse the idiot talking point about how they think Obama was extorting private industry. Pull out the heart violins and start the music. Oh, Pah-leez!

Of course, Stewart so delicately points out that first the Republicans were for the claims fund and now they are against it. Make up your little minds, guys. They are just angry they didn't get control of the escrow funds if you ask me.



The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Day 62 - The Strife Aquatic
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party



*** Return to original post: Roundup of Late Night Funnies: BP Oil Spill, McChrystal Firing - 28 June 2010


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*** Come by for a visit and check out my other blogs:

The Social Poets
Dennys Global Politics
The Soul Calendar
Visual Insights
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Poems From A Spiritual Heart
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Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd

Funny Video: Colbert Lampoons Barton's BP Apology




*** Laugh at outrageous Colbert as he takes on the conservative outrageous crazies whining about how BP has been taken advantage of by a weak President who doesn't know his own constitution. Read that as the bullies are angry they can't push around the President.


Joe Barton's Misconstrued Misconstruction: Joe Barton apologizes for his misconstrued misconstruction, and pundits call the BP escrow account unconstitutional.

From Denny: Colbert had a field day lampooning crazy Rep. Joe Barton who infamously apologized to BP during the Congressional hearing to the shock of all America. Who is this creep? everyone asked themselves across the nation. Try this one on for size: Barton was the guy who arranged and sat in on the secret energy meetings with Cheney and Bush at the White House, allowing energy lobbyists to write policy and legislation. Now that's creepy.

Colbert also lampoons all the Republican talking heads who foolishly tried to justify Barton's apology and continued to try and define the President's $20 billion BP oil spill claims fund as a "shakedown." Read my lips, conservative freak flags, we on the Gulf Coast don't care what the President or you call it. The President did the right thing in an emergency situation and we stand behind him on that one.

Get a laugh as Colbert banters with the conservative bloated egos about what is or is not constitutional. The perverted insipid thoughts that come out of these people is sheer amazing. Not to fear; Colbert is here to squash those small mean little minds.


The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Joe Barton's Misconstrued Misconstruction
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorFox News




*** Return to original post: Roundup of Late Night Funnies: BP Oil Spill, McChrystal Firing - 28 June 2010



*** Funny cat photo by Andrew Ciscel @ flickr



*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

*** Come by for a visit and check out my other blogs:

The Social Poets
Dennys Global Politics
The Soul Calendar
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27 June 2010

Posts Roundup of Dennys Blogs - 27 June 2010

*** Check out news, political opinion - serious and funny cartoons, recipes, science and health news, poetry, funny posts, photography, spiritual thoughts and great quotes.




Cup of coffee from Brazil by il Quoquo @ flickr





The Social Poets:


Dark Humor: BP Oil Spill Cartoons - 26 June 2010

Fourth of July When Life is Simple poem - Libations Friday 25 June 2010

Pentagon Junkyard Dogs Bow to Obama Pressure

Funny Lawyer Quotes and Jokes - Cheeky Quote Day 23 June 2010

Gen. McChrystal Out For Crudely Dissing The President

Roundup of Late Night Funnies - 21 June 2010

Funny Video: Colberts The Word, Stay the Course

Funny Video: Colberts Simplified Version of Obama's BP Oil Spill Speech

Funny Video: Colbert Examines America's Strained Relationship With England

Funny Video: Stewarts Take On America's Oil Dependence

Funny Video: Stewart Calls Joe Barton A 'Disdainful A--hole'

Posts Roundup at Dennys 14 Blogs - 20 June 2010




Dennys Global Politics:


American and World Politics Cartoons - 26 June 2010

Unemployed Americans Screwed by the Republicans Again - News Headlines 24 June 2010

McChrystal as Dems Political Disaster - News Headlines - 22 June 2010





The Healing Waters:


Living Art Exhibit: Public Play at NY Times Square Pianos

Exploding Number of Young Widows in the World

Good News: Kids Sell Lemon Aid 4 Pelicans Hurt in the Gulf





Poems From A Spiritual Heart:


An Audience of One

10 Funny Posts For a Laugh - 23 June 2010

Life is About Everything

Stepping Through Life

Hope Transforms

Jazz Music




The Soul Calendar:


Big Oil Nixs Competing Aviation BioFuel: NASAs Project OMEGA




Romancing The Chocolate:


Cake Tuesday: Coffee Toffee Fudge Cake, Tunnel of Fudge Cake

Muffin Monday: Pina Colada Muffins




Unusual 2 Tasty:


Muffin Monday: Polynesian Bread or Muffins, Gluten Free Pineapple Muffin

Muffin Monday: Savory Feta, Roasted Pepper Basil Muffins From Sur La Table




Comfort Food From Louisiana:


Cake Tuesday: Fresh Peach Coffee Cake

Muffin Monday: Banana Praline Muffins, White Chocolate Banana Bread




Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd:


Funny Legal News Story: The Case of a Contraceptives Misstaken Use

Funny Cartoon: What to Wear For Employee Review




Dennys Funny Quotes:


Funny General McChrystal Cartoons - 26 June 2010

10 Funny Signs and 10 Funny Short Jokes




Visual Insights:


Dennys Photo Gallery: Fourth of July Watermelon




*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

*** Come by for a visit and check out my other blogs:

The Social Poets
Dennys Global Politics
The Soul Calendar
Visual Insights
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Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd

26 June 2010

Dark Humor: BP Oil Spill Cartoons - 26 June 2010

*** Check out the latest from the cartoonists as they chronicle the BP oil spill news.





From Denny: What a week this has been! The audacity of Republican Joe Barton - member not of the Grand Old Party but rather the Greed Over Principle party - who actually apologized publicly to BP at the Congressional hearing. The Cheshire Cat grin of BP CEO Tony Hayward was the weasel smile of a Big Business guy who got his money's worth from that politician.

That sure was hard to watch, knowing we, the average voters, are currently powerless to do anything about corrupt politicians and corrupt Big Oil and Big Banks and Big Business taking apart this country piece by piece. Yeah, well, wait until November guys. There will be a lot of surprises. Already there is the rise of non-corporate Democrats stepping up to run for office like a guy in Colorado.

Cartoonists have kept their pens busy giving their two cents worth about BP, the government's response, and how the Pelicans view this mess and disaster. Don't you just love it how BP CEO continues to try and paint himself as a victim? Is this guy an alcoholic or something? Typically, alcoholics use the sympathy drama to control others and this guy works that drama every chance he gets.

And there are those General McChrystal cartoons I'm posting separately. Yeah, there are that many of them. :)






























































































































*** See Also more cartoons of the day: Funny General McChrystal Cartoons - 26 June 2010

*** See Also more cartoons of the day: American and World Politics Cartoons - 26 June 2010


*** Photo by FellowCreative @ flickr

*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

*** Come by for a visit and check out my other blogs:

The Social Poets
Dennys Global Politics
The Soul Calendar
Visual Insights
Beautiful Illustrated Quotations
Poems From A Spiritual Heart
The Healing Waters
Dennys Art Sanctuary
Romancing The Chocolate
Comfort Food From Louisiana
Unusual 2 Tasty
Dennys Blog Feeds
Dennys Funny Quotes
Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd
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