31 December 2009

Fun Cartoon Review: Happy New Year!



From Denny: As we send off the end of our calendar year, exchanging for the New Year, here are a few fun cartoons to give you a grin...

*** For the latest cartoons where the embed codes are supported :)

Best New Years Cartoons 2010
























*** THANKS for visiting and have a safe and Happy New Year! Our full moon hanging low over our Louisiana rooftop in a clear night sky, the first blue moon in 20 years on New Years Eve, is both beautiful and spectacular tonight... and then the clouds covered the sky an hour later...

30 December 2009

Funny New Years Quotes, Smarter New Years Resolution Tips - Cheeky Quote Day! 30 Dec 2009



From Denny: It is a rather amusing observation of humanity that we are a bundle of paradoxes and contradictions, shifting so often, sometimes, that it can be so swift as to exist on an hourly basis.

***** Updated version for 2010, go here: New Years: Funny Quotes, Resolutions Tips, Poems


72 Posts Roundup at Dennys Blogs - 20 Dec 2010

Poll: Most Admired People For 2010

Funny WikiLeaks Cartoons

17 Christmas Music and Fun Videos

36 Christmas Posts: Music, Humor, Poems, Stories, Quotes


TIME

Even a temporal calendar is an attempt to grab a hold of ourselves as if to tame our temperaments. Creating artificial time of the past and the future - rather than living fully awake in the present with a lot less stress - seems to be the curse humanity has called down upon ourselves. It is ludicrous, I mean, who in their right mind chooses to curse themselves? Silly.

THE NEW YEAR

Yet, here we arrive every year at what our calendars deem to be the beginning of THE NEW YEAR, like it's a monster from a scary book. Some look forward to it with delight and anticipation, the optimists, and others, the pessimists, dread it, worrying about the future. Hey, people! It's just a silly calendar! :) Take it in stride, laugh with it, laugh at it, but, most of all: LAUGH - and laugh out loud so the whole world can hear you!

BEST NEW YEARS QUOTE

This quote is so true about human nature it just begged to be moved to the top of the line:

* Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle. - Eric Zorn

CLOCK TIME

By now you have properly figured out that I don't bother to wear a watch. In fact, as soon as I graduated university quite some time ago (feels like a life time, hmmm... maybe it was...) I put away all my watches and the clocks in every room. As far as I was concerned I was done with "childhood." I made a decision then to follow a spiritual rhythm of the day and night which is basically about getting in tune with Nature, Spirit and the Universe.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

My New Year's resolution? They never quite sat right with me as I make course corrections all year long. There was a time in the personal "ancient" past when I tried to do as everyone else in my culture. What I found is exactly like the quote: I ended up rarely honoring the full resolution, maybe parts of it.

HONORING NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

Over the years I've often wondered why people have such a tough time with it, struggling as I did too. What I decided - I'm big on deciding what my take is on anything which I suppose that's what creates a writer or blogger - well, I thought the reason we rarely follow through well on those resolutions is because of four annoying facts.

FIRST FACT, SECOND FACT

The first fact is that we get too grandiose in our goals, creating too many high hurdles for ourselves to achieve. The second fact is that we fail to take those resolutions and break them down into much smaller goals that are easier to achieve.

THIRD FACT

The third fact is we allow those striving for goals to drag on far too long, killing our enthusiasm that began the journey in the first place. Choose goals that can be achieved in short spurts of time like a few days or a few weeks. Once you let it drag on too long it is easy to get discouraged and then you end up abandoning your resolution.

FOURTH FACT

And the fourth fact? Waiting all year long to suddenly make a course correction is like taking an old ruin of a 100 year old house and finally deciding to renovate it and so it becomes a dizzying busy of a money pit.

NEW YEARS ADVICE AND TIPS

Do yourself a favor; make small personal Life corrections all year long and then you can do like my husband and I do at New Years: celebrate how much progress we have made for the year. Instead of piling a "To Do List" onto yourself at the beginning of a new calendar year, celebrate with a "Finished List" like a birthday celebration of good things. That way you celebrate what is best about yourself instead of worrying about what is not perfect. Well, it works for me about reducing daily and cultural stress; I never said I was conventional about my outlook! :)

BE KIND TO YOURSELF TOO

As I collected the New Years quotes, New Years poems, New Years blessing and New Years resolutions I was struck by how overwhelmed people felt by it all. Well, The Delphi Oracle here has solved the problem! :) Treat yourself kindly, make small personal Life corrections often all year long and then you can breathe a sigh of smug relief when THE NEW YEAR begins!

New Years Quotes

* New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain

* Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan

* New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. - Mark Twain

* The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. - P. J. O'Rourke

* Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average... which means, you have met your New Year's resolution. - Jay Leno

* Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. - Brooks Atkinson




* New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate

* An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan

* Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. - Anonymous

* May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams



* I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. - Anais Nin

* Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde

* I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser. - Robert Paul

* A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other. - Anonymous

* From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein

* The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot. - Michael Altshuler

* Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. - John Selden




* It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas

* People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. – Anonymous

* The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears. - W.H. Auden

* A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. - Anonymous



* New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot! Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno

* It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money. - P. J. O'Rourke

* Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? - Ogden Nash

* Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson



New Year's Blessings

* New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights. - Hamilton Wright Mabie

* Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true. - Alfred Lord Tennyson

* Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear, and with a manly heart. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

* I will seek elegance rather than luxury, refinement rather than fashion. I will seek to be worthy more than respectable, wealthy and not rich. I will study hard, think quietly, talk gently, and act frankly. I will listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with an open heart. I will bear all things cheerfully, do all things bravely await occasions and hurry never. In a word I will let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious grow up through the common. - William Ellery Channing

* We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives, not looking for flaws, but for potential. - Ellen Goodman

* The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G.K. Chesterton





New Year's Poems

Happy New Year!!

A New Years toast to love and laughter
and happily ever after

A health to you, a wealth to you,
And the best that life can give to you.

Dance as if no one were watching,
Sing as if no one were listening and
Live every day as if it were your last. - Anonymous


Auld Lang Syne

by Robert Burns

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and days of auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne

We twa hae run aboot the braes
And pou'd the gowans fine;
we've wander'd mony a weary foot
Sin' auld lang syne

We two hae paidled i' the burn,
Frae mornin' sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin' auld lang syne

And here's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and days of auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne




What can be said in New Year rhymes,
That's not been said a thousand times?
The new years come, the old years go,
We know we dream, we dream we know.
We rise up laughing with the light,
We lie down weeping with the night.
We hug the world until it stings,
We curse it then and sigh for wings.
We live, we love, we woo, we wed,
We wreathe our prides, we sheet our dead.
We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear,
And that's the burden of a year. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox



Funny New Year's Resolutions


One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. - John Burroughs

* But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year old habits. - Andre Gide

* I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second. - Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones's Diary

* He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool. - F. M. Knowles, A Cheerful Year Book

* Every new year people make resolutions to change aspects of themselves they believe are negative. A majority of people revert back to how they were before and feel like failures. This year I challenge you to a new resolution. I challenge you to just be yourself. - Aisha Elderwyn

* For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T. S. Eliot

* Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin

* Your Merry Christmas may depend on what others do for you. But your Happy New Year depends on what you do for others. - Anonymous

* We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called "Opportunity" and its first chapter is New Year's Day. - Edith Lovejoy Pierce





I like this New Year's Resolution the best:

* Resolve to make at least one person happy every day, and then in ten years you may have made three thousand, six hundred and fifty persons happy, or brightened a small town by your contribution to the fund of general enjoyment. - Sydney Smith

*** ALSO: 8 Easy Yummy New Years Recipes to Warm Your Guests

Fun Kid Recipes, Activities Keep Them Busy For Holidays



Photo from NASA, composite of 2 images sent back by Galileo.

*** BLUE MOON: a second moon of the month will shine for New Years Eve, a rare event, so rare it won't happen again until 2028 on New Years Eve. The normal December moon is called by the Algonguin Native Americans a Cold Moon. Blue Moon generally refers to the 13th moon of the year. Second moons in a month happen from time to time but are rare on New Years Eve, the last day of the calendar year. Back twenty years ago in 1990, New Years Eve parties were themed around the "once in a Blue Moon"!

While normally the moon is not blue there are conditions where it can appear blue to us on Earth. Back in 1883 when the volcano Krakatoa erupted it put so much dust into the atmosphere that the moon did appear to be blue and so the term "once in a blue moon" was invented. That blue moon effect from the erupted volcano lasted almost two years.

*** For more detailed story about the Blue Moon:

Rare Blue Moon Shines on New Years Eve, Origin of 6 Meanings

*** THANKS for visiting!

29 December 2009

Obamas Spend Vacations in Hawaii Where He Learned People Skills

From Denny: Hawaii sure is a far better vacation destination than hot and dry Crawford, Texas where Bush went - too often for the complaining press corps as there were no facilities for them. Of course, maybe they should have taken that as a hint that Bush didn't want them around: "Do ya think?" :)

Seriously though, the Obamas call Hawaii their heart home and it's where they gather for Christmas since Hawaii had a profound effect on Obama during his growing up years.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy



A former teacher in Hawaii recounts his impressions of Obama and offers insight into why he makes a good President today:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy



Also: Obama Tightens Choke Chain on Junkyard Dog Terrorists

*** THANKS for visiting!

28 December 2009

Roundup of Late Night Funnies 28 Dec 2009



From Denny: I've been slacking off a bit during the holidays as there seems to only be so much time for writing - that loner profession - that a person can do with company in the house and holiday cooking to do. With the cats meowing, the husband wanting 500 cookies baked yesterday for his chocolate hungry accounts who requested the tasty morsels and everything else like constant interruptions of "I'm bored! Spend time with me!" - somehow it was not the most conducive atmosphere for recording the poetry rattling around in my head. Good thing I took notes during this busy time! :) I'll be putting up the past two Libations Fridays poems hopefully this week as I finally get the quiet time to sit down and record them. Thanks for checking in during this time as I'm sure you were wondering, "Hey! I thought this was supposed to be a poetry blog...?" :)

Oh, and a note to fellow bloggers: Seems feedburner is not in sync or properly receiving subscriber totals from FriendFeed. It usually takes them a week or so to get this straightened out. The last time was in September. Try not to hyperventilate if you lost a lot of numbers; those folks still exist and are taking your feed, just not getting reported.

On to the late night funnies' roundup jokes...

Lucky Tiger Woods seems to be finally fading a bit, no longer the front page comedy fodder. While health care did pass it still remains to be seen what we will actually get out of it that is actually a real reform when the House and Senate merge their versions into law. As with any large endeavor internationally Copenhagen was a major disappointment and in need of a complete "do-over." By the time the world decides to get serious it will end up "every man to save himself." As usual, I like to take all the drama in stride and just laugh at it. After all, if you don't poke at the craziness in Life where is the fun? :)



From Conan O'Brien:

Former President Bush is writing his memoirs and he says they will focus on 12 major decisions he made in his life. The weird thing is, 11 of them were made by Dick Cheney.

According to a recent report, due to the recession, Americans are eating cheap, unhealthy, fatty foods. So apparently, the recession started in 1957?

Former President Bush is currently working on his memoirs and he said he's completed about 85 percent. His exact quote was, 'I'm halfway done.'

Sources close to Tiger Woods say that he's spending his days now eating cereal and watching cartoons. In other words, Tiger Woods has gone from living every man's fantasy life, to living every man's real life.

AT&T announced that they’re thinking about dropping Tiger Woods as their spokesperson. Which seems unfair because AT&T has made millions off of Tiger just from his text messages.

One of the women who claims she slept with Tiger Woods says they never talked about golf while having sex. However, contractually Tiger was obligated to talk about Nike, Gatorade and American Express.

A new study says that 86 percent of kids who regularly watch TV can recognize Tiger Woods. Which makes sense, because he may be their dad.



From David Letterman:

Dick Cheney has been named 'Conservative of the Year' by Human Events magazine. I think this is the first time 'Dick Cheney' and 'human' have been used in the same sentence. Dick Cheney was also named 'gas-bag of the year' by Gas-Bag magazine.

David Letterman's Top Ten Text Messages Sent By Tiger Woods

10. I'm sorry, which mistress is this again?
9. I was dreaming about you when I was passed out in the street
8. RU a cop?
7. You're breaking up with me for Lee Trevino?!
6. Sorry about last night — I had the yips
5. Did I leave a green jacket at your place?
4. My wife has the car. I'll have to pick you up in the golf cart
3. Why aren't the LPGA girls interested?
2. Hey Tiger — it's Tiger — wanna have sex tonight?
1. Thanks for changing your grip





From Jay Leno:

Oh, I love this — did you hear about this? Did you hear about this? Yesterday, President Obama said his wife, Michelle, decided they should not buy each other Christmas gifts this year. Mr. President, if you’re listening, it’s a trap! Listen! She doesn’t mean it. Go shopping. Let me tell you something Mr. President, if you don’t buy her a gift, you better hope health care passes.

The wife of Al Qaeda’s second in command is now calling on women to become suicide bombers. To qualify, they must be able to push a car loaded with explosives, because, as you know, women aren't allowed to drive over there.

It looks like Democrats have their 60 votes for healthcare. Harry Reid said the bill will save us hundreds of millions of dollars. Well, it would have, except for the hundreds of millions of dollars we had to pay to buy the 60 votes.

In Washington this week, of course, President Obama is expecting a visit from Santa Claus. Finally, an invited guest at the White House for a change.

Meteorologists are calling this a record blizzard, which makes sense if you think about it. Republicans have always said that the Senate would pass health care when hell freezes over, and apparently, it has!

Yesterday President Obama said, 'We can't continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.' Oh really — how come all those guys on Wall Street got 'get out of jail free' cards?

Talk about bad timing. The latest issue of Golf Digest has Tiger Woods and President Obama on the cover. I don't think Michelle's going to let the President hang with Tiger too much longer.

It's not looking good for Tiger Woods. According to a poll today, 88 percent of women have an unfavorable opinion of Tiger Woods. The other 12 percent are cocktail waitresses.

The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of 'Jersey Shore.'

You know who had a great year in 2009? Wall Street bankers — they had a bailout and still get bonuses. So there's a lesson here: In America it's better to be a fat cat than a horny tiger.





From Jimmy Fallon:

There was some good news for Tiger today. He was just voted 'Athlete of the Decade' by The Associated Press. He’s also been named 'Athlete of the Decade' by Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler.

The Senate's health care bill is expected to pass on Christmas Eve. Yeah. Because, really, what's more American than waiting until Christmas Eve to finally wrap something up?

The health care overhaul will extend coverage to 30 million people who are uninsured, or, as Walmart calls them, employees.

I saw this today. President Obama said, 'The federal government can no longer spend taxpayers' money like it's Monopoly money.' Especially since now, Monopoly money is actually more valuable than the dollar.

Over the weekend, the U.S. transferred 12 Guantanamo detainees to their homelands of Afghanistan, Yemen and Somalia. Wait, we're sending potential terrorists back to Afghanistan? That's like dropping Roman Polanski off at a Jonas Brothers concert.

*** THANKS for visiting and have a great New Year!

27 December 2009

How Real Santas Handle Those Tough Kid Requests

From Denny: Listen to these five Santas relate some stories of what children ask them at Christmas time, some real heart-breakers. These guys are delightful in their dedication to making kids smile!



*** THANKS for visiting and have a great New Year!

26 December 2009

Editorial Cartoons 26 Dec 2009

From Denny: Health care reform passed - but what did we actually get for all the effort? The Republicans demanded everything, gave nothing and none voted for the bill. It isn't until 2014 that everything is phased in like insurance companies cannot deny coverage for pre-existing conditions. So, what are people supposed to do meanwhile for the next four years? There is a lot that stinks about this bill. There will be fines for those refusing to sign up for coverage yet there is no public option cost effective competing plan to hold the line against the insurance industry.

What this is looking like is that the insurance companies have structured the next four years as a way to collect gargantuan amounts of money to pay for the folks with pre-existing conditions when the companies are forced to accept them by 2014.

Fortunately, when next Congress meets they will be merging the House and Senate bills where some magic might happen: there are those proponents who will be pushing to reinstate the public option.

Tiger Woods is still in the news as far as the cartoonists are concerned and the New Year cartoons are beginning to pop up too! :)

Health care "de" form:





















The environment:









More Tiger Woods:









Politicians:





Iran and its nukes:



Work:



THE NEW YEAR!







*** THANKS for visiting and hope you had a great holiday!
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